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FutureFuji
Devoted October 2017

People assuming they can bring their kids...

FutureFuji, on September 28, 2017 at 11:14 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 39

Anyone else having this issue? I know it's not proper etiquette to put "adults only" on the invitation so we listed it on our wedding website which was on a details card sent with the invites. I had a feeling my cousin and his wife would assume their 2 year old was invited which is exactly what happened. I had to tell her that we're not having any children at the wedding and that we hope they can make arrangements but understand if they can't make it. His wife is guilt tripping me saying they probably can't go now. I'm standing firm on this one. I don't understand why people assume their young child is invited to a wedding when they were not included on the invitation. Anyone else have a similar situation, and how did you handle it?

39 Comments

Latest activity by Ariella, on September 30, 2017 at 8:48 PM
  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    "You'll be missed", repeat as needed. Lots of people have dealt with it. Stand your ground.

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  • Bulbasaur
    Devoted September 2020
    Bulbasaur ·
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    If that's what you want, stand by it. It's only a guilt trip if you go along.

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  • Ariadne
    Savvy December 2017
    Ariadne ·
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    We have a few people who we think won't come because their kids weren't invited. -shrug-

    I second Jack's advice.

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  • Rachel DellaPorte
    Rachel DellaPorte ·
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    The reason you don't put "no children" or "adult only" on the invitation is simple; the invitation is sent to whom it is addressed. Mr. and Mrs. Mykidsarecoming know that; they realize that their kids aren't invited the moment they read the names on the invitation (and if somehow they miss that, the RSVP card will give them a double message).

    You are not their social secretary. There is absolutely no reason that the couple is required to do anything more than invite adult guests. The fact that family members actually contact you to correct your invitation is the height of rudeness. They wouldn't think of contacting the CEO of his or her company to ask if the kids, uninvited, could come to the annual holiday party or some fund raiser. Why? Because doing so would give them pause -- pause related to the fact that their paychecks were signed by the person they are questioning. It is no different for a wedding.

    They either figure it out, attend as an adult couple, or they stay home. Stay strong. If they decline, so be it. All you need to say to the rude parents who try to correct your invitation is, "Oh, we're so sorry that you can't attend. We're so happy that you'll be celebrating with us in spirit, if not in person." Period.

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  • muriel
    Champion June 2018
    muriel ·
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    Lots of couples have the same problem. She can only guilt trip you if you allow it. Sorry, we'll miss you.

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  • L
    Just Said Yes October 2018
    Lauren ·
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    I've seen lots of great ways to say no kids aloud on your invites on Pinterest. The best piece of advice I've seen is BE DIRECT. Don't beat around the bush, don't put it in a discrete place. Be straight forward and direct, that way there's no misunderstanding. With the exception of a flower girl/ring bearer (I don't want kids present in any capacity!) stand firm and do not allow any exceptions. You can only imagine the salty looks you'll get when your cousin sees your ooother cousin there with kids.

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  • FutureFuji
    Devoted October 2017
    FutureFuji ·
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    I cannot fathom having a two year old at the wedding. Kids are great, but every wedding I've been to has had a chorus of screaming kids during the ceremony and FH and I agreed at the start of wedding planning that we would have adults only. Not budging.

    I had a good friend who told me he "would not be bringing a plus one but would have his two kids" (ages 2 and 5) with him. I had to break the news to him and as a result, he isn't coming. Which is fine. I'm just shocked at how many people assume their very young children are invited to a wedding then give attitude when they're informed politely that it's adults only...

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  • Rachel DellaPorte
    Rachel DellaPorte ·
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    I know...FutureFugi...the effrontery is truly shocking. Don't worry about it. Carry on and host your wedding as you see fit.

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  • Melissa
    Expert October 2018
    Melissa ·
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    Gee again I can't wait for my turn at this. Why do people have to make already difficult planning more difficult?!

