Ivory
Dedicated August 2024

Please Don't Worry About Being a Bridezilla

Ivory, on April 11, 2021 at 4:57 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 23
Saved
Reply

Hi everyone,

I wanted to make this post since as I've been wedding planning I've noticed that if you're a woman and express an opinion on something wedding-related and it's not just about how ecstatic you are to get married, you run the risk of being called a bridezilla. Don't want to pay for plus ones and kids on top of all the people you're paying for already? Bridezilla. (Not talking about people's SOs when I say this, btw, that's a completely different story.) Hurt that your friends in your bridal party broke a promise they made to you? Bridezilla. Have the audacity to acknowledge the decision to marry the love of your life with your friends and families is a happy one but is also stressful, largely because money is involved? Bridezilla.

I'm a pretty entitled person by nature, in the sense that if I don't think I'm being treated fairly, I'll say something. Standing up for myself, even if other people look down on me for it, is something I do readily. But I wasn't always like this. I used to really struggle to assert myself. And if past me was the one getting married, I can't imagine how stressed out she'd be about trying to avoid being labeled a bridezilla.

So for those of you lovely ladies who already want to make everybody happy, sometimes even at your own expense, I have these tips to hopefully help you all feel more confident and less worried:

If you think your vendors are charging you too high, NEGOTIATE. The worst that can happen is they say no.

Don't be afraid to annoy your venue with endless questions before you agree to anything; it's your money, your wedding, and you deserve to make sure you're not going to wish your day was different when you look back on it!

Being a good host is essential. It is vital that any and all guests have enough food and drink options and seating so they can be comfortable. But so long as your guests have food and drink they can enjoy and seats to rest in, and you treat them with kindness and respect, that is enough. You don't need to splurge on hard liquor when beer and wine will suffice, or photo booths or even party favors in order for your guests to have a good time.

Your guests are entitled to a pleasant reception, but you need to host what you can afford. If you can't afford a full-plated dinner, cake and punch at a non-mealtime is fine. ESPECIALLY if paying for everyone to have a full meal means you'd have to cut back on something meaningful to you, like being able to have professional wedding portraits or being able to invite many of the most important people in your life.

Don't not dress or decorate a certain way because you're worried about what your guests will think; if you want a big-ass dress and a tiara and a chocolate fountain and they don't like that, well it's a good thing it's not their wedding! Seriously though, you're the one who will look back on this day for years to come. You have to be happy with your choices.


It's okay to have expectations of people. You don't have to lower your standards just because you're a bride. If you'd be hurt that your SO got a lapdance from another woman before you got engaged, you don't have to be the cool girl about it just because it's his bachelor party. If you'd be disappointed that your friend bailed on you at the last minute when you were planning something for months, you don't have to hide your disappointment just because she's now your bridesmaid. Just as long as you treat people with kindness and respect, it is not unreasonable to expect them to treat you in kind.

I hope this helps everyone who may be stressed about trying to please everyone and not come off as overbearing or bossy. I used to be that way for a long time, and I'm so much happier now that I don't worry about it anymore.


23 Comments

Latest activity by Estrella, on April 13, 2021 at 2:46 PM
  • mrswinteriscoming
    Rockstar December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
    • Flag

    There are some things that people are labelled ‘bridezilla’ for that are totally unreasonable (i.e. my mother calling me a bridezilla for wanting to hire chairs because I don’t like the chairs that my venue offer) and while I don’t like the term (or use of the word) ‘bridezilla’ for obvious reasons, I think brides also need to be mindful of their expectations when planning a wedding that is anything more than an elopement. If a bride is being demanding and has unrealistic expectations and standards then chances are she will be called out for it. Calling her a bridezilla won’t resolve the issue (it’ll probably aggravate things) but I do think that it shouldn’t just be overlooked merely because it’s her day and she can get what she wants.

    • Reply
  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
    • Flag
    Absolutely.... and you might disagree with me on this one, but I feel this way about the whole room block situation in SOME cases… Some room blocks require you to basically rent out all of the rooms and if no one wants them then you’re stuck paying for all those rooms, or at least that’s the situation that I’m in with the room block we had to do(basically we just had to rent a bunch of rooms) I then had an aunt on my FHS side ask me about why she doesn’t get a room. I said to her the rooms are for people in our bridal party that are traveling from out of state. And the accommodations are listed on the website. If she wants to book a room she can go to the website and book a room.(mind you she lives like 10-15 minutes tops away from the venue). I’m not sure why she can’t be an adult and call and rent a room herself. Other situation yeah, room blocks are super helpful/essential to your guests as it ensures that they’ll be able to find a hotel or place to sleep, But sometimes yes it just gets ridiculous. In my opinion
    • Reply
  • Kk
    Devoted October 2021
    Kk ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    This. There's a huge difference between voicing an opinion and having such high expectations that it causes you to be mean to others. Yes, it's your day, but that doesn't give you the right to be rude.
    • Reply
  • Elizabeth
    Dedicated April 2021
    Elizabeth ·
    • Flag
    THANK YOU!!! You have no idea how badly I needed this, I wanted to write a post about what I've been dealing with but didn't because I have seen how many brides who just needed to vent got backslash so badly instead of finding support and advice I decided to keep to myself. I truly appreciate the positiviness of your post ❤
    • Reply
  • Fred
    Expert April 2022
    Fred ·
    • Flag

