Over budget, is it rude to give a card?

Yeah, honestly, this couple sounds very selfish and like they are not taking their guests experience into account at all. A card is fine. If they have a problem with it, they should have thought of that before they required people to spend over a grand to attend their wedding. Also, the bride does not get to dictate dress attire, especially in the way you described. She needs a reality check. Wear a gown you have in your closet. You are not a bridesmaid. She doesn't get to tell you how to dress.

View Quoted Comment I fully agree!!

That's a lot of requirements for a gown when you are not even a bridesmaid. Did they go to your wedding? I feel like they should realize the amount of money they've spent on their own wedding and come to the realization that you just had to do the same thing. Do the card.

Wow, that bride has a lot of nerve!! Unless those restrictions are due to modesty at their church, she is way out of line. All of that aside, you are doing right by sucking it up to support your FH if he wants to stand by his friend. A card with a sincere note of congratulations sounds great (and tell them you made a donation in their name to The Human Fund ).

No black or navy?? The bride will be lucky to get any guests at her wedding. A card is more than enough.

Honestly I would not attend at all. Your fiancé doesn’t need to participate either because he is being disrespected as well. Cancel plans. No gift, no card, send your regrets to the couple and move on.

View Quoted Comment Honestly where I'm from she would be getting a 90% decline rate. My post is truly just scratching the surface. I'm curious to see how many actually show.

In my view, while I wholeheartedly agree that this couple have gone a little bit far with their requests (i.e. the strict dress code), they aren’t forcing you to stay in the hotel block they have reserved, but obviously you would prefer this for convenience and that is fully understandable. If it were me, I would save my money on a new gown and would probably go ahead and wear a black strapless gown with a low back just to spite the bride because the amount of dress code requirements is frankly ridiculous!

With this in mind, as a guest, you should only ever gift what you feel comfortable gifting, just be mindful, if your wedding is after theirs, they will probably give you nothing just the same.

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I love this idea!!! Wear that black strapless gown, girl!!

I wouldn’t go at all. And if I did, I wouldn’t be giving a gift.

View Quoted Comment They actually aren't invited to ours, ours is family only because of restrictions at our venue. Odd times.


To clarify about their block, the issue only that it's really expensive, but that they neglected to give guests enough advance notice about *why* every hotel in the entire town is extremely expensive. I would have gladly booked my hotel 8 months ago when the festival-goers were. This is an annual occurrence that they definitely knew about when planning

I would not spend so much so we could have a grand day. Stay home, send a $200-300 gift.

Unlit hubby made it a priority, he is allowed.
Then I would wear one of the 3 strapless navy highly formal and bich loudly if the service was not up to ot. And still give at least $200 gift.

To be honest, if it were me, I wouldn't go to prove a point. My husband could still go as a groomsman, but I would not attend and would send a gift in my stead. People would realize why my husband was there alone, and that would be spite enough for me.

That said, since your real question was not whether or not you should go but about gifting a card - yes, this is more than sufficient.

I have actually never agreed with the idea that the wedding party should be obligated to give a gift in the first place, unless the couple is paying for them to be in the wedding. If the bride and groom are paying for your attire and accessories, then yes, you get them a gift. If they are not, then your willingness to drop hundreds of dollars to attend should be viewed as "in lieu of a gift." I didn't expect - and we didn't receive - any gifts from our bridal party when we got married.

At the end of the day, gifts are always optional. "Etiquette" is about politeness. And expecting a gift is not polite at all (this is where modern couples and bridal media get it wrong - I am legitimately appalled by how many bridal websites I just found that mentioned "having" to give a gift!) You also aren't being "polite" giving a gift - gifts have nothing to do with politeness. Gifts should be given out of love. Gifting out of obligation cheapens the gesture.

You are never obligated to get someone a gift. It is a nice gesture. But so is paying $300 for a tux and abiding by an absolutely rude and obnoxious dress code to fit the couple's desires. Give them a card and wash your hands of it.

View Quoted Comment I've thought several times about not going and my fiance said maybe I shouldn't, but he is under a huge amount of work/life stress so I want to go with him to make it a nicer time hopefully.


You're really making a lot of sense about gifting though. We let our wedding party know that we didn't expect a gift. The gift is them putting in the time and resources to ve in our wedding!

If I received a dress requirement like that, I would not attend that wedding. That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! I like Judith's idea of not going and sending a larger monetary gift.

In regards to buying a gown, have you looked into Rent The Runway. They have several formal options that are also affordable!

Definitely do not send a gift. A card is perfectly fine.

Is there a dress you could borrow from a friend? A bridesmaid dress that's not navy or black sounds like it would be perfect for something like this!

Wow, that's super inconsiderate of the couple!! You are definitely being the bigger person by attending the wedding at all - and kudos to you for prioritizing your FS and supporting him above all the nonsense!. Regarding the gift, a card is more than ok and more than enough!!!! If you really wanted to do something on top of a card (which is super not necessary in this case), and if you're crafty, you could always make one of those DIY ornaments with their wedding invitation on the inside. It looks like this....it might be kinda therapeutic to "shred" their wedding invite and also be the bigger person....double points! haha

View Quoted Comment I love Rent the Runway! Im a bit worried about renting because the event is outdoors in grass and with port-a-potties so I'm afraid to accidentally stain a very nice dress

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Wait... what?!?!?! Port-a-potties at an event where women are required to wear gowns?! This bride has lost her mind.