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Madelaine
Dedicated August 2018

Picking a Flower Girl/ring Bearers

Madelaine, on February 11, 2018 at 12:13 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 30

I need advice on how to pick the little ones for my wedding!

How little is too little--how old is too old?

How did you all pick your flower girls and/or ring bearers?

--A little info on my situation--

My FH has two friends who will have 1-year old girls at the time of the wedding. I also have a cousin who has 4 kiddos between the ages of 3-10. (B 3, B 6, G8, B 10) They do live in the same state as me, but I haven't been very good about keeping in contact with them. Is it weird to ask her to let two of her kids be in my wedding? Is 8 too old to be a flower girl? I have several options here but nothing screams "this one!"

30 Comments

Latest activity by FutureMrsN14, on February 13, 2018 at 3:16 PM
  • FutureMrsKC
    Master January 2019
    FutureMrsKC ·
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    Our flower girl is FH cousins daughter. FH and his cousin were super close growing up, like siblings, and she has a daughter who will be 2 and a half at our wedding as our flower girl. Our ring bearer is FH best mans son and he will be 5. I think under 10 years old is perfectly acceptable for flower girl/ring bearer. I've even seen people carry babies down the isle. Anything older than 10 or 12 should be junior bridesmaids or junior groomsmen.

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  • Malwen107
    VIP October 2018
    Malwen107 ·
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    You have who you WANT to be a part of your day. You don't ask random kids based on their age at the time. Our FG's will be 6-8 at the time, and I think it's perfect, because they will be old enough to follow direction, and have fun, vs crying the entire day. Personally I think 1 is too young, but I know some people like the wagon idea, etc

    These roles also are not required, so if you don't have someone you want to fulfill it, you don't have to.

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  • Katie
    Savvy October 2019
    Katie ·
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    Our flower girl will be my niece who will be 4 at the time of the wedding. That’s about as young as I’d go only because any younger than that and the sweet little girl may not understand she has to walk down the aisle or may get frightened with all the people. As for age limit, I wouldn’t go older than maybe 8 or 9
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  • WinterMarie
    Super November 2018
    WinterMarie ·
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    My flowers girls are my sister 4 y.o, FH niece 7 y.o, and my niece 8 y.o. Our ring bearers are my brother 10 y.o, and his nephew at 11 y.o. We are not entirely sure the boys with be "ring bearers" but they will be a part of the wedding party. Some people think they are too old for that but I don't really care what they do, haha. So we might just do two flower girls a girl ring bearer and just have the boys escort them or something. Not entirely sure. FMIL keeps saying they can be escorts or ushers.

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  • K
    Dedicated April 2019
    Kelsey ·
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    My daughter will be 1.5 at our wedding. She will be a flower girl (in a wagon) and I’m not sure we will do a ring bearer
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  • Eva
    Dedicated July 2018
    Eva ·
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    My flower girl will be 1yr 4mo old, Ringbearer will be 3 and their older brother who is 9 will be assisting them down the aisle.

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  • Red Queen
    VIP May 2018
    Red Queen ·
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    I wouldn't ask children you aren't close to. That just sounds like you're using them as cute props.

    My son will be nearly nine and he wants to be a ring bearer. We are letting him carry the real rings since I think he is mature enough.

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  • Deirdre
    Super March 2018
    Deirdre ·
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    If nothing screams the one, I just wouldn't have a ring bearer or flower girl. We aren't having one. I have seen many weddings where the younger kids ended up crying or not wanting to go down the aisle, so they didn't really have a kid go down the aisle anyway. If there is a kid in your life who you are close to/close to the parents, then go for it. If nothing is coming to mind, it will probably be easier if you skip it.

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  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
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    There's really no age limit. It's what they feel comfortable with. My BM has 4 kids, 3 girls and 1 boy, the youngest at 3 years old. Her oldest girl is 11 and her 2 sisters are 7 and 9. I asked her if her oldest wanted to be a jr bridesmaid or flower girl and she chose to be a flower girl. So the ages of my flower girls were 11, 9, and 7 and my ring bearer was 3. They were all adorable. There was a bride on WW who had her grandma be a flower girl. If you want them in your wedding party let them chose which role, flower girl or jr bridesmaid.

    Picking a Flower Girl/ring Bearers 1
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  • AC
    Devoted September 2021
    AC ·
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    My RBs are my son and 2 nephews and my FGs are my daughter and niece. If I didn’t have any close friend or family member I wouldn’t have any FG or RB. It’s not necessary to have them. You don’t want to have kids you don’t know at your wedding running around or misbehaving
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  • AC
    Devoted September 2021
    AC ·
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    But if you want to ask your cousin I will have the for of them. the oldest can carry a signor something else. I think it would be rude nust have two of her children there.
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  • AC
    Devoted September 2021
    AC ·
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    Edit: The four of them. Edit: Rude just to have two
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  • Madelaine
    Dedicated August 2018
    Madelaine ·
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    I would definitely already be inviting that whole family though so it's not like only two of them would be invited to the wedding. By "haven't kept in contact" I mostly mean I haven't talked to them in probably a year, but I still see them at Thanksgivings and Easters so the kids definitely know me.

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  • Madelaine
    Dedicated August 2018
    Madelaine ·
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    Edit: OP here.

    I suppose I should have clarified about how well I know my cousin and her kids. I'm not super close with her (she's 12 years older than I am) but I've definitely seen her and her kids on Thanksgivings and Easters and occasional summer meetups, so these aren't just "random kids". I would obviously already be inviting the family.

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  • Michelle
    Expert February 2018
    Michelle ·
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    I have 2 godchildren, a boy and a girl. I knew I wanted them in my wedding, so even though they're kind of young (girl 2 years old, boy 3 years old), for me it was a given that they would be flower girl and ring bearer.
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  • Future Mrsclark031420
    Devoted March 2020
    Future Mrsclark031420 ·
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    I have 3 kids and my FSIL has 2. Her girls which will be 6 and 2 will be the flower girls along 2ith our daughter who will be 2 as well. Then my son's who will be 6 and 4 will be ring bearers.
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  • Denise
    Expert June 2018
    Denise ·
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    We skipped using kids in the wedding party all together. It's way too much work in my opinion. The BM will have the rings with him.
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  • Meaghan
    Dedicated September 2018
    Meaghan ·
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    If there’s no clear decision on a flower girl or ring bearer, don’t have them!
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  • NinjaBride
    Super June 2018
    NinjaBride ·
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    Ask who you are close to. You don’t have to have them at all if you don’t feel you are particularly close to any of them. I have 2 nephews and FH has 2 nephews and a niece. We are very close to all of them and see them regularly and they are all going to be in it because we couldn’t imagine not having them.
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  • Erica
    Expert August 2018
    Erica ·
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    Honestly have the ones who mean more to you. Those you want to be part of your wedding. I have my fiancee sister who is 10 and my son who will be 10. I was gonna do my son and my niece. But I have to many nephew and niece. And its not fair to me. So, I went with his sister because I don't want her missing her brother day. So I went with ones I can't live with out. We not having any other kids.
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