Parents paying for wedding

I think it's presumptuous to think some one else should pay. My parents are able to help a little which is awesome. But it'd be fine it they couldn't/wouldn't. We're adults entering into marriage, so I feel it's our responsibility to pay (no one elses).

After a quick google search, it seems like its a pretty recent thing, especially since people are getting married later in life (compared to our parents/grandparents) and because of that, they started paying for their own weddings because they're more established.

I did. In 1987.....

No idea...my folks actually paid for most of my first wedding ten years ago, a totally unexpected gift. This time around, we're paying for everything.

I think this came from a time when people got married younger so the couple wasn't self sufficient. It used to be that the bride's parents hosted the groom's family, to show their daughter was worthy of joining a new family...I think...

But nowadays different people do different things. Many people pay for it themselves. Also, when you pay for it yourself, you don't have to be influenced by other people's opinions. No pay=no say.

People are getting married older and older these days.

Now it is mostly assumed that in order to get married you have to be able to support yourself and your partner financially, so I'm guessing that's why parents foot the bill less these days.

My parents have offered to pay for my wedding.

Honestly my FH and I had no idea. We were planning to elope to Quebec City for our wedding since we knew we could afford that but got suckered into a big party. We're so gracious but totally unexpected.

My parents are old school so we always grew up knowing our

Parents would be paying for our wedding . I see people on here saying no pay no say but it depends on the relationship you have with your parents. They're paying for it all but we have a say in everything that's going on.

I wonder that about various things. I grew up knowing my parents wouldn't pay for my wedding (even though it was never really said directly). I also grew up knowing they wouldn't be paying for college either, yet some people I talk to assume that they are paying for both. Some people even flat out tell me they SHOULD be paying because "that's how things are done." Nope. Not for everybody.

The "bride's parents pay" was a tradition in certain areas, not a rule, and not everywhere. It was repeated a lot in popular media and movies and therefore seemed like more of a norm for ALL weddings when that simply was not the case. My parents paid for their own wedding in the early 1970s. This was not unusual among their social circle. Not all parents had the means to pay.

Also, you have to consider the cost of weddings now compared to decades ago. They've become far more elaborate and expensive. It is unreasonable to expect parents who are at or approaching retirement age to foot a bill of $30k (average cost today) or more.

And, as pps have said, people are getting married later in life. They are established adults with careers and their own households. Doesn't it seem silly for the parents of independent adults to pay for essentially a frivolous party?

Lastly, most couples now want full control of their weddings. They don't want strings attached which often comes with money.

My dad is super traditional, and since I'm the only daughter, he's graciously paying for the majority of the wedding. Honestly, without our parents, we would probably have just had a small, intimate wedding instead of having a big event. Since my dad's paying for most, I try to get his input on stuff like invitations and my dress. There's about 20 people my dad wanted invited and I have no idea who these people are, but they're getting an invitation!

I think it reflects the changing demographic landscape of the US in addition to the increase in the age of marriage. We say it was always the thing that the bride's parents paid but that really only meant white middle class and up people. Their culture was the only one that was reflected in movies and TV.

The majority of people can no longer afford to pay for their children's weddings. I have friends that laugh about starting college funds for their kids because they are still paying school loans. If you can't afford to educate your child you certainly cannot spend thousands on a party. It also used to involve a lot less to put on a decent wedding.

Weddings years ago did not cost what they do today. Everything was a lot simpler.

My parents got married at ages 19 & 21 and they got married in my aunts house with like 30 people. Back in 1980.

Fast forward to now.. many things have changed.

We have help from both parents but I would never expect them to give us 20K. (Just using that amount) that would make me feel so bad. Even if they had that amount. I just couldn't do it.

I'm thankful for what they are doing. Now that I'm older. More mature. I know what that amount costs and I could never have them fork over that much.

My parents are paying for a majority of my wedding, while I foot the bill for smaller things (like my accessories, candy bar, cake topper, etc.) & I could not be more grateful. I was surprised they wanted to pay for as much as they did, if anything at all. FH and I are both fairly young, but make sufficient incomes and have been living on our own since a year into the relationship.

My father was raised in a very traditional household and he would feel insulted if he was not allowed to pay for both of his daughters weddings, but I think my family tends to follow traditional social norms in general!

I think it really depends on the age of the couple. I think it's more common for parents to contribute when the couple is younger, but the older the couple is, the less "expected" it is because the couple is established in their own career and what not.

When the average age of the first marriage went up and weddings stopped being simple afternoon ceremonies followed by a simple party.

Throwing a church wedding followed by a simple catered meal at a VFW hall for two 18 year olds is a far cry money wise from two 30 year olds wanting a three course plated sit down dinner with open bar and dancing all night long.

I think it's a more recent thing as adults are getting married later and later in life and also that college is more common and parents might be helping with that instead

Also I think the idea a brides family paying is archaic in this day of age of equality. If parents are expected to pay for a wedding why are the men's parents exempt from that? It's ridiculous and I think also in part why the tradition is fizzling out

I think there are a lot of factors.

Up until recent decades, a daughter represented a financial obligation, up until the point where she married. Outside of very specific exceptions, a woman was not expected to be self-supporting. If she didn't marry, she was her parents' financial burden for the rest of their lives. If she did marry, that burden passed to her husband. So her parents paying for the wedding was the last financial obligation that they had for her and a way of thanking the groom for taking that off their hands. Rosie the riveter, the rise of the steno pool and hormonal birth control all played a role in changing that, but people forget how recently those landmarks were and the widespread changes they caused didn't happen overnight.

Couple that with weddings generally becoming more elaborate and people choosing to marry later in life and you've probably got a pretty good explanation.

My parents paid for my first wedding in 94.... and it was pretty much the norm where I lived... my parents had 4 daughters... ug. I can't even imagine! BUT weddings did not cost close to what they are today... our wedding was at a pretty nice country club near our home.... we had a beer and wine open bar- food- dj- the traditional "Mrs. Degree" wedding (sorry old joke).... it was about 8 grand. The grooms parents hosted the rehearsal dinner. it was a fun wedding with a lot of people... most of us fresh out of college- it was a bit crazy... My parents wanted to invite friends and colleagues (also common when parents paid)---

Lets see, 20 plus years ago, did I expect this? Hmmmm... sad to say I probably did.... I don't think I felt or acted entitled to the wedding, it was just what they did.... my dad sat down with me one day to help me figure out what I wanted (I remember where we went to lunch even ... I was aware of cost and didn't go too extravagant. I didn't add upgrades to the venue, it was a pretty standard wedding.. .nice, but standard.

I don't think my parents would even offer to pay for anything at this wedding, (and they shouldn't) they know I'd be upset with them.... I never let them pay for anything anymore. I make enough money to be a good host when they come to see me... it doesn't stop my dad from trying... but I fight him for the check...shit, it's the very least I can do after all they've done for me... I love my parents they are awesome.... they are happy for me and excited we're getting married (if anyone read my post from this morning, my mom and dad are not the family I was talking about)....

I'll stop rambling... I need some sleep, been up since 1am EST.

My parents paid for my first wedding. We are paying for our own this time.