Plan b Wedding Guests?

And if your B list declines,
move on to a C list?

I would not count on 20% of your list declining like another PP said. There have been many, many posts on here from brides who over-invited expecting this and then were panicking when they didn't get the declines they expected. Only invite the number you can comfortably afford to host properly. Don't forget about people's SO's and plus ones that may come up during this process.

In this case you would send them out one at a time. Every time you receive an RSVP of no you send out a “b” list invitation.

I think people are being a little harsh about the “B list.” A lot of venues have capped capacities, and some people have large families, so it is tough to avoid a “B list” situation. For example, my FH has a very large extended family that we needed to invite (family dynamics) and also a large social circle. His side alone took up about 3/4 our venue’s capacity. He would like to invite all his friends, but we simply can’t because of the venue limits, and we need to invite family first. He expects several of his extended relatives will not be able to attend due to travel , which will open up space for friends he wanted to invite in the first place. The aren’t just fillers, which I think people are automatically assuming when they hear “B list.”

OP : I would send out invitations three months in advance. If you have a handful of people that you doubt would be able to come, I would casually bring it up in conversation with them to get a good feel for whether they are going to attend or not. “Maybe” usually means no, unless you’re dealing with someone with a highly unpredictable schedule due to work or something. Then you can base your decision to invite more people according to your projected attendance. I wouldn’t invite anyone later than two months in advance, especially if travel is required, because it’s disrespectful to their time. If you only have a handful of people over your limit, I would just invite them all and hope for the best (that’s what we’re doing, currently we have about 15 more people than our venue can accommodate, but we expect at least that many not to attend.)

Good luck!

I disagree with many people on this forum. Just send the B-list ones as soon as you hear declines. I think people understand if they're on the b list and it's up to them to decline or accept. We're lucky we have very understanding friends and told them that some of our relatives from out of state weren't able to come and there's a space for him and his wife and we'd love for them to join. They happily accepted!

These are the types of friends you'd want to invite and be friends with. Not sticklers thinking that because they're on the b list they're not as close friends. it's your wedding, do what you want, and party with awesome people!!

View Quoted Comment If you have a large family, you find a venue to accommodate it. If that’s not in budget,
then you invite what you can afford.

View Quoted Comment Exactly, yours is a great example of a situation where it makes sense to B list! Your friends won’t be offended that they came second to family lol. You ARE inviting who you can afford, but if enough family can’t make it then you can afford more friends! I’d be happy to receive an invite to a friend’s wedding... if I came second to other friends then maybe I’d be a little hurt but if I came second to family I wouldn’t be offended, would just be happy to get to go! Sounds like your friends know how to be happy for you even though you prioritize family!

Thank you to the people who gave a truly good answer based on my specific question that I asked, you’ve been a great help!

For the know it all’s, just so you know, the capacity at my venue was under 120 people. Due to my fiancé’s huge family, we cannot invite everyone that we “Want“. By having a B list, you have people that can potentially go to the wedding that you would want there, but you don’t have enough space for them as a plan a Guest.

View Quoted Comment It’s not a budget problem- the largest venue in our area could accommodate 170, and we have more people than that. If there was a larger venue we would go with that.

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This isn't a good rule of thumb. We had only two RSVP no. Other brides who have posted have had similar experiences.

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I'm doing it, regardless lol

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Nope, already booked the venue. and yes, we will have our B list as well, thank you

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I'm sure the people who don't 'approve' of the B list don't have many friends or family that they can invite. I've been "B" listed and I was never offended. I look at it as, people invite close family and friends first and if I'm still considered a possibility then that's awesome! People get sooo offended when it comes to weddings. A lot of people who post on these forums have too big of opinions that don't even answer the question that's being asked. You weren't asking whether or not people approved of a "B" list. You were asking when to send RSVPs. People just don't get it.

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Actually. I have a huge family with 15 first cousins alone (let alone their SOs and kids). My FH is from an even bigger family, his mother is one of 15, and his dad is one of 12. We never even attempted to count how many first cousins he has. We still didn't b list because 1. At one point your family gets so large that even if you see them on a regular basis you know who you are actually close to and who you aren't. Even with this family, which is large on BOTH sides, and whom we see on a fairly regular basis we didn't get to invite everyone and STILL didn't B list. Because its rude and people understand. They understood we have a budget, they understood we respect their time and plans, the understand that if we were millionaires we would invite everyone, but we aren't and we can't

They understand because they are family, and they might be disappointed but they were okay. B listing has nothing to do with having a large family. Ever. At all. People with large families still make the choice not to b-list their loved ones out of respect for them

For the record everyone who spoke against a b- list did answer the question - she asked when to send RSVPs and people gave advice that was "b listing is a bad idea, so we don't advise you do that at all and listed legitimate reasons why" which is very much on topic. Just because the answer isn't what the op WANTS doesn't make it not a valid answer or unrelated. I

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This!! I have a very large family and still didn't invite everyone. Many of them I only see at funerals. Just because we are family doesn't mean that I was required to invite them to my wedding! I prioritized the people I communicate with and see regularly over family that I may see every few years.

We are sending Save the Dates to only the must invite people who we couldnt imagine not having there, and most especially the ones of those that need to travel. But the invites will go to everyone at once. If an out of town VIP guest lets us know that they know they wont be able to make it after the Save the Date (I'm thinking the more elderly guests who we know arent really able to travel but we want them to know we wish we could have them there), we will add to our guest list, and those friends will never know. (We are telling local friends that we are only sending Save the Dates to people who will need a hotel and people in the wedding/helping with DIYs so they wont be expecting one.) The only time I would invite an additional person after the initial invites go out would be if I started getting close to someone after and wish I could have included them, and that would include a frank conversation that the invites went out before we started to get to know each other but that I now wish I had known how cool they were before so I could have sent them an invite. And then I would tell them we still have space and ask if they would be interested. No one will fault you for not knowing them well before (especially since they would know that fact) so there isnt the same chance for hurt feelings.

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If I invited everyone I wanted to invite, my part of the list alone would inflate to another 40 people, not counting anyone from FH's side or my parents. We could not afford all these people, so we made cuts where we needed to. I would be more offended being B-listed than I would not being invited. Your assumptions are gross. Just like a B-list.

ETA: Everyone's always talking about budget on this site and how "people understand because you're on a budget" when they want to do something like a cash bar, but I guess that logic doesn't apply when you want to cram as many people as possible into your venue.

If your going with B list I would send them out as you get "No rsvps" back. If this happens to be after the RSVP date just call them a day after you send them and say " hey we haven't received your rsvp for the wedding, are you guys coming?" Just play it off as it got lost in the mail. They will never know. We really did have some invites get lost in the mail.

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This exactly. Make a priority list and then send them out as the "no" responses come in.

The majority of my RSVPs came in the week before the deadline, which was just two weeks before the caterer needed final numbers. It would have been impossible for me to invite additional people in that time frame. I did, however add people to my guest list after a few people said they couldn't come after the STD went out. Mind you, I didn't send an STD to everyone I invited and those invitations went out at the same time as others and within the normal time frame. People also don't tend to respond to a STD, so some people got one, couldn't come, but didn't let me know ahead of time. I was also prepared to accommodate everyone in case plans changed. I would not suggest inviting over your venue capacity, though.

FWIW, I had 50 people at my wedding, which is fewer than just the number of first cousins that I have. So I understand the desire to b-list, it's just logistically difficult because you have to be able to collect a certain number of no responses early in order to still send invites on time, maybe have two sets of RSVP cards, as well as rude if you end up inviting people really close to the wedding.