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Ana
Savvy February 2022

Planning while Grieving

Ana, on October 20, 2020 at 2:40 PM Posted in Planning 0 31
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Hello Brides!

I lost my grandmother to Covid 10 days after I got engaged. I am getting married Feb 19 2022. I already booked my venue, I have my planner and I will soon have my DJ. Sometimes I get excited at the planning process, followed by intense sadness about my grandmother not being here with me on my wedding day. Is anyone else out there planning their wedding while grieving? If so, how are you coping?

31 Comments

Latest activity by Ana, on October 22, 2020 at 4:00 PM
  • Molly
    VIP September 2020
    Molly ·
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    Welcome to Wedding Wire! I am so sorry for your loss! I'm sure your grandmother will be with you on your wedding day in spirit.

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  • Ana
    Savvy February 2022
    Ana ·
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    Thank you for your kind words Molly

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  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
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    I'm so sorry for your loss! One thing you could do is to honor her in your wedding ceremony and/or reception. You could put a small keychain with her picture on it in your bouquet, or have a memorial table at your ceremony with her picture on it, or reserve seats at both the ceremony and reception in her honor. If you can see her picture in a frame on a seat during your ceremony, it may help you feel that she is there in spirit at your wedding.
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  • Ana
    Savvy February 2022
    Ana ·
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    Wow Lisa those are all very great ideas! I love them! Thank you. Her favorite color was red, so I will be including red in my wedding colors as well.

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  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
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    That's a great idea to incorporate her favorite color into your wedding! I love that idea!
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  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
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    I'm so sorry for what you are going through. My grandmother went to be with the Lord almost two months ago, and it has definitely made planning hard knowing that she was such a big part of my life, and was going to be such a big part of my day, and will not be there. I don't have too much advice...just that I get it.

    This might be kind of controversial but I do not want a memorial table at the wedding. Instead, we will do a "weddings through the years" display with pictures of their wedding, our parents, FI's grandparents, etc. I just don't want anything sad, I want it to be a happy occasion and I think that is the best way to do it.

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  • Ana
    Savvy February 2022
    Ana ·
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    Not controversial at all Tiger Bride. It's your wedding day, and only you know what will be the best way to include her in your day.

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  • Haleigh
    Savvy October 2021
    Haleigh ·
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    I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my grandpa a few months ago and it was heartbreaking to come to terms with the fact he wouldn’t be there. I had already ordered his boutonniere, and it made me too sad to cancel it. I’m going to leave his boutonniere on an open seat in the front row, and I ordered another one to do the same in memory of my dad I lost 11 years ago. The cake will also kind of be a tribute to my grandpa—it’s red velvet, which I learned was both of our favorite cake flavors. Smiley smile I hope everything gets easier for you!
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  • Lauren
    Just Said Yes June 2019
    Lauren ·
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    Hi there! I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my grandmother during my planning as well, so I know what you're going through and how difficult it is. Luckily you have a ton of time, and when my grandma passed we still had about a year out from our big day, so if you aren't feeling the planning and the details right now, don't push it. I really wanted to avoid having any negative feelings on this day, so when I would plan and would start to get upset thinking about her not being there and how happy she would have been to be there, I knew it was time to put that stuff away for a bit.

    There have already been some amazing suggestions of ways to honor her memory on your special day! Some touches I included were a reading from a Frank Sinatra song (her favorite artist), a memory table with photos, and our venue chef actually went above & beyond and made her famous eggplant parm recipe the way she did as one of our food offerings! Thinking of you and wishing you the best Smiley heart

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar April 2021
    Michelle ·
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    I’m so sorry for your loss girl! My mom died on my birthday back in 2018 & my nana passed the following August. I have a bracelet that contains some of my mom’s ashes that I’m going to attach to my bouquet. I’m also getting a charm that will have her & my Nana’s pics that I can attach to my bouquet.
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  • M
    Savvy November 2020
    Margaret ·
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    Hi Ana,


