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Partner in wedding with guy who took her virginity

Collin, on February 25, 2023 at 7:13 PM

Posted in Family and Relationships 25

So my partner was asked to be in my brother in-laws wedding by his fiancé but brother in-law didn’t ask me. We have 2 children together and I’m expected to sit alone with them. No big deal. But then I come to find out that my brother in-laws friend is a groomsman and this is the guy who took her...
So my partner was asked to be in my brother in-laws wedding by his fiancé but brother in-law didn’t ask me. We have 2 children together and I’m expected to sit alone with them. No big deal. But then I come to find out that my brother in-laws friend is a groomsman and this is the guy who took her virginity. Am I wrong for preferring that my s/o sits with me and our children? When I try to explain my feelings about it it always leads to an argument and she says she feels like it’s in the past and I could care less about the past. I just want her to sit with me instead of making me sit with our kids while she is in a wedding with him and being forced to deal with the negative emotions. She says that she doesn’t understand how I expect her to tell them that she’d rather sit with us. Granted that her brother doesn’t even know that the man that is going to be his groomsman has hid the fact that he took his sister’s virginity for 10+ years. And not only that there is 12 bridesmaids and groomsman and it feels like she was added to balance the number. I’ve tried expressing my feelings about the situation to be made to feel like I’m in the wrong in the situation. Am I actually wrong if so help me understand and if not how can I go about this situation?
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25 Comments

  • Brittany
    Dedicated July 2023
    Brittany ·
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    Two things I haven't seen mentioned here yet.

    1. It doesn't seem she's even "paired" with him. Just that they're both in the bridal party. She could be literally nowhere near him all night.

    2. The bride and groom don't know their history so it's not like anyone, including your wife, has done this to spite you.

    I think this is a lot of worry over nothing.

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  • Cece
    Master October 2023
    Cece ·
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    Dude deleted his account days ago. Obviously he was looking for people to agree with his abhorrent behavior, and took off when no one did. 🙄 I feel terrible for his SO
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  • E
    Devoted May 2023
    Ebony ·
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    Hey Collin:

    Sorry that everyone is attacking you in the comments. People need to remember it's not what you say it's how you say it and everyone seem a bit harsh so sorry for that. I do feel though that just because she's in the wedding don't mean you have to be as well. Funny enough, my sister boyfriend feel that way and he's making it awkward for everyone. No one has slept with anyone but he feel because my sister is in he has to be in it because he don't want someone walking down the aisle with her. In this case it's insecurities. You're saying you're not insecure but it do seem that way since you're mostly bothered by someone she has slept with before you were even a factor in her life. I get what you're saying about being married and becoming one, but leaving your father and mother has nothing to do with her being in someone wedding. Don't gaslight her or make her feel bad about this (not saying you are) because woman nowadays look at those red flags and you wouldn't want something this small to draw a wedge in between your marriage. Since it seem you are familiar with the bible read Ephesians 5:21. In this verse you will read that spouses are in subjection with one another, so even though you are the head of the house, that doesn't mean you have control over your wife. It's good to put each others values before your own. So, if she really want to be apart of the wedding you should respect that and maybe reading that verse to her in a nonconfrontational way she may change her mind. I hope you figure things out Smiley smile

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  • Sagan
    Super July 2017
    Sagan ·
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    Virginity is a social construct. This is ridiculous.
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  • M
    Beginner December 2025
    Mel ·
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    Wow...just wow

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