Please help

View Quoted Comment Sounds like your Mom has your best interests in mind. She doesn't want you to risk your health during a global pandemic and she doesn't want you to move somewhere you will be unhappy. He in turn sounds controlling and uncompromising. Why does he want you to do things that make you unhappy?

View Quoted Comment I told him no for that before we got engaged. That I don’t like the area he lives in I almost didn’t go out with him because of where he was from and I know people from that area and there not really good. But one day he wants to get a house and then the next day he’s yelling at me that we are not get a house until I do this or until I do that

View Quoted Comment I don’t know because before we got engaged he would do anything to make me happy. And now it’s like he’s a different guy. I told my mom today that I think I may want to get married a different year because how he is acting and she told me just to see what happens when this is over we still have almost a year

View Quoted Comment I also have a bad heart and epilepsy so it’s not going to be good if I get this

View Quoted Comment How long have you guys been together? How long have you been engaged? His flipping back and forth and being mad at your mom over you having your own opinions seems like a red flag to me.

View Quoted Comment We been friends for 6 years we gonna out 4 2 years and got engaged in October

View Quoted Comment I love him and he’s like my best friend but if this doesn’t stop after the conversation is over with I don’t think we should get married because yes it is a red flag.

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This sounds more like a him problem & not an issue with your mother, have you told him that you don't want to move with him & his mom and this is your decision, not your mom's? You need to have a serious conversation with him & let him know that he can't force you into a situation that you're not comfortable with. Be sure he knows it's YOUR choice & your mom had no affect on this because you could be unintentionally deflecting that onto your mother. Even if your mom has been vocal about certain things, she probably knows how you are & wants you to make a logical decision.

I'd suggest you both seek counseling because this is a minor issue & if you can't agree on this then how will it be when you get married?

View Quoted Comment That’s what I’ve been thinking to. He keeps telling me it would only be a year but I still don’t want to be there and I don’t like fighting with people so when I tell him that I don’t want to be there and it’s a fight and his sister comes at me too about I don’t know what to do and I don’t want to live him but it just feels like his sis has more a sis has more a say then I do because we where going too get a house and she told him not too

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That's the problem, he listens to his family more than his own feelings or you. You said he lives with his mom? Not that there is anything wrong with living with your parents (I still do & so does FH), but they may have way more say in his life than is needed for an adult & are the ones who are pushing him to have you move in. He's saying he doesn't like your mom because he's deflecting his own guilt onto you. He's still busy letting his family run his life that he's pushing this onto you.

Let him know that this won't be tolerated & you deserve to have your opinions respected just as much as he wants his. This relationship can work itself out if both of you are committed to it & I am still suggesting you seek counseling.

View Quoted Comment Kayla, it is time to reevaluate your relationship. This goes deeper than your fiancé liking your Mom. He appears to be disregarding not only your physical health but also your emotional health by pitting you against your Mom. This can be a difficult and scary thing to do, but don't cut yourself short. You have the right to your happiness. There is a big difference between having a disagreement with your partner and being down right mean. No one in your life, especially someone who loves you, should treat you badly.

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I'm going to be really honest with you, this guy is toxic and you should really reevaluate your relationship. The minute you tell him no he gets aggressive with you and then sends his family to wear you down even further until you give in. (By the way, why is this his sister's business anyway? Why does she need to be involved. That's really strange.)

Do you really want to live with the people who are being so mean to right now? No! They sound terrible and I can guarantee if you move into their house in a bad area your mental health will struggle.

Especially with your health concerns, he should understand why you would prefer to remain at home in an environment that is healthy for you. Why is is okay for him to still live at home, but it's not okay for you to live at home?

Your mom is 100% on your side, and is looking out for your best interests. It sounds like your fiance is manipulating and trying to control you, which is a HUGE RED FLAG. Please don't give in and move to a place where you will be unhappy. If this makes him "break up" with you, then he was never a good fiance to begin with.

View Quoted Comment His sister try to have a say with everything she try to tell us we could afford the place I wanted to get married but we could and we are she’s telling him we can’t afford the house and that’s why he decided not to get it but the house is 89,000 I making 30,000 a year he makes 40,000 a year I’m not asking for 100,000$ home I’m just asking for us to agree on the area and we did until his sister got a say and told him no

Hi Kayla, after reading all of the posts here, I have to echo what others have said. There are several huge flags here. For reference, I have spent years working with domestic violence survivors. This story mirrors many of those I have worked with. The fact that he is now being more manipulative and aggressive after the engagement is something I am wary of. DV is about power and control, and typically perpetrators will slowly tiptoe further and further into that territory. The fact that a switch seems to have flipped once that ring was on your finger, signals to me that he is testing the waters of how much you'll take. Isolating someone from their friends and family is another common tactic. It seems like he is trying to put you in a position where you have to choose him or your mother. I bet dollars to donuts that he's banking on you choosing him. I think the fact you want to take some time to re-evaluate things is a great idea, and I encourage you to take it. Also, for reference, I recommend you Google the "Power and Control wheel" and the "Equality wheel". You can find both of them here: https://www.theduluthmodel.org/wheel-gallery/. If your relationship looks more like the 1st (now) than the 2nd, I would definitely tread lightly. Abusers often come across as prince charming at the beginning and slowly progress to a more controlling behavior pattern as time goes on.

You need to re-evaluate your relationship.

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That's what I mean, why is his sister getting a say at all? Why is her input more important than yours? He's nit respecting you or your opinions! I'm so sorry you're going through this, and I reiterate that you need to take a deep look onto if this guy is really the one who will make you happy for forever.

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THIS THIS THIS. Please look at this, Kayla!