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Bo Miller
Expert December 2020

Over it

Bo Miller, on September 9, 2020 at 3:37 PM Posted in Planning 0 41
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Can I just say that I am over wedding planning already? Our wedding is still over a year away and I am over it. I was talking with my FW and was sharing with her something I had read that I didn't know about etiquette things and she just looks at me and goes "Well don't expect anyone to throw you a bridal shower" like first of all I would never expect that and second that was kind of hurtful as she knows I do not have any family or close friends near by for that kind of thing, so I just shrugged it off. Well then today I got told that our venue is dropping us for some dumb reason (boils down to they didn't realize we are same sex because my name is Bo and they assumes I was a man), so now our only venue options are about an hour away from where we live. Both my FW and my FMIL said "Oh well no one is going to come to a wedding then if it is that far away" and then they both proceeded to suggest out of state venues that were literally the same distance.

At this point I am just sick of planning this wedding. Her whole family just wants us to do it in her grandmas yard and order pizza hut and find a dress at Walmart and that isn't what I want at all. It is just really discouraging. Sorry for ranting I just needed to vent because no one else seems to understand.

41 Comments

Latest activity by Bo Miller, on September 14, 2020 at 7:47 AM
  • Shirley
    Expert November 2020
    Shirley ·
    • Flag

    Lol I just posted a rant so I definitely understand. Girl, I'm so sorry this is happening. Both of those scenarios are really hurtful on multiple levels!

    I think it's okay if you let her know that her comment about the shower hurt you. That would sting me too. I know it stings for me that I won't be having a bachelorette. My FH made an off-hand comment about it, and I cried--he was shocked! He had no idea what he said had hurt me. In the end, he didn't mean it to be flippant and apologized and all was well.

    On the far-away venues, do you know why they are picking different ones that are just as far away? Do they have a preference for a specific place (near family, etc)? Also, people will come, don't listen to that nonsense.

    I am not a great giver of advice because I am currently collapsing under the stress of all of my family's and FH's family's hot takes about our wedding, but I hope that you can be stronger than me and just ignore it. It matters what you want for your day. You and your FS are a Team of Two. Sorry that her family won't be getting their backyard wedding, but in the end, it isn't their wedding. Be braver than I am and don't let them live rent-free in your head!

    Also, I think we gals need to give ourselves a break from the pressures of planning. It is really hard. Don't forget self care!

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  • Lorraine
    Dedicated January 2021
    Lorraine ·
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    I’m so sorry, that sounds really stressful and disheartening. For us, it was helpful to sit down and really talk about what we wanted, not what our families wanted. We were so incredibly close to eloping otherwise. We decided on under 20 people but still having flowers, cake, reception, etc... I think before you had said you were from Florida. What part? We’re also in Florida.
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  • Bo Miller
    Expert December 2020
    Bo Miller ·
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    Something about it in their head makes it seems like the drive to town A is so much worse than the drive to B. When the drive is the same for both places so I’m not sure. It is just sure frustrating. I am to the point of just giving up and eloping.
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  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag

    So sorry for all those frustrations ! your venue is so ignorant and you know what, you'd rather be somewhere that is welcoming and accepting anyway! and also don't listen to FMIL because people WILL drive one hour to get to a wedding venue.

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  • Bo Miller
    Expert December 2020
    Bo Miller ·
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    When it is just me and her I thought we were on the same page but when she get around her family she is so eager to please them that she flops and plays it like I’m a bridezilla type just because I don’t want a back yard wedding. We are in the panhandle about an hour from Tallahassee
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  • H
    Dedicated August 2023
    Heather ·
    • Flag
    I'm so sorry you're experiencing all this. 😞 Did your contract with your venue say anything about not serving same sex couples? Not that you would want to give them your business anymore but it seems like you would have some legal rights if they broke the contract?
    • Reply
  • Bo Miller
    Expert December 2020
    Bo Miller ·
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    I am hoping so because that is our only option
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  • Bo Miller
    Expert December 2020
    Bo Miller ·
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    We hadn’t signed a contract yet we were about to. We were doing it blindly without seeing the venue as my FW is a truck driver and isn’t home often, but I guess they seen the review I left for a local photographer and seen we were same sex and told us they were no longer available.
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  • H
    Dedicated August 2023
    Heather ·
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    That's horrible, I'm so sorry. At least you found out who they really are and didn't give them your money. I'm wishing you luck in finding a new and better venue. ❤️
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  • Bo Miller
    Expert December 2020
    Bo Miller ·
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    Thank you!
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  • Samantha
    Expert October 2021
    Samantha ·
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    Dear Bo, it is truly awful that you must face these ignorant and insipid people. If there is a LGBTQ+ community in your town or one nearby, I suggest that you contact them and ask for support. I feel that perhaps your FW is 'accepting her fate' so to speak. Please don't let either of you feel that you deserve anything less than the best. Marriage is purely about love and no one has the right to take that away.
    • Reply
  • Savannah
    Dedicated November 2021
    Savannah ·
    • Flag

    Honestly, I am so sorry that venues and other venders are giving you a hard time. Despite everything going on there are still so many people who support you regardless, (including strangers like me!) and I hope that your wedding turns out a million times better than even your best expectations Smiley heart

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  • CountryBride
    Super April 2022
    CountryBride ·
    • Flag

    What is this venue? I am sorry that your having a hard time with planning a wedding take a step back maybe take a break you have a lot of time. have you thought of having it at a park bring your own vendors a park wedding can be really pretty and affordable.

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  • Bo Miller
    Expert December 2020
    Bo Miller ·
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    I am wanting an indoor reception so a park won’t really work for what I want unfortunately. Thanks for the suggestion though.
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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
    • Flag
    Hi Bo,
    I definitely understand your frustration. I do, however, understand the family's perspective for something easy, frugal and simple. If it's not what you want, then do you, but I strongly recommend to not go above your means. Which of course one can have a beautiful wedding that looks expensive without breaking the bank.
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  • Bo Miller
    Expert December 2020
    Bo Miller ·
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    It has nothing to do with finances those are not an issue with this. They just don’t want to deal with the “fuss” of a wedding. We are staying well within what we can afford.
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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    Oh okay. Thanks for the clarification. Are you okay with me giving advice or no? I wanted to ask you first bc I didn't want to annoy/offend you.
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  • Bo Miller
    Expert December 2020
    Bo Miller ·
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    Yes you can
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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    I recommend you not discuss the wedding with loved ones who continue to make negative comments or suggestions that you don't like. If they ask, simply smile and say "thanks for your care but we have the planning under control and look forward to celebrating with you."
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  • Bo Miller
    Expert December 2020
    Bo Miller ·
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    I think that is what I am going to have to do because her family is seems against the idea of the type of wedding that we want. Her family doesn’t fully support her being gay so I think that is a big part of it. If nothing else we will just give it up and elope just the two of us!
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