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Bo Miller
Expert December 2020

Over it

Bo Miller, on September 9, 2020 at 3:37 PM

Posted in Planning 41

Can I just say that I am over wedding planning already? Our wedding is still over a year away and I am over it. I was talking with my FW and was sharing with her something I had read that I didn't know about etiquette things and she just looks at me and goes "Well don't expect anyone to throw you a...

Can I just say that I am over wedding planning already? Our wedding is still over a year away and I am over it. I was talking with my FW and was sharing with her something I had read that I didn't know about etiquette things and she just looks at me and goes "Well don't expect anyone to throw you a bridal shower" like first of all I would never expect that and second that was kind of hurtful as she knows I do not have any family or close friends near by for that kind of thing, so I just shrugged it off. Well then today I got told that our venue is dropping us for some dumb reason (boils down to they didn't realize we are same sex because my name is Bo and they assumes I was a man), so now our only venue options are about an hour away from where we live. Both my FW and my FMIL said "Oh well no one is going to come to a wedding then if it is that far away" and then they both proceeded to suggest out of state venues that were literally the same distance.

At this point I am just sick of planning this wedding. Her whole family just wants us to do it in her grandmas yard and order pizza hut and find a dress at Walmart and that isn't what I want at all. It is just really discouraging. Sorry for ranting I just needed to vent because no one else seems to understand.

41 Comments

  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    Okay well we all look forward to seeing what tou end up doing. My FH and I are leaning towards eloping as well.
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  • CountryBride
    VIP April 2022
    CountryBride ·
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    I think you should sit down with your fw family and have a heart to heart ask them why they want your wedding a certain way and explain to them that you want it this way. be open minded but firm on what you want, best of luck

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  • Bo Miller
    Expert December 2020
    Bo Miller ·
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    Just talked with FW and explained my feelings and I think that’s what we are going to end up doing is now eloping and going on a long nicer honeymoon
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  • Sharonda
    Super January 2021
    Sharonda ·
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    I'm so sorry to hear this. I was born and raised in Tallahassee (although I no longer live there, I visit often because most of my family is still there), and there are plenty of venues in the city that would welcome you both with open arms. If you decide to proceed with another venue, it doesn't matter how far away it is. I've learned that people do exactly what they want to do -- and whether your wedding is an hour away or 24 hours away -- those people who want to share in your special day will do so. I hope you won't let the mean comments get in the way of you and your future bride having the day you want and deserve. Many blessings to you!

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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    Oh wow, I hate that some people still can’t accept same sex marriages. I hope that you guys figure everything out
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  • V
    Savvy April 2021
    Victoria ·
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    Hey fellow queer bride, just your other fellow queer bride neighbor dropping by to say don’t give up.


    On a serious note, don’t give up just yet. Yes this hard, yes society can be a small male appendage and yes being gay in a small town blows but none of that compares to what our community has been through. You and your future wife to be deserve the wedding of your dreams regardless of the venue, photographer or food. If sadly you gotta go to another town, so be it. Trust me those who love and care will be there. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve drove over an hour for food or shoes. Your friends and family will do the same for you and your wedding day
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  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    I'm so sorry!

    On a serious note, if that venue was listed on WW/Knot/other major wedding websites, please report them to the admins. They will not list any vendors who refuse LGBTQ+ couples, and will take down their information.

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  • Bo Miller
    Expert December 2020
    Bo Miller ·
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    I know why they want it a certain way they have told us they just don't want to deal with the fuss of a wedding and think we are stupid for spending money on a wedding.

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  • Bo Miller
    Expert December 2020
    Bo Miller ·
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    That is what I am wanting is to have the wedding in Tallahassee because I have found so many amazing vendors already who have it displayed all over their sites that they accept all couples and after all of the discouragement I have gotten from local vendors that has just been amazing to see. I am just not sure what we are going to do just yet, but if we do have a wedding it will be in Tallahassee!

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  • Bo Miller
    Expert December 2020
    Bo Miller ·
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    Thank you! Like so much! I needed to hear this more than you know! Smiley heart

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  • Bo Miller
    Expert December 2020
    Bo Miller ·
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    I am on it! Thank you! Smiley heart

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  • Bo Miller
    Expert December 2020
    Bo Miller ·
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    Thank you! Right now we are leaning towards eloping and just going on a really nice and long honeymoon lol, but we are going to take a break from it all for the next few months (at least from talking about it) and see how we feel come November.

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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    That sounds like a plan!

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  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    I am so sorry this is happening to you! First of all, I would leave a very honest review about that POS venue that is refusing to hold your wedding because you are a same sex couple. That is unacceptable and really fires me up!!!!! Is this venue on WW? If so, please let WW know so they can be removed!

    When my wife and I were searching for venues, we tried to look for LGBTQ friendly venues. We also made it known right away that we were a same sex couple, just to eliminate any issues up front. Luckily, everyone was very accepting towards us.

    If you have to book a venue an hour away, so be it. The people who are truly your friends will make the trip without question. Also, try not to let your FW and FMIL get you down. Plan your dream wedding and ignore their negativity! I would however talk to your FW and let her know comments like that hurt your feelings.

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  • Bo Miller
    Expert December 2020
    Bo Miller ·
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    I am so over it in the small town that we are in all of the venues we were interested in were booked or wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy out of budget except this one so this was this kinda the only option. I reported them and did that jazz. I have found some that are LGBTQ friendly it is just the drive and the inlaws are not thrilled about that idea. None of them are thrilled about the idea of her being gay to being with and I think a wedding is forcing them to acknowledge it. And then they all see her as a kid (she is the first grand kid in the family) so they don't accept her spending money on things so the fact we have a 20K wedding budget (that we are paying for and aren't asking for help with) blows their mind and they talk so much crap on us it is ridiculous. Unfortunately I do not have any family and very few friends so the majority of our support comes from her family so if we have a wedding she wants to make it a event catered to them almost. I sat and talked with her last night and I think that we are just going to elope and go on a really nice honeymoon.

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  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    I'm sorry her family acts this way. However, it sounds like you are handling this with grace. With the lack of support from family, I think an elopement with an amazing honeymoon sounds perfect! At the end of the day it's only you 2 that matter anyway! Good luck with your future planning!

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  • Bo Miller
    Expert December 2020
    Bo Miller ·
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    Thank you!! Smiley heart

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  • Sharonda
    Super January 2021
    Sharonda ·
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    I’m glad you’ve identified some vendors in my hometown who are open and accepting. Should you and your fiancée decide to go through with a wedding in Tally, I know it will be gorgeous! Best wishes!
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  • Bo Miller
    Expert December 2020
    Bo Miller ·
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    Thank you!

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  • Breann
    Devoted June 2020
    Breann ·
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    If you opt for elopement, it does take a LOT of stress out of the picture, as well as the potential for hurt feelings on your end. We eloped and it was great - exactly what we wanted on our day! We chose to go that route partly because I'm not a people pleaser and I didn't want to compromise the things that mattered to me to make distant relatives happy.

    Just be sure to prioritize your relationship, happiness, and mental health. Everything else is just miscellaneous details.

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