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  • FutureFuji
    Devoted October 2017
    FutureFuji ·
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    @Rachel- actually, she didn't ask at all. I had this weird feeling that they would assume their child was invited. Coincidentally, they invited us to said child's upcoming birthday party. I thought it would be a good opportunity to passively let them know we are having an adults only wedding. I said on the FB birthday invite "Unfortunately, we won't be able to make it, we will be on our honeymoon. Sorry we won't be able to meet the little cutie" and she commented and said "oh you'll meet him, he'll be at the wedding". -_-

    So I sent her a private message relaying that it's adults only. Standing firm. Thanks for the support and advice all.

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  • JustAnotherJessica
    Dedicated October 2017
    JustAnotherJessica ·
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    I have no advice on how to handle but can sympathize. My cousin tried to guilt trip me by saying that her daughter "really wants to come". She's 10. I can guarantee that she doesn't care one bit about it.

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  • FutureFuji
    Devoted October 2017
    FutureFuji ·
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    The youngest we're having is like 13 I believe, but she is my first cousin and I don't consider that to be a child... teenagers are fine with us, but a toddler is a different story.

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  • bluevelvet
    Devoted October 2017
    bluevelvet ·
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    Yep - keep standing firm. "You'll be missed" I never understood this as 1) your child is not invited adn 2) have a kid free night!!! When mine were little I was 1-800-GRAMMA!

    Good luck!

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  • Laura
    Devoted October 2017
    Laura ·
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    I have had that same situation and honey it can throw you a loop ,it was recently with FH cousin she has too young kids and she inboxed me on fb and I asked is it okay to bring them because she didn't have anyone else to watch her kids since her mother ,father ,sister was already attending the wedding and so I told her to bring them out of the kindness of my heart but the problem layed where she was so worried about what I was telling everyone else about this was a NO kids wedding period and she decided to tell us recently that she is not coming and my response was okay cool !!! when I have already bended to let your children come ,why are you worried about every one else .My advice would be to you is to hold your ground you see where it got me trying to be nice you give ppl a inch and they take a mile .Im so happy his cousin is not coming after she blew up something so small

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  • I'mthemom
    November 2018
    I'mthemom ·
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    Be firm! I loved always loved a night out without our kids when they were little. I hope our daughter doesn't run into this next year when she sends invites out.

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  • FutureFuji
    Devoted October 2017
    FutureFuji ·
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    My final numbers are already in so if they don't come we will be taking a loss but I think it's better than the alternative. Maybe I'll message them in the next day or so and follow up to see if they found a sitter so I can work details out with my caterer. Although I doubt we could do any sort of upgrade if two people don't show. Might be worth a try anyway. Might just let it go...

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  • Mrs. Sponge
    Master April 2018
    Mrs. Sponge ·
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    I know the struggle, FH's sister told us they probably won't be able to make it if they can't bring their son who will be just over 1 at the wedding. Both his sister and brother are pretty much refusing to even try to find sitters with plenty of notice. I can't ask FH to not have his siblings their though. So I am trying to come to terms with this now so I won't be angry come the wedding.

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  • Light Haired Girl
    Expert February 2018
    Light Haired Girl ·
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    WHY DO PEOPLE EVEN WANT TO BRING KIDS. This blows my mind. I have a 3 year old and I would NEVER bring him to a wedding. Like you have to chase after them all night, you can't drink or have fun. They make messes, yell, scream. Like don't people want a break?!

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  • Tamara
    Super October 2017
    Tamara ·
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    @Miranda - I am with you on this! I even told my FH the other day ( after being annoyed and I will mention this below) - why would anyone want to bring their small child to someone's wedding? I want to have a good time, not run after a child.

    Anyway - we didn't put NO CHILDREN on our invitations, because we knew (knowing our families) it would fall on deaf ears. And just as we expected - some couples are bringing kids , it is just so irritating - one woman specifically got Mr. and Mrs. -------- on her invitation and she tells me she's bringing all of her 3 children. She didn't ask, she TOLD me. I am so annoyed.

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  • Hannah
    Super August 2017
    Hannah ·
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    You handled it fine with what you already said. You wedding is next weekend though lol... call and ask for their final answer and repeat what you've already said and tell them they will be missed if they can't make it.

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