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Beginner October 2019

Plus 1 for Destination Wedding

Margaret, on April 9, 2019 at 3:26 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 25

Hello WW,

I am curious to see how other brides have handled this situation. I am having a destination wedding in Mexico this year and I have sent the save the dates out already. I have included whole entire families on most invites, but 3 of my bridesmaids have asked to bring plus ones that are strangers to me (instead of their husband/boyfriends/family). I have denied them because I simply do not want strangers at my wedding. All 3 of them are friends (so they would not be traveling alone), but none of them want to bring anyone I personally know. I'm trying not to be frustrated with going back and forth about it. Thoughts?

25 Comments

Latest activity by Yasmine, on April 13, 2019 at 12:14 PM
  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
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    If it were me, I'd give them a plus 1 since they are spending SO MUCH MONEY and time off work to attend your DW.

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  • Formerbride
    VIP June 2019
    Formerbride ·
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    I personally would allow them to bring someone but I understand your dilemma. I look at it like this, the names listed on the invite are the people invited. No subs unless the bride/groom are okay with that. If I'm invited to a wedding with FH but he can't make it, I probably wouldn't go at all. I definitely wouldn't ask if I can bring my friend instead.

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  • E
    Super October 2017
    Emily ·
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    I get they are all friends, but at the same time, DWs are expensive and time consuming. What is the reason their partners cannot come? I feel like the fact they know each other doesn't totally take away that they may want someone to travel with. I would honestly allow them to bring someone else. You were already planning on paying for the person and your bridal party will be happier if they can travel with someone they are close with.

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  • W
    Dedicated October 2019
    WeddingBliss ·
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    Agree with above, DW are expensive for the travelers, and they have to take time off, etc.

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  • M
    Beginner October 2019
    Margaret ·
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    I appreciate your responses. All of them have been given plus ones (technically more). We have been friends for 12+ years and all 3 of them chose (new) friends whom I have never met. I am definitely not opposed to them bringing someone.. I am opposed to complete strangers.

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  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
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    Unfortunately when you extend a plus 1 you don't get to pick who. Be a gracious host and move on.

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  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
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    If you want to hold onto being upset about this, by all means, that's your prerogative. I wasn't "telling you" to move on, that's my advice and what I would do.


    Best of luck.

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  • M
    Beginner October 2019
    Margaret ·
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    Hi Steph,

    I could totally understand if they didn't come due to not wanting to travel alone. One technically didn't ask.. she just assumed. I did the destination wedding with intimacy in mind.. and strangers being added (especially without being asked) is just not what I had in mind.

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  • W
    Dedicated October 2019
    WeddingBliss ·
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    I can understand this... what about meeting the +1 for dinner or something, that way they aren't complete strangers.
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  • M
    0000
    Mim ·
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    By definition, a plus one allows an invited guest to invite someone. You don't get to approve their guest. Let it go. Don't allow something like this to be on your list of things to be concerned about. There's too many other real issues to work through.
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  • M
    Beginner October 2019
    Margaret ·
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    I have asked that for one, but the lady wasn't open to it since she lives 1.5 hours away. The other bridesmaid has just been asking to sub a few random people (one who is her frenemy..weird), but they live in another state. I have even said if you would like to bring someone and they just didn't attend my evening wedding.. I can't stop them.

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  • W
    Dedicated October 2019
    WeddingBliss ·
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    That was going to be my other thought - that they come for the vacation but not the actual wedding.

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  • M
    Beginner October 2019
    Margaret ·
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    I find it really funny when people tell people what they don't get to approve of for THEIR wedding. I sent out save the dates with "to the __ family.." It amazes me the level of assumption when someone who was not invited can come without asking. Married and guests in relationships get a plus one. I know this isn't unheard of. I don't have any single guests on my guest list.

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  • Jeanie
    Super February 2020
    Jeanie ·
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    Do they have husbands at home and want to bring someone else as a date? That to me would be wrong, as it's just plain offensive. But if they are bringing a friend, or a new boyfriend you don't know, let them. They are putting the time, money and effort into being a bridesmaid in your wedding. Three extra people should not break your budget. Traveling can be very stressful for some people, so if that's what they need so they can support you the way you deserve on your wedding day, I would let them bring their dates. I totally understand not wanting strangers at your wedding, but sometimes exceptions should be made.

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  • M
    Beginner October 2019
    Margaret ·
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    Yea, that has been presented many times. A couple people are actually doing that.

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  • M
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    Mim ·
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    Married and in a relationship don't get plus ones. They get invited with their SOs, using the SOs' names. Plus ones are for truly single people to invite whomever they would like. You don't get a say in who the plus one is.
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  • M
    Beginner October 2019
    Margaret ·
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    Hi Jeanie,

    Yes, one is married but leaving him at home with the kids (she hasn't said why. One just assumed she could bring someone and asked the person without mentioning it to me first. She is also leaving a long term boyfriend and her family at home. The 3rd bridesmaid hasn't really said anything other than okay. (#2 and #3 bridesmaids are best friends). No one has really said why they want to bring strangers.

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  • M
    Beginner October 2019
    Margaret ·
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    Please read the thread. None of them are single. I did address the save the date to their SO as well. They just ignored that and tried to invite someone random. They are allowed to bring their WHOLE family if they want.. just not strangers.

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  • M
    0000
    Mim ·
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    Then just tell them no. Or you can decide to not worry about it and focus your mental energy on important things.
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  • Summerbride77
    VIP July 2019
    Summerbride77 ·
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    I agree with this. It is weird for them to want to bring someone instead of their SO but 🤷🏼‍♀️. You can tell them no or your can let it go. Either one is totally acceptable
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