Arlene
Devoted March 2020

Planning is no longer fun

Arlene, on July 29, 2019 at 3:27 PM Posted in Planning 0 33
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Bear with me..

I use to be VERY excited in wedding planning. I use to dream of doing stuff with my MOH or BMs but now I just feel let down and I finally had to let it out. Out of my huge bridal party I only have 2 local my JR BM and my MOH, my jr BM is only 14. My MOH got pregnant and just had her baby and before and after and during pregnancy has not been very involved which is fine. People have lives I do not expect anything. The rest of my BMs are out of county or up state so it is hard to see them unless get togethers. My FH Best Man lives 1.5 hour away but always makes sure he is set up and taken care of, my MOH and I have yet to talk about anything and it is my best friend, Different dynamics, she has canceled on me many times and that is okay.

However I am sad, I should be excited to go to my 2nd dress shopping but I am not. MOH cannot come and hasn't been able to do anything and that is fine my JR BM and her mom were going to come but they had a family emergency so my out of state BM and out of county ones are going to try and come but I said it was fine no need to waste money to come down and travel. I do not mind taking my mom only but I did want someone elses opinion who is more modernized as my mother is elder. I feel I have been doing this on my own with me and my FH and I just feel on my end it is kind of embarrassing to ask others if they can come with me to look at dresses again. I honestly am over the planning I am over it completely and just want to marry my best friend and move forward in life. I am not asking anyone to pay for anything I am not asking anyone for help, just to come with me to try dresses but it seems impossible. I now regret and wish we did something smaller or a DW. My mother is ill and my dream was to have her walk with me and my dad down the aisle and I will do that. But the planning part is making very sad and I had to express it.. I have had a few friends offer to come but same time I feel horrible even more because they aren't in the bridal party so I just feel weird. I think I wish my MOH was more involved or I had my BMs closer rather than being 3-6 hours away.. If you got this far in reading..thank you lol any advice or encouraging tips are greatly appreciated.

33 Comments

  • Kayla
    Dedicated May 2021
    Kayla ·
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    Hey! I'm so sorry to hear that you're not enjoying planning anymore! Planning a wedding and eventually getting married is definitely something we all dream about and I can understand how disappointing it may be to be the only one involved. My advice is to try to look at the big picture and remember that no matter what you'll be marrying your best friend soon enough! Maybe try scheduling a FaceTime or Skype with your whole bridal party sometime to give them updates or just to talk! It may also be worth talking to your MOH who lives in town and letting her know how you feel.

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  • Allaura
    Devoted April 2021
    Allaura ·
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    I think if they offer to come they are showing you they want to be apart of the experience with you and they are willing to be there for you. I think if you really feel like you’re doing this alone tell your friends or whoever that they are more than welcome to come but like not required to. You guys can all go have lunch or whatever and make a day of it so then they aren’t there for just your dress appointment. But it seems like you have other people that are willing to make an effort to be there with you.
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  • Arlene
    Devoted March 2020
    Arlene ·
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    Yea true they are to an extent..1 I plan to have come if she can and my future MIL.

    However the friends coming are flakey themselves so I don't put my hopes up..they also made sly comments in the past on why they werent BM's so I just was trying to avoid any of those issues. You are right though, I think my mom my MIL and myself will be just fine it makes me sad to think its not ideal but it is okay. It will all turn out alright

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  • Arlene
    Devoted March 2020
    Arlene ·
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    You're right I have been told that to talk to MOH but I don't know, I slid it in there yesterday while we were talking but between me and you I feel she just may not care. Idk but its okay you are absolutely right look forward to marrying him and I will forget the rest but facetime is a good idea too thank you so much. Yes very disappointing indeed but it is okay..I'll be okay Ty guys for even reading my long post lol

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  • Cher Horowitz
    Rockstar December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    I'm sorry you're feeling this way! You're very right for understanding your BP isn't supposed to help you plan, but it can feel really discouraging when you don't feel supported. If the date on your profile is correct, there's still some time to go. I'm sure everyone will get more excited as the date gets closer Smiley smile

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  • Arlene
    Devoted March 2020
    Arlene ·
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    Thank youSmiley heart

    Yea they are all supportive they are all just so far for the ones who are..

    The only one local is very absent in planning or shopping

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  • Katie
    Super November 2019
    Katie ·
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    I completely understand this! My MOH is my sister and lives on the other side of the city from me and it is an hour drive, she also has a 8 month old baby and teaches school so she is getting ready for the new school year. My best friend and bridesmaid lives in SC and I live in TX and she also just had a baby in March, and won't be here until the weekend of the wedding due to flight cost. My family lives 4 + hours away so I don't get to do anything wedding related with them either. I was going to skip the bridal shower because I have no family close and I would feel bad making them drive 4 hours to attend but my FMIL said I needed one and so she is driving 6 hours to throw me one. I was over wedding planning until I took my FH with me to buy my reception dress and when I saw the way he looked at me I knew it would all be worth it in the end.
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  • Arlene
    Devoted March 2020
    Arlene ·
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    Yea I feel you on all of that, it is tough.

