passive aggressive priest?

Are they busy because it's so early? Or could they be giving me the cold shoulder. Full disclosure. Growing up in PR we didn't do church envelopes, nobody did. We just put money in the basket. When I've gone to church here I see the envelopes and I've only recently put two and two together. So they've been getting envelopes with my name for the past 4 weeks. But not since I approached them. The church I went to when I moved to Philly was close to the university and nobody did church envelopes either since it was all students. The envelopes is new to me but seems to be the norm. I wonder if they're passively pushing me away. If another more conservative priest found out we're living together and shut the other priest down. I feel it's so aggressive to just show up and ask. But I need to make decisions! I need to know if I have to find another priest or if I'm not having a church wedding at all.

To clarify. I'm always sent to voicemail.

Wow that sucks that you are on the backburner of their priorities. Is it necessary to you and FH to get married in the church. After something like this I'd reconsider a church wedding.

Which church is giving you the run around, the one in Philly or in PR?

I've been debating it too. But I do enjoy other churches I've been to. I'm going back to grad school in Philly so I can be in contact with the priest from there. I just need to know if it's all over with this church. I'm so confused. I'm somewhat of an inconsistent catholic. I also don't get a good vibe when I go to mass on Sundays. I go alone because FH's Jewish. But I was told that as the catholic party that was ok. He also has a bad back so sitting for extended lengths isn't good for him. Every woman my age is either with a spouse/kids or with parents. Everyone looks at me weird. I could change churches. I paid $250 for Pre-Cana in November. Maybe a new church will accept this other church's Pre-cana? Should I show up and ask directly or are they being loud and clear? Ugh I ramble when I'm stressed.

@Nonna Sorry I'm being confusing. I'm getting married in PR. Since I don't live there, I have to prepare for marriage where I live, which is just outside Philly. I moved to Philly for grad school and went to church there and it was nice because many people were students. I moved to the suburbs of Philly and the church closest to me has been ignoring my messages.

@MrsWrs Yes limosna! When they send the basket for money. I would just put cash in. This church most people put envelopes. The priest told me I had to become a member and as a member they give you these envelopes. Since I haven't been giving envelope money, I wonder if they think I'm not doing my part or something. I just didn't put two and two together because nobody ever did that growing up.

OP - the envelopes are so the church can send a donation letter at year end for tax purposes.

We started our marriage prep at one church and switched to another during the process. In my experience, the envelopes WERE important at the church we changed from the priest was very clear about that. He told us if we missed a single week of donations, he wouldn't marry us and he didn't care if the cake was baked and the dress was purchased.

Once we switched churches, the envelopes were not a determining factor and we didn't have to redo pre-cana but we did have to take a compatibility test and do marriage counseling with them again. We didn't hear from the priest all that often and I typically only spoke with the receptionist, but she had access to our files and was able to make sure we were on track with everything.

I'm Catholic and I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like the priest is the issue. We met with our Deacon to do ppwk and our FOCCUS questionnaire. Then we were contacted via email by his wife for when our pre-cana would start (its 8/27, excited) just this morning Father Brian emailed to schedule a time to meet and talk with us regarding our mass. The envelopes are not the issue I think sometimes in older churches with older priests this can be a power trip.. it was the case in my previous church. To be clear my FH is not Catholic but is going through RCIA to convert. We have had no issues and a very warm welcome, we too live together

I appreciate the responses everyone. @SLR If the envelopes are an issue, I've totally messed up. If that's the case I wish my priest was that straightforward. But I'm glad it all ended up working out for you. It's actually reassuring.

Oh and we didn't pay for Pre-cana we were told it is the churches duty to educate the parishioner to receive the sacrament of marriage and to help us be successful. We do have a $300 fee for the ceremony which to me seems fair

We booked our church about a year in advance but didn't meet or speak with the priest until about 3 months prior. That's when we gave them the baptismal certificates and the marriage prep certificate.

@Kt90210 thanks for the recommendations. I'm on the main line. So like Villanova, Rosemont, Bryn Mawr, Haverford, Ardmore. Haha trying to keep it vague. I did go to the Villanova church. It was nice but they're pretty crowded and I think they only prepare alumni for marriage.

Ugh I'm out $250 for Pre-Cana but I can deal. As long as I can use it with another church or my current church gives me some kind of sign that I'm somewhat in good standing with them. Just a quick "it's really early. don't worry!" would make me feel better. Then I remember how quick they were responding to my initial inquiry and I feel like I'm going insane.

@HappilyEverSeason I'm excited for Pre-Cana too! We were referred to another church for Pre-Cana so I know that's happening no matter what. FH isn't Catholic but we're hoping to get a dispensation of marriage for disparity of worship. I could be writing that incorrectly. I'm glad things are going well with your church!

I'm Catholic but I don't understand the envelopes? Are they wanting you to tithe/donate money? And if so are they requiring a certain amount? I'm just curious.

Did anyone have trouble uploading the forums for 5 minutes? Just me?

@Ashley that's my question. I suspect there's an unspoken expectation that I just wasn't aware of. It is still early so I can give it another month. But the uncertainty is awful. Also I don't feel comfortable moving forward with decor when the entire church ceremony doesn't feel set in stone.

To be entirely honest, the issue is probably with the dispensation at a smaller church. We were having no luck with our neighborhood church with the paperwork for lack of canonical form. I called the large cathedral in town , we were paired up with a priest and then there were no issues.

Out of curiosity, what is the process for dispersion of marriage?

Same issue with my church. Go in person !! That's what I had to do. No one answered my calls or emails and I was freaking out