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Devoted November 2019

People making decisions for us...

HoneyImGallone, on July 30, 2019 at 1:43 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 40

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I am having a huge problem. My FH's family keeps changing everything about this wedding!

We want all the guys in gray suits, his dad doesn't want to wear that shade of gray wants his own custom suit instead
S'mores as our favors, too bad, his mom already ordered dipped almonds because it's an Italian tradition.
Wanted to make signs... guess we have to make or buy them to match the one his mom got because she already ordered one.
His mom told us she is doing a dessert table not because we want it but because she does.
His brothers ordered a photo booth for it without talking to us about it until after it was ordered... what if our venue didnt have a place for it? When we said that his mom said they were under the impression that we can't afford it so they did it and that most people would say thank you...
They ordered a trolley, but didn't ask how many people or what time... just picked a time... which is too early.
Asked what our count is for the rehearsal... told my fiance my count was wrong...
I also needed to add someone to the rehersal list... gave a head count to the places... didn't even tell us the head count they gave the place
The 1 bridesmaid on his side still hasn't ordered her dress even though it can take 16 weeks and the wedding is 15 weeks away

I hate dealing with is wedding st this point...

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40 Comments

Latest activity by Jennifer, on October 16, 2019 at 1:33 PM

Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 30, 2019 at 1:47 PM
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Oh my god... They really did a lot of decisions without you :/ is there a way you can incorporate the almonds into your smores? For instance doing little smores baggies you can just add the almonds into it, that way you still have what you want. I would just say I appreciate the help you've given but I'd really like for you to run things by me before you make the purchase
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Champion October 2018
Kelly · on July 30, 2019 at 2:04 PM
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As far as his dads suit, if he’s not a groomsmen he can wear whatever he want. For everything else I would just say I’m sorry you did that without asking me first because other plans have been made so we will not be using the items you purchased. For the bridesmaid if she doesn’t have a dress she can be a guest.
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Devoted November 2019
HoneyImGallone · on July 30, 2019 at 2:11 PM
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I keep reading that is they are a part of the procession they should be wearing whatever is considered uniform for the wedding
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Champion October 2018
Kelly · on July 30, 2019 at 2:13 PM
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Nope! They won’t be in pictures with the wedding party or be walking down the aisle with anyone in the wedding party so it doesn’t matter at all.
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Master September 2019
Sherry · on July 30, 2019 at 2:21 PM
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Are they paying for the entire wedding? If so, they definitely get a say in what is planned. If not, why are you not planning your own wedding?
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Devoted November 2019
HoneyImGallone · on July 30, 2019 at 2:34 PM
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My parents are paying for most of it.
They said they would pay for the flowers and dessert table... but only what isn't included in the package my parents are paying for... we were going to go with ice cream for our package and just get a small 1 layer cake for us to cut... she wants an Italian dessert table. I didn't fight it because it is not something I specifically do not want there, but now she just keeps doing it!
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Master September 2019
Sherry · on July 30, 2019 at 2:38 PM
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Gotcha! It sounds like it is already really out of hand but you should sit down with them and let them now how far off from the vision of your wedding this has gotten. See if there are things you can compromise on to make it your wedding and not theirs! Good luck, hope everything works out for you. I cannot even imagine!
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Champion October 2009
2d Bride · on July 30, 2019 at 2:52 PM
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Really, they don't. Mothers almost never wear the same dresses as the bridesmaids. And there is no reason fathers should have to match the groomsmen, either.
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Devoted June 2019
C R · on July 30, 2019 at 2:53 PM
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They may honestly feel as though they are helping. In some families and cultures, tradition runs very strongly (she says, after having just married into an Italian family! 😄).
I think your next move is to sit down with FH and nicely explain that you’d like him to nicely explain to his family (note: this is HIS function, not yours; if it were your family, you would take the lead on communicating) that while you appreciate all of their efforts and are deeply touched by their enthusiasm, you feel as though the planning has slowly gotten away from you and you would once again like to take the lead. If they are willing, you’d love to reach out to them when/if you find something you need help with.
Good luck!
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Champion October 2009
2d Bride · on July 30, 2019 at 2:56 PM
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Where is your FI in all this? In general, he should be the one talking to his family. If he talks to them, they already have a relationship, and this is not going to impair it. If you are the one talking to them, it's easy for them to see you as just being difficult.
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on July 30, 2019 at 3:05 PM
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Your fiance needs to talk to them and tell them he's really glad they're excited but they need to wait to be asked to do something instead of assuming. Sounds like they're trying to be nice but need some boundries.
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Devoted November 2019
HoneyImGallone · on July 30, 2019 at 3:18 PM
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He and his mom do not get along that well. I have hardly said anything to them. He is the one that told them we just don't know if the hptoto booth would work at the venue especially because we are having cornhole on the patio already and she said what the H is the cornhole thing? Most people say thank you when someone does something for them and then said they thought the reason we weren't having it is because we can't afford it... my parents are paying for MOST of this wedding. Who are you saying you don't think can afford it?

I'm just very upset right now because everytime something is checked off this list it gets put back on because they did something or didn't do something, or don't want to do something
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Super August 2019
Tina · on July 30, 2019 at 3:29 PM
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That is on another level. Not sure what to think here because they are all out of bounds and it seems to just be the way they are. What does your honey think? I just know I would not let them hi jack my wedding
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Dedicated October 2019
Yobana · on July 30, 2019 at 4:40 PM
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I think the whole "they're helping us so they have a say " is totally BS. if they offered to help, perfect how sweet of them BUT its your wedding!! your Day!! I think you should make it clear to them, getting upset wont do anything if you're not speaking up, dont have to be rude about it but just mention that you dont feel like it's even about your guys anymore but about them.
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Expert August 2019
Ceelie · on July 30, 2019 at 4:58 PM
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I agree with PP's, I would have your SO talk to them since they have a different relationship. I'm sorry that would drive me crazy
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Master May 2021
Cristy · on July 30, 2019 at 7:03 PM
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It's unfortunate that FH and his mother don't get along that well, but that's not really your problem. FH needs to stand up to his family--ALL OF THEM--and explain that while you both appreciate that they are trying to help, you feel that they have hijacked your wedding, and you're getting farther and farther away from your vision. You must present as a united front to his family--even if the two of you don't agree on everything.
I totally agree with Kelly above. I'm sorry you bought all that and/or did all that, but we are going in a different direction on that. Keep it simple, but firm.
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Super July 2020
D · on July 31, 2019 at 12:30 AM
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FH needs to make a stand. This is out of control because no one has told them "no". It's his side of the family and he has to be the one to talk.
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Super September 2019
Denise · on July 31, 2019 at 3:11 PM
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Oh my goodness. It seems you have an overbearing or omreso "Over-helpful" family on your hands. Any way to make some of their decisions work for you? I really hope so
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Devoted November 2019
HoneyImGallone · on July 31, 2019 at 3:24 PM
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The thing is, idc about the almonds or photo booth of desserts... it's the fact that they are doing the things without checking with anyone first.
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Expert September 2019
Martika · on July 31, 2019 at 3:59 PM
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So sorry for the stress. I can only imagine what you are dealing with. to ease your mind, for the suit his dad does not have to be in the same color if he is not a groomsmen. My dad expressed that he didn't think it was necessary for him to wear the same color, so for him he will wear a champagne/gold bow tie and accessories to match the colors. I wasn't too torn up about it. I rather everyone be comfortable. Also, if the parents are paying for the wedding, as much as it may suck, they do have a big say in what happens. I would express that you aren't okay with a few things and try to come to common ground.
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