Parents inviting friends

Whoever is hosting/paying gets to dictate the guest list. That isn't fair that some of your grooms family would have to get cut in place of your moms friends who you've never met - I think family should be top priority and then if there is room then you invite friends. Its nice that you are letting them come to the wedding, but you'd rather celebrate with close family. Unfortunately your guest list is limited and they know that. Make sure all the must haves are invited and if there is room for extras then add.

In my circle, the couple is in charge of the guest list for the shower.

But, like others said, only people invited to the wedding get invited to the shower.

I can't imagine how your mother thinks you'll have fun at your shower with people you don't know. Hold the line.

All of this. I agree with everything that Michelle said.

You definitely are already compromising by inviting strangers to your wedding. A shower should (in my opinion) should be moreso focused on family (the bride's family, as well as future in-laws) and close friends of the bride. It is not fair to you or your FMIL that you have to cut out people on her side of the family, people on your Dad's side of the family, and I'd assume some of your friends, just so your mother can invite strangers to your shower.

Around where I am the couple usually create a guest list and will tell the host(s) whom they want to invite to the shower (and of course if - for example, there are too many people invited, the host(s) can discuss with the bride in order to cut down the guest list a bit). Since your FMIL is also helping to pay for the shower (hosting), she should have a say in which important family members to be invited and so should you as the guest of honor. It can't just be all of your mother's guests - even if she is co-hosting. I'm sure that your FMIL will be hurt if (for example) her sister had to be cut in favor of one of your mother's friends. If the tables were turned and your mother couldn't invite close family members of hers, I'm sure she wouldn't be happy.

I'm sorry that your mother and grandmother are stressing you out so much. This should be a joyous occasion where you can relax and enjoy yourself with loved ones. Not a meet and greet with people that you've never met.

Stephanie, would your mother be opposed to having brunch or a small get together with you and her friends - that way she feels that they are included (like what Paulina said)? If your mother won't budge on this then the only thing I could suggest is an additional compromise of some sort, which might mean either two showers or an additional gathering with you, your mother, and her friends.

Best wishes and luck to you. I hope you have a lovely time.