    Hello Ivory!
    I'm glad to read this! I'm sad everytime I read a thread (or replies) where someone says "my mom (or parents) invited __ people,we didn't want to invite them but they contributed or paid for everything, " or " we wanted to have a secular ceremony but the parents would have withdrawn money" etc ...

    My partner and I are paying for everything, my partner's parents wanted to contribute but we said no. So we can do what WE WANT.

    Plus: we are BOTH fast at responding to attacks,criticisms,unwanted advices:

    * Granma doesn't like our non- traditional WP ( uncluding 1 MAN of honor,1 bridesman, 1 best woman,1 groomswoman):-->"They are human after all, aren't they?"

    * My step-"momster" 😃(long story) wanted me to invite her siblings + spouses I've never met or I dislike: -> "No, Sorry! "But, you know ..." -->"NO!",,, "H...": --> NOOOOO!! PERIOD.😆 ," If I ever decide not to come?" she added: --> "See ya, You'll be missed" (read: you WON'T😃)!

    * The parents wanted us to invite the siblings (our aunts & uncles) we haven't seen in years or those that the partner has never met:--> " A wedding is NOT a family reunion. If you want one, then plan one and foot the bill! It's not gonna happen at our wedding,sorry guys!

    * My future Mother IL " Why don't you want flower girls, they are handsome ": --> " My partner,you know:your own daughter IS HANDSOME TOO 😀. She's the cute factor of our wedding! 😉.Yep:we are a couplezilla but:

    1- We're not rude/disrespectful but firm and we stand our ground, no matter what.

    2-We couldn't care less! We don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but we knew from day 1 that we would put OURS first. If they don't like our vision, that's THEIR problem.



    • Reply
  • MK
    Expert September 2021
    MK ·
    • Flag

    GIRL. You took the words right out of my mouth.

    Coming onto WW has been so interesting, because I would have never in a million years considered myself a bridezilla - and really don't think my bridal party, friends, family etc. do either. We should really normalize having expectations - NOT impossible or unrealistic ones, of course. But I agree - I know my worth and I know what I deserve, it's okay to not be okay with something not meeting your standard. Whether that be venues, vendors, friends, whatever!

    Thanks for this!

    • Reply
  • E
    Super July 2023
    Eniale ·
    • Flag

    There are times that brides are being bridezillas. Whether or not calling them such is meaningful is another discussion.

    But the term is certainly misused.

    • Reply
  • Ivory
    Dedicated August 2024
    Ivory ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Agreed. If a bride is expecting people to spend thousands of dollars on her for whatever reason (ex: expecting bridesmaids to throw her a destination bachelorette weekend instead of realizing it is incredibly gracious of them if they choose to do so, and they are not obligated to throw her one by any means) then someone needs to sit her down and talk to her FAST.

    Meanwhile, a bride is pissed because her partner isn't helping or her friends aren't communicating? Just human, not a bridezilla.

    • Reply
  • Ivory
    Dedicated August 2024
    Ivory ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Agreed, when it comes to things that actually negatively impact the guests (gaps, cash bars, requiring bridal party to spend absurd amounts of money, etc.) then absolutely, brides need to realize that's not acceptable.

    But like the example you gave, so many people use the term for perfectly reasonable requests, which I think places an unfair burden on many brides during what should be a predominantly happy time in their lives.

    • Reply
  • Ivory
    Dedicated August 2024
    Ivory ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Treating people poorly is never acceptable, and it's sad many people don't realize this (or realize, but just don't care). Still, most of the reasons I see people call women bridezillas are completely ridiculous, and it's often when they're just trying to stand up for themselves, something which many women struggle with already, in my experience.

    • Reply
  • Ivory
    Dedicated August 2024
    Ivory ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    With room blocks, if the bride and groom have to end up paying, then I think they are completely within their rights not to do it. OOT guests made a choice to come, and just like the bride and groom need to pay for their own choice to have a wedding, guests need to pay for their own accommodations.

