People only showing up to the reception?

I can’t believe so many people would do that! In that situation yeah I think you’d be good to put on your website or details card something like “The doors will be closed for the ceremony and reception at Xtime. Please arrive before this time to attend our celebration.”

Did his aunt have the ceremony and reception in the same place? Was it also a Saturday wedding? There will be some people who can't make the ceremony but with both parts of your event being the same place, I don't think it will be as much of an issue. I have missed a ceremony before. The ceremony was at a church close to where I live but the venue was 30 minutes away. There was an extended break between them. I didn't want to be dressed sitting around. So I didn't go. Everyone has different needs. I would personally want less people to attend my ceremony lol, less eyes on me. I will probably get my wish because my ceremony is at 5pm on a Friday. It's okay to feel that way but I'm not sure there is anything you can do about it.

I don't think you can put any kind of restriction on entry unless you want backlash. Is it generally rude, yeah. But unfortunately, people will do it. And what happens if there IS a legit reason they can't make the ceremony? Are you going to not "allow entry" for those people just the same as you would if someone just "didn't want to come?"

I think you just need to let it go and not allow it to stress you out. People will do what they are going to do. If you're convinced a person will only attend an event for the food, just don't invite them. Otherwise, I would just let it go and just be thrilled with whoever showed up to whatever events they showed up to and celebrate no matter what. No shows for both events are a part of wedding planning.

I mean if your inviting the same people, I guess I would note that they need to be there for both the ceremony and the reception, but some people can't do both. Like if kids are invited to the wedding and I was a mom bringing my kids, I probably would not sit through a ceremony with young kids who wont sit still and just show up for the reception or just one of us go to the ceremony and then the other show up with the kids for the reception. It's really up to you, it's your wedding but I would be prepared for some people to have a negative attitude about it.

That seems rude. Did your FH’s aunt have a gap between the ceremony and reception? Or were they at two different far locations?

I feel like it's unusual to have those kinds of numbers, unless your aunt purposely invited fewer people to the ceremony, and more people to the reception. Or, and this is still a little unusual, if she had a religious ceremony that was a religion not many of the family and friends participate in. I have known folks to skip church ceremonies because they were uncomfortable going to an unfamiliar religious ceremony, or specifically because they had little kids and it was a long Catholic or Orthodox ceremony. Or for whatever reason, they weren't comfortable sitting through an hour long mass. Either way, though, there's no polite way to demand that people show up for both. You *can* low key emphasize to your friends whom you've invited, in real life, about how excited you are that they'll be able to stand witness at your ceremony. That you really want to be surrounded by your friends and family. Emphasize that their attendance is special and meaningful to you.

Don’t you still pay for these people? If you need numbers in before the wedding date do you’d presumably be paying for people you lock out on the day of. It’s counterproductive and rude.

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Very well said! Emphasizing the importance is key! Keeping things positive-focused is always preferable to attempting anything that may come across as rude (even if it's not intended to be!)

I know it’s annoying but unfortunately it’s something that happens. Even on a Saturday a lot of people might still have work or other commitments that make it difficult for them to attend both. To make it more convenient for guests and to hopefully limit the number of people that skip the ceremony, maybe try scheduling them with a shorter amount of time in between and think about the locations. If the ceremony and reception are close to one another I think people would be more likely to come. Our ceremony and reception are in the same location but different rooms. Ceremony is from 4:30-4:45 at the most and then cocktail hour and reception are right after. I’m actually a little nervous about everyone showing up because space is a little limited 😅

I feel its EXTREMELY rude! I was on the fence about inviting an Uncle and Aunt that I'm not close to in the slightest, haven't seen in 10 years and knowing that if they came their son and his family that I'm actually close to probably wouldn't due to some bad blood. After talking to my grandma she pointed out to me that due to their religion they would most likely not show up for the ceremony anyways...only the reception, it may sound petty but that helped me make the decision not to invite them. Like you said, food and drinks are expensive...not to mention having the people I actually care about and want there, well that is priceless.

I've skipped wedding ceremonies before. (dodges the flying tomatoes aimed at my head)

My family would skip the wedding ceremony when I was a little girl and invited. Too long of a day and the ceremony was usually during nap time.

As an adult, i've never skipped a family member's ceremony but I did skip a friend's ceremony. Mostly because I just didn't think it was necessary to go. I've never really felt like the reception is a "thank you" to guests. I've always considered the reception to be a celebration. I don't know if my friend was all that upset...maybe she was...but I do know she received a wonderful monetary gift that more than paid for my and my date's plate.

Do you know if your aunt invited more people to the reception than the ceremony?

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That's so interesting! I feel like the whole thing is a package deal, and if you're going to skip one it would be the reception. It is interesting to hear your take. If you don't mind my asking, why didn't you feel it was necessary to attend your friend's ceremony?

I've never seen that happen and the majority of weddings ive been to have been in a church. Did your Aunts wedding have a large gap? If that's the case, I could totally see people making a decision about which to attend because gaps are very rude. As long as your cocktail hour or reception follows your ceremony immediately (factoring in any travel time, etc) you shouldn't have this problem.

With that much of a difference I feel like your Aunt did a tiered wedding... I really just don't see how 120 decided not to show up for the ceremony. Unless there was a large gap or separate locations far away for ceremony and reception? I would never skip a ceremony; that's the whole point of the day.

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Honestly, after the last ceremony I skipped, I said I would skip any other church ceremony lol. I won't skip my FSILs church ceremony in August though. I just don't like church ceremonies. Idk maybe I'm a jerk.

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I've honestly never thought of it as a big deal, especially not for friends. I only knew her at that point for maybe a year and truthfully didn't even expect to be invited.

My family never made skipping the ceremony that big a deal either. Even now, for my wedding my Mom specifically told me there's a big chance my ceremony won't have that many attendees.

Could just be a family thing because my FH scoffed at me when I told him skipping the ceremony at weddings isn't a big deal.

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I second this whole post. Of all the things to micromanage about your wedding, this one is not worth it, for you or your guests.

View Quoted Comment The reception is a part of the wedding itself. It is NOT a thank you for people who come to the ceremony. It used to be far more common to invite only immediate family or a very few close people to the ceremony part, and everyone to the reception part . People are also far more willing to go to ceremonies in another religion than in the past. Several major denominations used to outright ban their people from attending a religious service for another religion, and some banned outsiders from attending their religion part. So more people go to religious ceremonies not in their religion now, and loads of ceremonies are not religious. This has increased the number who come to both parts of the wedding over time, until the last decade. I think the rise of people taking an hour or sp for photos, not 15 minutes, and finding dream venues farther in time away, have increased the number recently who go to one part or the other. But the reception is not just for those who go to the ceremony, never has been. That is a recent notion. Look at the last 100 years of writings on it. And centuries in most of Europe and Asia, where many do not go to the ceremony, only the reception. . . As a result, many guests lol at it in a different perspective than some brides here, where it is perfectly fine to miss part and attend only the other part.

Hmmm, yeah I'm not sure about that one. That definitely is rude of people, but I don't think it'd be in good wedding etiquette to write that on your invitation (or anywhere else).