People adding plus one

View Quoted Comment THANK YOU Valerie! Finally someone on here gets it! Speaking with my family and my friends I talk with daily, they agreed with how I made my decision.

Realistically, how would any of you cut down the list from 300 to 150, stay within budget and not intentionally hurt anyone's feelings? I haven't seen a comment on a better resolution.

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I'd certainly be annoyed if somebody made the determination that the relationship I'm in wasn't deemed "serious enough" to be invited as a unit. I'm not saying you'll lose friendships over it, but it's going to be a delicate conversation to have and you'll have to think about your wording of that conversation in order to preserve friendships. I hope it all works out well for you.

Personally I don't really care how you determined your guest list and what criteria you applied to determine who gets a plus one... you know your guests and budget better than anyone on this board does so I'll assume you're doing it the best way. What I think is concerning is you are not sticking to it and making exceptions (the TWENTY FOUR people you've already added). I think it's inconsistency in applying criteria that causes problems and makes people question things. If you had a method, then why add the 24 people? Won't that look wrong to the ones who just RSVP'd for one and followed your rules?

A friend did this to me. I had been dating my husband for 2 years. We were not engaged, and I was not living with him. We were very serious. My friend met him soooooo many times. But she did this arbitrary rule crap that you are doing as well. He didn't make the cut. As a friend, I think she was the rude one. How dare she determine how serious I am with my partner. So, SHE lost a friend. Not the other way around. Why would I be a TRUE friend to someone that judges my life choices and the seriousness of them. You'll get axed from some friendships if you are doing this.

View Quoted Comment I don't think anyone will compare who had a plus one invited an who didn't, at least I hope they don't. If it comes up I will explain the situation

View Quoted Comment Sagetree - if a couple has been together 2 years, even if they don't live together they were both invite. Sorry about you ending your friendship. Did you ask why she did that? Maybe it was for financial reasons or possibly space?

She also had an extensive guest list, 300 or more. She did this to all of her friends, cousins, coworkers, ect. Out of the 300 she invited, only 75 came. She burnt a lot of bridges, as she told everyone her 'rules' on why people couldn't bring their partners. I'm assuming it was for financial reasons. This is why H and I planned for so long and saved. I wanted to ensure that I was truly giving my guests the warmest thank you I could for sharing in our day. When it comes down to it OP, the ceremony is for you and your FH, but the reception is to thank your guests. Do everything you can to ensure it's a blast and that minor things like this aren't want's remembered of your day.

View Quoted Comment I'm just doing the best I can with the finances & resources I have. We're having people back to our house afterwards & have invited everyone who we weren't able to invite to the wedding.

View Quoted Comment I would have started over completely. First I'd start with my VIPs and their SOs. I'd then plan for any singles to have a plus one in case they started a new relationship by the time invitations go out. Then I'd go to the next layer of friends and family. Again all SOs and room for any new relationships. I'd continue in that way until I reached 150 guests. I would then create a maybe list (not the same as a B list). At the time invitations go out if there are single guests I would decide if I should give them a plus one or add someone (and their SO if applicable) from the maybe list. All invitations would then go out at the same time.

For what it's worth, my sister and bil were engaged after four months together and married less than a year after meeting. You don't know whose relationship will go the distance. Don't be rude and not invite SOs.

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Yes they will. People talk at weddings. They will notice plus ones and if they didn't get one they will be wondering why they didn't get one.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this .. I Would it the same way! Great advice !!

View Quoted Comment Lisa you will find that on this site many women are extremely "passionate" about this rule. I personally am not inviting everyone's mate. If I never met them...no invite. I am inviting the SO of guests I know will not know anyone else at my wedding. I am totally okay if a person declines because of this. You have your standards, you just have to be able to stand behind them and let people know the invite is only for them and just be prepared for and okay with declines.

I only read the first half of these messages but wanted to point something out. OP don’t feel bad about some of the comments as I totally understand your decision. According to formal etiquette is it right? Probably not. However with all of the articles online and in bridal magazines you did exactly what the advice tells you to do. I remember getting my first Bridal magazine when I got engaged and I memeber the exact article outlining how to cut a guest list down. It stated exactly what you did. For everyone up in arms about her choice or others on this site please stop and remember that. The average person is not a wedding etiquette guru. Most info we learn along the planning process is from what they’ve experience or what they’ve googled online.

View Quoted Comment Thank you. Some of the comments are rather heated & their advise wouldn't have help cut my guest list down. I didn't want to not invite people but I didn't see any other options

View Quoted Comment This is everything! I honestly feel like the other partners could care less about being invited to a wedsong of a person they don't know but on this site they make up theor own rules

If my partner isn't invited, I'm not attending. Or sending a present. Or maintaining much of a friendship with the bride who told me to honor her relationship while she trashed mine.

View Quoted Comment Well that's a bit extreme. Maybe as a friend you should respect the boundaries they might be working with.

Everyone works with exactly the same boundaries: money, space, intimacy v. inclusion, fear of hurting feelings v. one's own desires. You decide how many people you're inviting; then you make the list. It's not easy, it's not fun, and it's what you do.

People in a relationship are a social unit, invited together by name. The people involved define whether or not they are in a relationship, not you. You don't dishonor someone else's relationship when you're asking that person to celebrate yours.

I disagree. The tasks maybe be the same but the boundaries differ greatly. I might have a $20k budget and 300 people while you have a $5k budget and 50 people. In no way did I define or dishonor anyone's relationship.