    If the bride and groom won't be charged anything, I think it's a considerate thing to do. At the same time, OOT guests are presumably able to book their own hotel rooms, so I don't think it's required.

    • Reply
  • Ivory
    Dedicated August 2024
    Ivory ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I am SO happy this helped you!!! That's what I was aiming to do writing this, so I'm really happy this helped make you feel better.

    Yes, several of the vents I've read on here came off to me as "this woman knows she's not entitled to free labor or for the world to stop because she's getting married, she's just stressed out and needs to get it off her chest" but people are quick to make assumptions. Other vents DO come across as genuinely entitled though, and it's good for people to point that out.

    Also, your dog is beautiful!!!

    • Reply
  • Ivory
    Dedicated August 2024
    Ivory ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Good for you, Fredolino!

    I feel the exact same way

    • Reply
  • Ivory
    Dedicated August 2024
    Ivory ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    You are so welcome! It makes me happy to see people prioritize their guests' comfort without sacrificing their own. I think it's really weird that so many people seem to expect women to magically become these selfless, non-opinionated, pretty things who can't experience any emotion other than sheer gratitude for the fact that they're getting married. Yes, most women are happy to be getting married, but that doesn't mean they aren't allowed to have negative thoughts and feelings about the process or even the people in their lives who are involved.

    As long as you're treating everyone with kindness and respect and are being a good host, you're entitled to have the wedding you want.

    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    This. When it goes over the top, or when it is mean. It is controlling, but not over the top, for a couple to ask all guests to put away any camera during the ceremony ( been done since cameras existed) in a private ceremony with a set of pro pics available to all in 2 weeks. In much the same friend group, mostly those who would FB post before the end of the wedding, called bridezilla, most others said, reasonable privacy, bought and paid for, not bridezilla. But the next friend group wedding, all did call it bridezilla when Bride and MOB announced right after to choosing of bridesmaids that during all wedding events, including showers, 3 day bach, and the 5 days at wedding time in family owned hotel, all women in the wedding party, and wives or girlfriends of GM/BM would turn over their engagement rings to MOB to hold. Several diamonds were bigger than bride's, and others with much bigger stones were cocktail rings, not gemstones, so of course, possible to afford a showy size glass stone. MOG ( and Bride) did not think anyone should have a more expensive looking ring than the bride, live or in any picture. The women of the bridal party all said, unreasonable , all quit. A different set of women were there, wearing all their own rings, at the shower. Universally seen as bridezilla. Over the top.
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Rockstar October 2022
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    That is frankly incredibly bizarre.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I do think there is a lotto be said for OP point. A man calls from the promotional group, he is very specific about where every item goes. His daughter does the same speaking up ( politely but directly) for the placement of her wedding items, and she is called Bittchy or Bridezilla for not being a sweet shy female. But most in the wedding industry, or those who have encountered one personally recognize some as over any reasonable boundaries. Bride as monster.
    • Reply
  • Estrella
    Dedicated October 2021
    Estrella ·
    • Flag
    Well said! Striving to be that person you described, where I don't allow people's opinions to bully my decisions etc.
    One of my fiancé's friends asked him if i was turning into a Bridezilla, YET! At first, I laughed it off because it was just a joke but then i started to think about it seriously and wondered why my fiancé's friend felt the need to make this joke.
    I took it to heart and even though i talked with my fiancé and he assured me that his friend was just joking and meant nothing more, i still didnt feel good about it. It bothered me so much that I took it to social media. Anyway, I do not always speak up for myself and fight for the things I want. But for my wedding, this time things are different. This is my hard earned money, my time to shine, my day ! And i don't care if i am dubbed a Bridezilla because i have a strong opinion of what I want. Everyone else has had their day, right? Blocking out the noise!
    • Reply
  • Ivory
    Dedicated August 2024
    Ivory ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I think I wouldn't mind the term bridezilla so much if people ever called men groomzillas nearly as often! Honestly, if a man posted something that was a very obvious etiquette faux pas (ex: not inviting people at his bachelor party to his wedding) I'm sure people would point out that's rude, but no one would call him a groomzilla or accuse him of thinking his "pretty prince day" means the world revolves around him now. Instead, they would assume his mistake comes from a place of ignorance, not him being a spoiled brat. Whereas if a bride posted the same thing, SO MANY people would jump to that conclusion instead of giving her the same benefit of the doubt.
    • Reply
  • Ivory
    Dedicated August 2024
    Ivory ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Any woman who is that insecure about making sure she has the "nicest" ring has severe self-confidence issues she needs to work on. That's 100% bridezilla behavior, but my gosh that's also just so unhealthy!
    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

WeddingWire article topics