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Beginner January 2022

Plus one dilemma

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Alezandria, on March 9, 2021 at 2:28 AM

Hey guys,
So I am experiencing some current issues involving plus ones. Long story short, my fiancé and I are paying for our wedding ourselves, we can only have a certain number of guests so we applied a strict rule to our wedding party that we will not give you a plus one unless you were seeing said partner prior to our one year till the wedding date. I’ll also add we are all long time friends, so it’s not like any of the party doesn’t know anyone at our wedding, otherwise different story.
So, we have passed the one year mark and now having issues. One of my bridesmaids broke up with her SO a few months back, and I’m learning they recently got back together. Way after the deadline. She has yet to even tell me that she was dating her ex again, I’m hearing this from her sister who is also in my party. The sister is raising issue that I’m not giving the other a plus one, even though the guest list has been finalized for nearly a month (with notice to the party) and allotted plus ones have already been given and the original bridesmaid never told me they’re back together. The sister is saying it’s because I don’t like him, which is true, I do loathe and have told the bridesmaid so when she told me they broke up (called him out for being emotionally abusive.) Even still, she is past the deadline. Any advice on how I should handle this situation? I plan on talking to the bridesmaid, and have already put the sister in place for assuming rules didn’t apply to them and making it a bigger deal.

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29 Comments

Beginner January 2022
Alezandria · on March 9, 2021 at 1:18 PM
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Thank you all for your opinions. ❤️
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Expert April 2022
Fred · on March 9, 2021 at 1:36 PM
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This. At least I'm not alone on this one 🙂.
Guests need to know that all brides and groom need to respect a deadline and can't accomodate them untill the last minute.bridesmaid or not.
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Beginner July 2021
Victoria · on March 9, 2021 at 3:18 PM
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I've been dealing with some awkward plus one situations, too. I just flat out told my family and friends that if they aren't engaged or married, they don't get a plus one.
The only exceptions to that rule are couples that are basically a domestic partnership. They've been together for years, just aren't actually married.
I had to tell my cousin he couldn't bring is long-time girlfriend because 1. I don't know her and 2. I can't afford to feed people I don't know or care about, quite frankly. Haha.
I know that makes me sound rude...but it's your wedding day and you should surround yourself with people that matter to you.
Tell the sister that it's too late to add him to the list and she should have told you about getting back together sooner. It's not your problem that they are yo-yoing.
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VIP August 2021
Katie · on March 9, 2021 at 3:36 PM
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I absolutely agree with this.
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VIP August 2021
Katie · on March 9, 2021 at 3:43 PM
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I agree with you. I see so many brides have rules and regulations on the seriousness of others relationships in order for their significant other to be invited, while they want these same people to come celebrate their relationship. It never made much sense to me. Like you said there are people who have been together for a long time without a ring as well as people who have only been together for a couple of months and are already getting married.
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Super November 2021
Heather · on March 9, 2021 at 4:01 PM
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Alezandria,
This is a tough situation to be in! I'm sorry you have to go through this. You should definitely talk to her one on one to see where her side and your side are coming from. Hopefully you guys are able to come up with a compromise. However, if everyone else sees how horrible of a person he is then I would steer clear of that. It is your day and it's understandable if you don't want a particular person there. Just know that by absolutely not inviting him while she is still fighting for his spot in the wedding will cause a tear in your relationship Wishing you all the luck!
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VIP January 2020
Vicky · on March 9, 2021 at 5:56 PM
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Oh jeez. Your made-up rule is rude. Anybody who is in a relationship when invitations go out - 6-8 weeks before the wedding - should be invited with their SO by name. Rework your guest list so that you're inviting both halves of couples, or neither. A limited guest count is never an acceptable excuse to be rude.
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VIP January 2020
Vicky · on March 9, 2021 at 5:59 PM
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Are you trying to say that your venue needed the final count LAST November, 2020, for a January 2022 wedding??
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VIP September 2020
Willow · on March 9, 2021 at 8:53 PM
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What exactly has this bf done that got him banned from social events by other family and friends?

If anyone has ever become violent, they'd be banned from my wedding. Period. I don't care whose SO you are. Ridicuously, dangerously, drunk multiple times at social events? Probably banned. Generically rude or annoying? That would not be a valid reason for a ban.
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