Planning your grooms Bach?

I say if you know what they like/want to do, I don't see an issue with you planning it! Especially since they all paid you, they seem to trust your ideas, I think its a great idea! We had a joint co-ed bach trip, but me and my MOH planned the whole thing, so I say go for it!

No, I haven't. If a person really wants a bach party and they have the funds to do so then they should be avle to schedule something unless they don't have access to the internet.

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How fun!! A joint trip sounds like a blast!

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They are more than 'able' to plan and pay for the trip - it's a matter of them just being men and not knowing how to plan a fun trip with decorations and itineraries.

View Quoted Comment I'm sorry for my typo, whew.


Just being men? Maybe that's the beauty/ uniqueness of their trip. A trip can be just as fun without an itinerary. I personally wouldn't plan my FH'S trip nor have my MOH do so.
Perhaps you could give him a list of available loding for lakehouses in a certain area and tourist attractions/ activities to see and do, then leave the rest up to him and his groomsmen.

Didn't "plan" anything for it but while planning the bachelorette we discussed if any of the guys were planning a bachelor party (we are a group of couples so it overlaps.) Thankfully this allowed us to know no one was stepping up. I mentioned something to my SO and another girl to hers and it got the ball rolling lol.

Where did they send the money? To the BM? I mean it sounds like they know what they're doing- renting a lake house & boat. What makes you think they need/want help? Have they said anything? Unless something has been said I'd keep out of it.


If help was requested, then I'd only offer direction- AirBnB/ similar sites, maybe a checklist from the internet for Bach parties specifically, & a suggestion to check the area they're renting in to see if there's anything fun they'd be interested in.
Other than booking the rental and getting enough food & booze for the weekend, nothing needs doing. Games maybe.

They’re adults. Let them figure it out.

I agree with the other posters that they are adults and can handle it. It may not be what you would do, but that doesn't mean that it won't get done. Are these guys usually dependable or are they super flakey in other areas of their life? Decorations and itineraries are also 100% not necessary for a bachelorette or bachelor party. There is still plenty of time between now and your wedding. I would let them do their thing. They'll figure it out.

I know you mean well, but I'd let them figure it out. You're mothering them. Don't set such a precedent for your marriage. It will get exhausting if you have to plan everything. I was in a 6 month relationship like that and I was soon at my wit's end.

Maybe you could elaborate on "just being men?" Most adult men I know definitely know how to plan a party.

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Lol. I guess I should have clarified. They all are more than capable of planning a trip, they all have before. My fiancé has passively mentioned needing help in booking a house and finding good deals on boat rentals because they simply don't have the time to put in. I wouldn’t swoop in and take over planning a trip if help wasn’t asked for. Thanks for all of the very helpful advice!

I think you should back away. A bach is something to be generated by the friends. Often some differences of opinion come up between the groom and friends, as with brides and friends. Settling them is part of their friendship. If my husband were part of a friend group, and the bride stepped in to be helpful, his participation and most of the guys' would disappear. The party might be planned further in advance, but no one would attend when it came down to the date. I assume that of the 4-6 people involved, at least some are functional in their work or personal life. It is downright insulting to step in on the assumption that none of them is able to plan a night or weekend out, without you. Stay out.

My husbands best man did most of the planning, but they were kinda stuck on ideas so I came up with a few ideas for them but wouldnt say planned the whole thing. Idk if its a good idea to plan the whole thing if you wont be there, if he wants a bachelor party he’ll get around to planning it eventually. If not, then he doesnt do anything I guess lol

View Quoted Comment Unless they are all 17, what you are saying sounds pretty condesending. They do not need decorations or itineraries. If they want these things, they will produce them. This is a gift to the groom and generated out of their friendship, not your superior skills. Or it should be.

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I clarified in the previous comment that my fiancé has requested help - so there wasn't any assumption made that would make my help insulting to them The guys' functionality wasn't in question. My fiancé and all of his groomsmen are night shift police officers and hardly have time to even sleep. So he has asked for help. But thank you for the help gal

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Got it! That was all very constructive and so helpful. Thanks!

View Quoted Comment Yes, your groom has asked for your help. But this should be the other guys thing to plan. Whatever activities they want, some of which may surprises to him and not known to you. I have worked 12 on 12 off medical overnights. Still had time to both sleep and spend an hour or two on the web or phone. When a bride or groom does anything to take planning responsibility from the group planning a shower, bachelorette, or bachelor party, it is usually seen as insulting by the others. "What, so you don't think we are capable of doing this without you arranging things to suit yourself?"
type feeling. And for a groom to get his bride to be doing it, will likely fuel a lot of nasty joshing with a barb to it, in the future. I think a group of police officers have all the skills they need to plan a party. And if they care, can find the time. Why don't you think they are competent?

View Quoted Comment It baffles me that these discussions can turn so deep and sensitive. I don’t for a second think anyone involved is incompetent. My fiancé asked for help. His best man is overseas and isn’t able to plan his bachelor weekend and from my standpoint, my fiancé doesn’t want to burden anyone with the responsibility of planning his party. Seeing my bach be planned so quickly, he asked myself and my MOH for advice on how to get it started (getting deposit money from everyone, activities, booking etc.). Our entire wedding party are best friends, we all go on trips together multiple times a year and the girls plan the trip. None of these guys know much about planning. It’s not that I feel like they are incompetent. That’s just insulting to read, as if I haven’t explained why this forum was even created. No assumptions were made, no toes have been stepped on. This forum was created honestly out of pure fun. I guess i should have clarified that I wasn’t asking to have the post dissected into my questioning their ability to do anything. I have the utmost faith in their competence. My fiancé, on the other hand and rightfully so, knows his wedding party well and thinks it would be helpful to have a little help in the planning. Thanks for your advice!