    Unfortunately I am only doing 1 dress and he isn;t coming with me lol we do not want him to see me. I am taking my mom. and possibly future MIL. We are doing this on a budget and I do not want to take my mom 1.5 hour away to look at the stores with easier pricing as my mom is ill and will be to tired and if I go local dresses are more expensive so I am confused and honestly lol very over it.

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  • Jessica
    VIP September 2020
    Jessica ·
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    I’m sorry you’re feeling so down! We all know no one is going to be as excited about our weddings as we are, but it still hurts sometimes! I like the FaceTime/Skype suggestion, maybe even at the dress appt if you can do you can get some more feedback if you need it- definitely have someone take pictures too. To be honest with you, I brought my MOHs, mom, aunt, FH’s aunt, and our 4yo daughter and every dress they just went on and on about how great I looked, they didn’t like the one I fell in love with and picked any more than any of the others. It was special to have that experience with them, but it was about sharing the experience versus getting feedback. I know when I had both of my children my best friend and I drifted apart for a while and it took time. You can try talking to your MOH and telling her you miss her and you appreciate her opinions and feedback, hopefully you two can figure out a new balance in your relationship. Good luck!
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  • Arlene
    Devoted March 2020
    Arlene ·
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    Lol what if the unbalance was prior to the wedding?

    that is a whole nother story and it is fine, I have learned to accept things and go forward.

    I believe at the end of the day itll just be me and my mother and that is perfectly fine!

    I am actually just looking at local stores and will just look on my own with my mom or even alone. All my excitement is gone, I really just look forward to marrying my FH, the planning is no longer fun,

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  • Melle
    Champion June 2019
    Melle ·
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    Aw I know what that feels like. My bridal party members were so busy with their own lives it felt like they weren't as excited as I'd hoped. I'm sure they're all super excited but have so much going on.
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  • Arlene
    Devoted March 2020
    Arlene ·
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    They are but they are over 3 hours away so I don't plan to have them at the wedding dress shopping. I see them at family parties or big events or when we shopped for them but I wouldnt ask them to fly to Cali or drive 3-6 hours just to find my dress lol.

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  • Ceelie
    Expert August 2019
    Ceelie ·
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    I totally get it! I have done all the wedding planning myself (aside from minor details I got help with like invites and attire) but unfortunately sometimes that's just how it goes for some of us. I thought I'd have a lot of people included and wanting to help, but people are busy with their own lives and it can feel a little disheartening, but at least you're looking at the bigger picture which is marrying your best friend! I would just try to simplify some things you're planning to ease any stress, and only involve those closest to you, because they're the ones who will be the most supportive at the end of the day. Best of luck!

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  • Arlene
    Devoted March 2020
    Arlene ·
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    Well said agreed thank youSmiley heart

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  • Katie
    Super November 2019
    Katie ·
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    I only had my Mom and her Mom with me when I went dress shopping. I made my alterations appt. the same day as my sisters appt. for her bridesmaids dress that way she got to see my dress but other than that it is a surprise to everyone. I wasnt going to do a second dress but I will be wearing 5 in heels because my FH is 6' 3" and I am 4' 11" so I wanted to be somewhat of a "normal" height for pictures but then didn't want to wear those shoes all night so I had to get something to change into so my dress wasn't 5 inches longer and dragging the ground.
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  • Ana
    Savvy December 2019
    Ana ·
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    I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way.. but everything will turn out just fine! Don’t give up! Wish you the best 💕
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  • Arlene
    Devoted March 2020
    Arlene ·
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    Thank you ❤️❤️❤️
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  • Ana
    Savvy December 2019
    Ana ·
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    No problem 🤗💞
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  • Arlene
    Devoted March 2020
    Arlene ·
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    Ahh makes sense, sounds awesome though! Yea it will be me and my mother and probably MIL but both are sick and elderly so its tough you know if they didnt feel well or something.

    All will be okay Smiley heart

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  • Elisa
    Dedicated May 2020
    Elisa ·
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    I am so sorry you're feeling this way. I completely understand where you're coming from. A bunch of my friends have been part of other peoples' weddings prior and all I remember is them complaining about the stuff they had to do, how expensive everything was and etc., so I don't want to bring those same issues to them again. So far I haven't asked anyone for help except my mom here and there because I don't want to burden them. I did the majority of the dress shopping alone with my mom, which to be honest, I don't regret. I've heard horror stories about other peoples opinions and there just being too many hands in the pot. For the dress it may be okay that you're only listening to your own critic instead of everyone else's opinions. All that matters is that you feel beautiful and you feel like you're the truest version of yourself. Hopefully closer to the date they will step their game up. But it does seem like there are some people that do care, even if theyre not part of the bridal party. Maybe make those ppl honorary members or something so that you wont feel so awkward about asking for their assistance. In the meantime, keep your eye on the prize: your future husband, and the new chapter you're about to embark on in your life! Smiley heart xo

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