Plus 1 etiquette

OP- I'm with you. We lucked out that inviting most s/o that we knew worked out within our budget/ideal guest list but it's a PIA! We did not give plus ones to any single person (and I only once got a plus one for weddings I attended while single/dating someone very casually that the bride didn't know), but we will be inviting almost every bf/gf, husband etc. with ONE exception. Coworkers. I'm a nurse and most of our co-workers are local and very close. We may invite husbands (luckily, only 3, if we get some declines. I like the 3, but FH has never even met them and I don't feel 100% obligated) however, at present they make an (8top)table themselves and I've seen the practice done with other co-workers. I feel like we would really only want people we are close with to be there, which thankfully also works out to be the plus ones of our nearest and dearest. It may not be the Martha etiquette, but we aren't made of money. I survived many, many single weddings just fine (and even preferred going solo vs bringing a date)...you do you! We basically just thought about our relationship with some of the "newer" or less defined couples and decided based on that--and are also praying the traditional 20% declines.

@SheSaidScherb You should ask (I know it feels like prying). Your meant to write the SO's name on the invite, and your guests will appreciate it =)

@SheSaidScherb, definitely ask. My FH was recently invited to a wedding by only his name even though we live together, are engaged, and have hung out with them before. When the actual invite came, it still only had his name, but 2 seats reserved. I was really hurt to not be invited by name, especially because I went out of the way to reach out to them to find out her last name.

@Elizabeth, you're being very rude. First of all, EVERY husband gets an invite. His name should be listed on the invite. You are obligated, whether you believe you are or not. If you invite the wife, you MUST invite the husband. If you don't have the budget to invite the husband, then you shouldn't invite the wife.

Secondly, what you're doing is B-listing your guests which is also considered incredibly rude. You don't wait for declines to invite others.

I understand what you mean and we were going to go by this rule too. However, all but two of our guests are in "committed" relationships. I don't want the two people who aren't to feel left out, and it doesn't break the bank to allow two extra guests.

In your case, I would address the envelopes by name. That should help with any confusion if someone gets a +1 or not. If they ask you, just explain to them that its an intimate affair and you have only invited your closest friends and family.

How you figure out whether the relationship is "committed" is simple: You sent out the invitations about two months before the wedding, and address them by the couple's names (not "and guest"). If they are still together by the time of the wedding, they are considered committed. If they are not, the former SO is not going to want to show up at a wedding at which the only person s/he knows is his/her ex.

From the beginning, you make your guest list with the understanding that all significant others are invited. All significant others. Write down the names your dearest, most loved-ones along with their husbands, wives, partners, boyfriends, girlfriends. Invite those people. Then stop. Don't invite tons of extra people and then decide that maybe you just won't invite significant others if the relationship is newer than 6 months, or a year, or non-engagement. That's BS. You make your list with the knowledge that your guests will bring their most loved-one with them to celebrate your marriage. Then if it's in your budget, invite a plus one for your single friends. Especially if they don't know anyone (to me, that's necessary but thoughts differ).

Yep always ask. I texted all my friends, Nick texted all his and it was a simple "hey! Getting ready to send invites/save the dates/working on our guest list and was just wondering if you were still seeing Pat? Or, and we were wondering if you were seeing anybody?

Really harmless and easy to do.

What about the stds?? Should I be putting "& guest" or should I wait until the invites

It's your wedding. Do what you want. It's also 2016 and out dated etiquette policies are silly. My approach is if one of both of us know/have met the SO they get invited and their name is on the invitation, meaning if the relationship doesn't last until our wedding, they cannot bring someone else. I am getting together the Save the Dates now since many people have to travel. I gave very few plus ones (3 total) to friends who are traveling and I didn't want them to have to make the trip alone, but they are also bringing people we know. I have older single family members who are not getting plus ones and at the end of the day they are coming to the wedding to celebrate you, if they are so offended by the fact that you don't want to be introduced to people on your wedding day or that you can't pay over $100 for a stranger's dinner they can decline and sulk about it while everyone else has a good time.

I gave everyone who is single or seeing someone a plus one. Who knows what may happen between the time you send out invitations and the rsvp date. I was a plus one to a wedding after dating my fiancé for a month

You should absolutely judge the seriousness of someone else's relationship while asking them to celebrate yours.

ETA: This is sarcastic - I thought the cat indicated that, but If it isn't clear.

I'm in a similar situation where we have friends who are single and, since we're trying to keep costs down, we're wondering if everyone should have the option of bringing a guest. What makes it difficult is that if people bring a guest, some of our friends who we'd like to attend, will get cut from the list.

I've come up with an idea that if the person is single and not dating anyone, but they know the majority of the people attending, there isn't a plus one. If they don't know many other guests, they are allowed a plus one.

I've gone to many of a wedding solo and, if I know people, there will be fun to be had. It's hard keeping the list small while thinking of everyone as a party of 2.

Good luck!

@Emmy how do you judge seriousness, in all fairness. For every couple that spends years together before tying the knot, there is a couple that has been together for months and is engaged or maybe even married. How do you gauge level of commitment when you are not a part of the relationship?

@Michelle made it very simple for you. Except, I don't think plus ones are an "all or nothing" thing. We had only a handful of truly single guests. They included some of our cousins, 2 of his male friends and one of my male friends. We didn't give any of his single cousins or his single friends a plus one because they would know family/friends at the wedding. My single male friend got a plus-one, because he wouldn't have known anyone but us and a BM at our wedding. He ended up coming single anyway!

Also, please change your avatar to something other than the rings! They are associated with spam/trolls. Thanks!

I don't think that anyone should judge the seriousness of a relationship. Create a rule for your guest list and stick to it. For example, all people who identify as being in relationship get to bring their SO. Whether or not you think it is serious does not matter.

Personally when I was single, I was never offended or annoyed if I did not get a plus one to a wedding. Nor was I offended when my FH and I started dating and he was not invited to an event. Now. when we moved in together, I would be offended if he was not invited. Why? Because our relationship was serious to me at the point. You can't make that decision for someone.

Make your rule and stick to it. It will be easier to wrap your head around your guest list. You can't please everyone.

I was being sarcastic @michelle. Sorry, I need a font for it. It's a total dick move to even attempt or want to judge the seriousness of someone else's relationship. I thought the cat indicated that I was not serious.

Lol some things just go totally over my head

Address the invite with the name of the person who they are in a relationship with.

I was a BM in a friends wedding last labor day and on the invitation she wrote Ms. Sarah Last Name and Guest. I was so annoyed she didn't list my FH's name but just referred to him as "and guest". We had been living together and enagaged for awhile! So don't do that to your guests.