Over the limit guests ...?

If it does get over the limit it would be fair for or the guests to pay for it. I know it may sound "cheap" or "rude" but it is an inconvenience if you're over the limit. If it's family, or close friends though I would pay for it.

You can't give your FMIL extra guest then ask her to pay for it.

No, no, no. Do not let your guests pay to bring plus ones. That's very rude. Either allow plus ones or don't.

For your FMIL on the other hand, I think it's acceptable for her to pay for guests that she wants to be invited that go over the limit of your wedding package. ETA: I only mean it's okay to ask FMIL to pay if she goes over the number of extra guests you offered her initially, like if you offered her 5 seats but she has a 10 person list she is unwilling to cut down. If you offered her 5 seats for her earlier financial contribution and now realize you don't have 5 seats to spare, you need to pay for it.

We don't plan to charge our guests. It was a question of should we cover it or FMIL bc she's inviting extra people.

A friend asked if she could bring a plus one and I said we have a 40 guest limit and aren't inviting plus ones. She asked if her plus one could pay for himself and I said hmm why not lol

Invite the people you want and then let her invite the ones she wants. If her guest list makes you go over, then she should pay for the extras.

You could have said in the beginning, "I'm sorry, but our finances won't allow the extra guests." And if she then said she was willing to contribute more to have them there, you could have accepted. But you can't tell her she's allowed these guests based on her existing contribution, and then try to dun her for more later. And you certainly can't charge an admission fee for guests.

It's no ones responsibility to pay for your wedding besides you and your SO. It's disgusting that you actually would allow someone to invite people and afterwards expect them to pay. And you can't say you're not charging guests when you literally just said you did.

"Hmm why not" because you're the host, your wedding is not a public event with a $60 admission. Everyone there should be an honored guest, all treated equally well.

It makes it where your guests are not all being treated equally (only your friends with the $$ can bring a date).

I'm not sure what you mean by a 'TRUE plus one'? Any guest in a relationship should be given a plus one....er should be invited by name. Now if you are talking about not giving a plus one to single guests...I think that's fine as long as they will know some people at the wedding.

You already have your guest list & it sounds like your FMIL wants to add to it & is also willing to contribute...is she contributing to the entire wedding or to just cover the costs of the guests she wants to add???

I absolutely hate when people say, I'll pay for my plate! We had that happen a few times and we, of course, are like, no, that's insane. It's not just a matter of finances, it's who you want to invite.

By true plus ones, I do mean single guests. We aren't allowing people to bring extras. I just had one person very insistent. Granted, she's not even in a relationship at this point so that's why I was against it. I can't say they can't vacation together but I did say I'd prefer that hypothetical person not to take a place from anyone we actually invite.

We told fmil that we have a package that allows 40 guests. She understands that and wanted to invite some more of her family. She knows there's a fee for extra people as well, so idk if she's okay with that and would cover or if we should cover the extra guests.

I agree with Cassie O. I hated when people said they'd pay for someone they wanted to invite that we chose not to. We still have grandma and FMIL on us to invite people to our already 20 person rehearsal dinner that she'll pay for, and we adamantly said no because we want it intimate and peaceful. This isn't a huge party. It's our wedding. We want only our nearest and dearest.

I also don't know what you mean by "true plus one." When FSIL got married, she invited me and FH together. We weren't engaged yet, but we had been together for 5 years. FBIL had a girlfriend at the time of the RSVP and they broke up before the wedding. He tried to get a friend to go because it was already paid for by the newlyweds, but he ended up going single. I also have relatives who are older who will likely never get engaged or married but are daring exclusively. I invited them all by name and gave every single person a plus one so they're comfortable and have a friend to talk to at our wedding. I can't imagine going to a destination wedding without my then-boyfriend and now fiance because the couple said we weren't a "true" couple because we weren't married.

I'm really not sure how you go about this, and I'm a little confused to be honest. Please don't make or ask people pay to go to your wedding. You probably should have offered plus ones to people who needed them. I think you gave FMIL extras because she's paying for part of the wedding on the condition that she pay MORE for your wedding. It sounds like you didn't give her extras then. I'm not sure how you should go about this politely.

After reading your comments: If FMIL is aware that inviting over your guest limit is an extra cost and still chooses to invite them, I would say she should foot the bill, not you.

As far as plus ones, if someone is going and won't know anyone there except the couple or just a few relatives, you should offer them a plus one that you cover. You aren't the one who needs to decide if a relationship is serious or not. Your friend could very well be in a relationship next week and engaged by next October; I've seen it happen to some of my friends. You just never know!

A percentage of people won't be able to make it so you may be okay. That being said, I think we can't answer this question for you. It depends on your finances and your in laws finances.

My sister had a DW and had the mindset that anyone who was willing to travel internationally to attend her wedding is more than welcome to join the festivities (and she was paying for almost everything).

From my understanding the "40" guest limit number is an arbitrary number of people given to you by the venue for a certain price. But, the venue can actually accomodate the additional guests, just at an additional pp cost. Correct? Is so, have you checked in with the venue if they have a different package? If not, I think you should discuss the situation with your FMIL to see how much they plan to contribute.

You can't ask your guests to pay for people. They didn't know you were going over the limit, that you chose this package, etc. You need to treat your 41st person on the list with the same consideration as the 1st.

If you cannot afford plus ones for single guests, don't have them. It's that simple. Otherwise, you need to sit down with your FMIL and work out exactly what her contribution entails. It would have been better to do that before inviting the extra people.

My mom wanted to add more people to the list and I told her the cost of extra people and asked her how she felt about paying the difference. She said if we go over our budget, she will pay the difference. However, we were upfront and honest with her about that from the gecko. She is also contributing significantly to the overall financing of the wedding so she has been part of every financial decision.

"From the gecko". I need to use that.

If you made up a small guest list and told her how many people she could invite, stick with it. Collecting money for extra guests will be, at the very least, awkward if not futile. And having guests you didn't plan on is far more noticeable at a small wedding than a big one, where they can basically get lost in the crowd.

As for plus ones? No, random single people don't need to get them; sorry if that's unpopular. And no, no guest gets to pay for a guest. Seriously.

Yes, it IS about the money, but it's also about controlling the guest list to end up with the celebration you planned.

" A friend asked if she could bring a plus one and I said we have a 40 guest limit and aren't inviting plus ones. She asked if her plus one could pay for himself and I said hmm why not lol"

Sounds like your friend is dating someone. You need to invite him and pay for him. Anyone in any kind of romantic relationship needs to be invited by name and paid for. It's rude and gross that you said "why not" when she offered to let her date pay for himself.

Also, while a random plus one isn't necessary for those people who are not in a romantic relationship in a local wedding, I think it's rude to exclude any type of plus one for a destination wedding when people are traveling.

I agree with @A.Magill.in.May