    First off, I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother in the process of planning and it’s been hard. Something a friend told me right after it happened is that it never gets easier, but you get better at handling the waves.
    One thing I was lucky enough to receive before losing her was a recording of her heartbeat on her final day. I found a website that creates jewelry from those recordings and had a bracelet made. I haven’t decided yet if I’ll wear it day of or not, but I have it just in case.
    Best of luck on riding out the waves. You’ll get better at riding them and you’re not alone.
    Margaret
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  • Ana
    Savvy February 2022
    Ana ·
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    That was amazing what the chef did to honor your grandmother that was a special touch. Thank you for sharing your story. I think you are right about not pushing it when I am feeling too sad or upset. Sometimes the feelings can be very overwhelming. My grandmother loved Mariachi, so I will be having a mariachi band play at my ceremony and cocktail hour.
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  • Ana
    Savvy February 2022
    Ana ·
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    Wow that was very special to have a recording of her heartbeat. It was very hard seeing my grandmother on the last day of her life as she was already hallucinating and in and out of consciousness and I had gloves and full protective equipment. I know she still heard me because she would respond here and there. I did get to keep her watch. I wear it everyday.
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  • M
    Savvy November 2020
    Margaret ·
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    That’s beautiful. Watching a loved one suffering is so challenging. It sounds like you’re on your journey and while it’s hard to know whether we’re normal in this process or if we’re making the right decisions throughout, I think it’s important to remember that there is no one right way to go through this. Your process is your process and as hard as it is, it’s exactly what it needs to be. 💕
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  • Ana
    Savvy February 2022
    Ana ·
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    Thank you for your thoughtful words Margaret. It feels good to have empathy from others, especially this week as it has been so tough for me.
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  • RaylaSan
    Rockstar February 2021
    RaylaSan ·
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    I'm so sorry for your loss, unfortunately, I'm not able to understand the pain your going through, but I think a great way to celebrate your grandmother's name is by maybe reserving a seat for her at your wedding, or maybe even making a table in memory of her. That way, you can always look at her picture, and know she's with you in spirit. Smiley smile

    Planning while Grieving 1


    Planning while Grieving 2


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  • Meagan
    Beginner December 2020
    Meagan ·
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    I understand your dilemma. I'm going through the same thing myself, I lost my father in January of this year and my wedding is in December. You will have your good days and your bad. I find that adding little touches to your wedding in remembrance is comforting. I for one am wearing custom made sneakers to let my dad his little tomboy hasn't gone anywhere, I have a reserved sign for him for the ceremony, and I'm wearing his dog tag from when he served in Vietnam as my necklace for the wedding. Since I know that my wedding day will also be a tough day for my mother (they were married for almost 50 years) I found a beautiful ring with intertwined bands with both of their birthstones for my mother to wear so she knows that Dad is right there with her. So, if you ever need someone to listen when times get difficult feel free to reach out. Just remember, your grandmother wants you to be happy and she will be celebrating with you.

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  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle Online ·
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    I lost one of my best friends last year to pancreatic cancer, a month after we got engaged. Last month I lost another friend to breast cancer. FH’s childhood friend died in a motorcycle accident in May and his other friend took his life last year. So, in addition to covid and postponing the wedding a year, we’ve faced some rough situations. It’s not easy and it’s totally heartbreaking that neither of them will be at our wedding. But, for me, I find comfort in knowing that my girls at least knew about the engagement and were very happy for me. I also know that they’ll be enjoying our wedding from above. 😌
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  • Ana
    Savvy February 2022
    Ana ·
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    That is so heartbreaking to hear and I am sorry for your losses Smiley sad

    I remember sending my grandmother a picture of my engagement ring while she was in the hospital. She was so happy for me. She said she needed to get better to go to my wedding. ( I cry every time I remember that). Her last words to my fiancé was "take care of them" (my daughter and I). But like Megan and you said, At least she passed knowing I was going to get married to a good man, and I do have comfort in the fact that she is no longer suffering, that she is better than any of us, in heaven. And she would want me to be happy on my wedding day.

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  • Ana
    Savvy February 2022
    Ana ·
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    I like that touch of wearing his necklace. My grandmother gave my sister her necklace that she wore everyday that I would love to borrow and wear on my wedding day.

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