People who don't RSVP but show up...?

I think it would have been easier to assume they were coming rather than assuming they wouldn't. At least with the first assumption, you have made arrangements for their acceptance into your ceremony if they fail to inform you of their intentions. With the latter, as seemingly obvious, you are worrying over details that could easily be remedied if you just assume they will come.

Personally I would assume they are a NO as well. Also, I would not allow them into the reception venue. Especially since I am paying per person and having a sit down meal. If it was a buffet I might be more lenient, or if it was a couple or single person. When you say three families I think 4 people per family. That's 12 extra guests to pay for "in case"! Good luck with it.

Go with the NO. Some people who said yes will not show. And if they don't have anywhere to sit, it's their own damn fault. But I would give them a call or send an email saying that you had to give your caterer final numbers and since you still haven't heard from them, you can only assume they will not be able to make it.

Are these people relatives? I would make one more phone call (or ask my mom or MOH to do it) to say "I'm very sorry that you won't be able to make it to our wedding, but since today is the deadline to give our final count to the caterer and I still have not received a definite answer from you, I'll have to mark you down as 'no.' Hope to catch up with you some time soon!" That makes it clear that you marked them down as NO, you gave them a valid reason why, and it probably makes them feel like a bunch of dumb@$$es for leaving you hanging for so long. But most importantly, it will give you peace of mind that they're not going to just show up because they never communicated one way or the other if they're coming.

I say they are a NO. But what I found out is they almost balance out the ones that confirm they will come but didnt. I had a party of 5 and another party of 2 that didnt show up after confirming but I had 5 people that came without having ever confirmed....

I will call them and tell them that they can't come because you have already given the vendor numbers....ppl r too ridiculous

If they didn't give an answer with the RSVP and still didn't give an answer with the phone call, I'd mark them as a NO. If they show up, tell them you're sorry, but that's why you were trying to get an answer for them...so that they'd have a place to sit and food to eat. You can't get into some restaurants without a reservation. You can't get into a concert without a ticket. Why would someone just assume that they could go see your entertainment and have your food (which THEY would be getting for free) without at least the decency of saying YES to the RSVP card or call?

At this point, I would just leave them a message saying sorry you are unable to make it to our big day. Hopefully we can catch up afterward! If they truly are planning to attend they should call you back since you are letting them know you are planning on them not attending. If they do show up, I would not alllow them since I am paying per person for food and drink....or if you wanted to be nice, they cannot come in until dinner is over that way it is not costing you too much for people who cant bother to respond. Your wedding is next week and you really need to get the head count and seating chart in asap....and who needs the stress of stupid people?!

Allison, you make a good point. I was basically trying to do two seating charts, one including and one without these guests. That way if they show up, it would simply be a matter of pulling up extra seats to existing tables. It is a buffet.

I wanted to count them as "no" b/c if I count them as "yes" and have the extra table and seats already set up, then I am paying for them whether or not they come. That would be an additional $400 . In the follow up phone call, I did ask that they let me know an answer within a week b/c I was working out seating. It has been almost two weeks.

Only the adults of the families were invited, but as I am also discovering people don't always respect that either. If they decide to come and bring their children, the worst case scenario is 2 families of 4 and one family of 5. There is no way to simply pull up a few extra seats in that scenario. It would involve at least one extra table and one extra centerpiece.

I go with what Rosie said.

I'd give them one more phone call and just tell them you are sorry they are unable to attend and you will miss them, but maybe you can meet for dinner of something next month.

Go on the assumption that since they didn't say yes, they aren't coming. Tell them you have already given the caterer/venue/ etc a headcount, and they were not included since they never said yes.

I agree with most everyone above. Especially since I heard "of course, we'll be there" over and over after I tracked people down. At this point, I am also saying it is too late. I refuse to pay for people who will not show up.

I wouldn't stress about it, they didn't RSVP and they aren't calling you back. That makes them a no, and if they decide to show up then they can eat off the floor. If it makes you feel any better, we didn't have anyone show up who had not RSVPed.

No RSVP means not coming. If for some reason a much larger crowd shows at the ceremony your officiant can say something to the effect of, "Thank you all for coming to the ceremony and for all of you that did RSVP to the bride and groom to reserve space, please join us for the reception at..."

Good Luck!

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To ease your mind go ahead and call to confirm you are putting them down as a no. No RSVP usually means a not attending, but there are some that just assume you know they are coming. With family it should be easier to discern, but I guess you never know until the day comes. If anything have the parent that is directly related to the family member call and tell them they are considered a no at this point.

You should call them one last time and be clear that if you don't receive a definite answer from them, they will be marked as no..I dont care how close they are, but they should respect the fact that you or your family is paying for the wedding and need to know..they can't just not let you know and show up..if they show up after not letting you know, they should be turned away and sent home..sounds harsh..but I have no respect for people who can't respect someone else's time/money...