Planning wedding but considering not to have it

Can you scale down what you have? Do something with less guests? Did you send out save the dates? If you didn't you could change it up to something smaller and less expensive.

It takes 2 people to have a wedding, so your SO needs to have this conversation with you. What exactly is it that is making you change your mind about having a wedding? Is it the cost? The stress of planning? Something else?

I think the bigger problem here is that your soon to be spouse is putting all if the mental load of wedding/no wedding on you. That should be a joint decision, not a "whatever makes you happy"


What is making you want to change plans? The cost? Stress of planning? The simple fact you're not a people person (me either it's okay)?

We ask how you're feeling specifically because there are so many highs and lows with wedding planning. It can feel really lonely and stressful. But, your fiance should be an equal partner in decision-making and stress. Have a talk with them because this wedding should feel like a celebration of you two as committed life partners, a team.


If it's more about guilt and money, eventually you will find all things you want in life require hard work and money to get it. Whomever is paying for this wedding knows this already and wants this for you. Feel like you deserve this happy day. You get one wedding (hopefully). But, please be sure you and your future spouse are on the same page before moving forward. And like Jacks adds, if you haven't sent out Save the Dates to all those invited to the wedding, you can still scale back the size and scope of your party to where you feel comfortable.

Go with your gut and make sure to have a discussion with your fiancé. I can relate completely as I was in the same boat as yourself when we first got engaged on Christmas day. I did want a wedding and we're getting married 8/19. However, what I discovered about myself was that the large wedding with hundreds of guests in a fancy banquet hall was not me. Of course, I figured this out after paying a $1000 deposit on a venue I didn't want. I lost my deposit which was ok with me because in the end, I'm getting married the way I want to. My fiancé and I decided to get married at home, in the backyard. Food, DJ, tents and 80 of our closest friends and family. I realized that at the end of the day, I just want to be surrounded by the people I love most to witness one of the happiest times of my life. Talk to your SO to get a true sense of what you both want and meet in the middle. Your wedding should be on your terms, do not go all out and spend tons of money, especially if you're doing it to please others. Wedding planning is stressful, overwhelming and it can feel daunting when your heart isn't in it. You still have time to alter your plans and make your wedding day exactly what you both want it to be.

I felt that way. My fiancee was the one that wanted a wedding. I wanted to elope. It's really stressful to plan and the money is always a concern. I still think eloping would have been a better idea, even if it meant losing our deposits. On the other hand, my bridal shower was so much fun. If it was a glimpse of what the wedding will be like, I think the wedding will be a blast. I agree with others though, your SO needs to be an equal partner in this. If it's left up to you, I'd say take the $2800 loss and elope/have a courthouse wedding.

You and your fiancé need to have a conversation. At the end of the day make sure you both communicate about this. Going into the marriage you both need to be together on things. Just have a small wedding and invite limited amount of people.

Oh no! Maybe have someone help you guys talking through it. This is an important conversation and a successful marriage is one that practices until they can talk about uncomfortable things in the way you BOTH NEED.
Think about being open to doing some of it for him and telling him what you are willing to do and still be happy and ask again what he wants. Assure him you guys can work together to both be happy and get what you want, and that you don't want to make the decision by yourself you truly want to know how he feels about everything and what he thinks the ideal outcome would be.