I wanted to make this post since as I've been wedding planning I've noticed that if you're a woman and express an opinion on something wedding-related and it's not just about how ecstatic you are to get married, you run the risk of being called a bridezilla. Don't want to pay for plus ones and kids on top of all the people you're paying for already? Bridezilla. (Not talking about people's SOs when I say this, btw, that's a completely different story.) Hurt that your friends in your bridal party broke a promise they made to you? Bridezilla. Have the audacity to acknowledge the decision to marry the love of your life with your friends and families is a happy one but is also stressful, largely because money is involved? Bridezilla.
I'm a pretty entitled person by nature, in the sense that if I don't think I'm being treated fairly, I'll say something. Standing up for myself, even if other people look down on me for it, is something I do readily. But I wasn't always like this. I used to really struggle to assert myself. And if past me was the one getting married, I can't imagine how stressed out she'd be about trying to avoid being labeled a bridezilla.
So for those of you lovely ladies who already want to make everybody happy, sometimes even at your own expense, I have these tips to hopefully help you all feel more confident and less worried:
If you think your vendors are charging you too high, NEGOTIATE. The worst that can happen is they say no.
Don't be afraid to annoy your venue with endless questions before you agree to anything; it's your money, your wedding, and you deserve to make sure you're not going to wish your day was different when you look back on it!
Being a good host is essential. It is vital that any and all guests have enough food and drink options and seating so they can be comfortable. But so long as your guests have food and drink they can enjoy and seats to rest in, and you treat them with kindness and respect, that is enough. You don't need to splurge on hard liquor when beer and wine will suffice, or photo booths or even party favors in order for your guests to have a good time.
Your guests are entitled to a pleasant reception, but you need to host what you can afford. If you can't afford a full-plated dinner, cake and punch at a non-mealtime is fine. ESPECIALLY if paying for everyone to have a full meal means you'd have to cut back on something meaningful to you, like being able to have professional wedding portraits or being able to invite many of the most important people in your life.
Don't not dress or decorate a certain way because you're worried about what your guests will think; if you want a big-ass dress and a tiara and a chocolate fountain and they don't like that, well it's a good thing it's not their wedding! Seriously though, you're the one who will look back on this day for years to come. You have to be happy with your choices.
It's okay to have expectations of people. You don't have to lower your standards just because you're a bride. If you'd be hurt that your SO got a lapdance from another woman before you got engaged, you don't have to be the cool girl about it just because it's his bachelor party. If you'd be disappointed that your friend bailed on you at the last minute when you were planning something for months, you don't have to hide your disappointment just because she's now your bridesmaid. Just as long as you treat people with kindness and respect, it is not unreasonable to expect them to treat you in kind.
I hope this helps everyone who may be stressed about trying to please everyone and not come off as overbearing or bossy. I used to be that way for a long time, and I'm so much happier now that I don't worry about it anymore.