Plan b Wedding Guests?

Personally I would never B list someone. I have been B listed & although it didn't bother me, I know others who have been really put off by it.

You'd have to send their invites after an "A" list invite said no, which would probably be like a month out from the wedding, so I'm assuming the "B" list would realize they were on the 2nd list!

Usually it is pretty frowned upon to B list anyone. I probably wouldn't do this so there wouldn't be any hurt feelings.

View Quoted Comment Thanks for your opinion and sorry about your experience, button didn’t pertain directly to my question, and my question wasn’t answered. We are having a B list regardless.

You aren't going to get much support or advice here on that topic. It's seen as rude. We didn't B list anyone and most people would be hurt by being a second choice guest.

How in the world would you send invites with RSVPs that are already past due? “You weren’t as important as the other people we invited so we had to wait for some people to say no first” is what B listing says.

A lot of people here will say it’s really rude to B list so be ready for the possible responses. Can you send out your invitations a little earlier? That way people have more time to rsvp ahead of time, and if you get some declines you’ll know to go ahead and send out the B list invites.

That’s personally what I am doing. I’m having a semi small wedding and we are sending out invitations with a 2 month RVSP deadline. There are only two people who are on my B list. One is my uncle, and the other is my friend from high school who really wanted to come, but we are on a tight budget and she and I aren’t that close anymore.

View Quoted Comment Hmmmm well when you put it that way, I may disregard the B list then

As future mrs d said, you would want to do it as soon as you get a no. This way they might not realize they were b listed. I wouldn't wait until after the RSVP deadline. If you can send invitations sooner rather than later (say 10 weeks instead of 8), you may get some no rsvps right away. Then send the b list people immediately upon receiving no's and maybe they won't know it is coming late? Especially if they don't know anyone else going then who would they hear from that invites already went out? (you still may be able to have your b list out 8 weeks before). Hopefully that makes sense.

You don't b-list anyone. Most people who RSVP no don't do so until the last minute to make absolutely sure they can come. By the time you have your nos in to send our your "b-list" it will be past your RSVP date, and everyone who receives an invite will know that based upon receiving a wedding invite 2-3 weeks before the event. They also probably won't be able to attend on such short notice.

Skip the B-list, budget what you can afford to host,and if you have some knows you either put that money back in the bank or consider using it to upgrade the experience for your guests who did rsvp yes.

There is no way to do this without them knowing they were B listed. Some may tell you they wouldn't find it rude but it really is. We all had/have those people we would love to invite but the budget just won't allow it. It is what it is, you have to draw a line somewhere and someone will always be left on the other side of it. If these 10 people were not important enough to you and your future spouse to make your guest list without being B listed, then they should not be invited at all.

Just don't. We have a list of "maybe invites" that we will evaluate when it's time to send them out. We didn't send STD cards. Much of FH's family is international, so if they say they will not be attending, we may send out a few of those maybe's, but all invites will go out at the same time.

If you have a B-List, make sure you send out your invites far in advance. Normally invites are sent 6-8 weeks out before the wedding. You should send yours out probably 9-12 weeks out with the hope that your B-Listers won't catch wind that invites have gone out already. With luck, you'll have enough "declines politely" by 6-8 weeks out to add in your B-Listers. Or you could invite everyone and hope for the best?

Your RSVP date should be the same for everyone. I personally did a month before the wedding to give myself time to chase down any stragglers.

Honestly there isn't a away to do this without them knowing they were B list guests and I think it's a bit rude. I would rather not be invited at all than be invited because someone else couldn't make it. Just IMO

I personally don’t agree with “b list” however if you are going go I would send one every time you get a no rsvp, send the next most important/meaningful persons out. Wish you he best of luck, and congrats on the wedding!

I just answered another post like this earlier today haha. Everyone on this site is going to discourage you from having a B list. Personally I think it’s fine to do as long as executed properly. You have to make sure:
(1) either the guests will not find out they are on the B list (meaning they don’t know any A list guests who could have mentioned receiving an invite earlier) OR they have to understand that you have limited space and know that they are on the B list, and genuinely be ok with that (definitely depends on knowing your guests and if they would REALLY be offended or not. For example a lot of my B list are my brother’s friends who don’t expect to be invited but would love to come. We told them they could come if we had enough “no”s and could fit them, and they were thrilled with that)
(2) you give the B list guests enough notice, meaning they have to have the invites well before the RSVP date (or you need a new RSVP date) and they should get the invites at least 6 weeks before the wedding. This means you’ll have to send out your first batch of invites much earlier, and also anticipate that people may not send in their “no”s that early. In that case, once it passes your 6 week mark, you really can’t add more people without being rude.
Like I said this is very different from the other things you’ll hear on this site but I do think there is a “right” way to do a B list, and it’s ok to do as long as you execute it properly

Send them when you send all of the invites. Just don't B list. That's tacky and rude. If I was B listed I would RSVP with a hard no.

If you need to "make sure they don't find out" about it, then that is your proof that it's rude and shouldn't be done. I've seen a friendship get changed from this. People got their invitations and one person didn't. A few weeks later, she gets one. She knew what happened and it hurt her. She was fine with not being invited, but when it became that she was good enough to invite when someone else couldn't come, she thought it was just to get a gift. If your excuse is budget, then you just take the declines as helping your budget, not maxing out your budget by inviting the maximum number of guests you can. Also, using a B list to add people who you aren't even friends with isn't the same as tiering your friends by who you will invite in the first string, second string...

Many "no" RSVPs also wait until the last minute because they feel bad or they just don't send them back.

I'm not going to echo the sentiment above (although I agree), but let you know that a good rule of thumb is that 20% of those invited don't come no matter if you think they will or not. I agree with budgeting for what you can afford, but maybe that will ease your concerns about budget and inviting guests.

I would send one after one of the "A" listers rejected. This way, you can plan in a timely manner.