OK ladies,
If any of you are planning the wedding almost ALL by yourself, I need your words of wisdom to calm down. I have gotten our venue, DJ, photographer, food and bev taken care of. I've posted before that I am moving in October which put a huge weight on my back and I know I can focus on that verses the wedding. Now I am a Manager at a dealership and when we are not busy, most of my time is spent getting ideas for our big day! I've sent out STD's, ordered my favors, ordered to bridal party gifts...like I have a lot completed. The cake is a work in progress, as far as the tasting (was Sunday) and was fabulous!!! So that's progressing once I get the quote in my email. My mother has offered to get our flowers, doing silk flowers because if I am going to spend that much money, I want to keep them.
Here is where I am breaking. Our DJ is fabulous. Has an amazing personality and just over all a genuine guy! He has this app similar to the WeddingWire APP, where you can pick your songs, do's and don'ts, etc etc. One of the areas highlighted (mind you) is the father daughter dance. Now as a little girl all of us dream of the day we get to be the princess, and the 'king' walks us down and hands us over to our prince. classic fairytale right? Well, just a quick little back history, my father has had 3 strokes, has nephropathy in his feet, a heart concern and a thyroid problem. Last October we spent 2 weeks in the ER because he collapsed in the parking lot at my apartment and he told me he was ready. TOTAL HEART DROP! So we put the wedding off, until he was on the right track to proceed with surgery. Which is why all this planning has gotten started. Three weeks ago, I asked him what his thought on our wedding were. He told me he wasn't going to walk me down the asile, he isn't going to make a toast, that standing up is to painful. Like this is all a road block for him to even attend. Now I understand I need to be slightly giving to his reasons, but he does nothing to try. I've always been the one doing it. Pushing him to doctors appointments, with his wheelchair or his walker. I honestly feel like I've been taken for granted for the last 6 years... We were on the right track but now he has given up going to the doctor, so it's kinda like he is on borrowed time if you will. With out the surgery to get his aorta valve fixed, he will have a heart attack and chances are he won't recover. (what the doctors said). This is dwindling in the back of my brain, and it's putting so much restraint on other pieces of the plan.
Am I being selfish? Am I being to hard on him or myself? I know I cannot fix or rescue anyone but it hurts worse when I know something upsetting is coming. Sorry to be a debbie downer, but holding it together becomes difficult when it's suffocating you for so long. I know this is also probably not the place to rant or ask, but all the women in my life kind of nevermind him and I don't want to be that way. Even though he has burned so many bridges, he is still my father...
Oh and have any of you done flowerless centerpieces? I am racking my mind on how I want to approach those...
