Out-of-Town Guests No-Showing?

We had one. It was weird, a good friend of DH, grew up in the area, said she wouldn't miss it for the world, and then visited like two weeks after our wedding, never called, never texted, never even bothered to send a FB message. He's kind of written her off since then.

Hmm I had a friend whose flight got cancelled so she called the bride the morning of and let her know. So technically not a "no-show" because she said something, but definitely a last minute cancel.

This is going to be a very unpopular opinion, but I'll throw it out there and you all can take it or leave it. No shows (oot or local; face it, almost all weddings have oot guests....) can be minimized by carefully curating your guest list. The facts are this; people who are closest to you GENERALLY will move mountains to get to your wedding. Your second cousin, random people from work/school/clubs and the people your parents play golf with? Not so much. It's just another party. They'll say yes, then if they can make it great. If it becomes too inconvenient or expensive, they won't.

I see this every weekend; at my bigger parties, there is usually a significant chunk of guests who are on their cell phone two minutes after the ceremony (which they are usually late to), and who really could be anywhere. They're in their own little world; one with pre paid drinks and food.

I know that these are all generalizations, (and I'm entering the cynical season, lol.....) but in every stereotypical conversation, there is a grain of truth.

We were at a destination wedding in Maui in September and a person at our table was a no show. I couldn't believe it!

That is exactly how I feel Celia. I don't get the brides who invite everyone and their grandma plus the grandma's neighbor and then complain about declines or no-shows. Invite the ones who truly matter and love you, they will be there.

We had 39 no shows, most were actually from out of town. Our hotel allowed for free cancellations as long as they cancelled at least 24 hours ahead of time. Some sent me a text morning of saying since my mom wasn't invited they weren't coming, or one aunt told me she just didn't feel like driving anymore. Only one couple that no showed was flying (we didn't even invite them, MIL did, but we felt shitty uninviting her after she got flights), but she said that she purposely bought refundable flights in case she decided she didn't want to go. We haven't talked to most of them since. We did have a few who had really valid and terrible reasons for not coming. One of FIL's friends was in a work accident and lost part of his finger. Clearly stuff like that is more important than making it to the wedding.

Our situation was a bit different though. Some in my family feel that family can never be cut out and no matter what terrible thing a person does to you. I don't agree with that so we were told that there would be a boycott on our wedding, and sadly a lot of people went along with it.

ETA: About 90% of our guest list was from out of town, so if any were to miss it'd most likely be the out of town guests. All in town guests were pretty much DH's family, and some of our friends or family friends.

We had 2 no shows. Was very strange, as they are a couple and both friends of ours. The guy actually introduced DH and I (not as a set up just as friends). They live an hour from our venue, same city as us. They RSVP'd "definitely yes". and then no show day of. No call, no text, nothing since. I texted them the day after to say "Hope everything is ok, we missed you!". But nothing. We haven't tried to contact them, cause it's just rude to no show and no call... especially on a day like a friends wedding.

I wouldn't miss a wedding I RSVP'd for unless an extreme event, like a death in the family or hospitalization or inability to travel. I'd still let bride, groom, or someone there know so they weren't wondering.

Most of our no-shows were out of towners. One of DH's buddies overslept and missed his flight that morning. Another one was flying from Florida and his flight was cancelled. Not technically no shows, but two of the couples my parents wanted invited (out of three total) cancelled the week of, with valid reasons but still crappy. DH's deceased sister's ex husband and his second wife were supposed to bring DH's niece and nephew but they cancelled two days before and we still have no idea why. That one stings. I only had one friend from in town not show up and I see her somewhat frequently, so I'm trying to decide how to address that.

We didn't have any no-shows and I'd say at least half of our guests were OOT. I know I'm in the minority with having 0 no shows, but I'd still say you shouldn't worry too much about it.

ETA: We had 105 guests.

I went to a destination wedding last summer where the BEST MAN was a no show, texted the groom I think the morning before (everyone got there at least 2 days before) and said he and his girlfriend were fighting and he couldn't come. CRAZY!!! Not really answering your question, but I had to share!! haha

Out of 200 we had 2 (tech 3 people) no show. Both my cousins, one married one single. The married one I wasn't shocked at because we only see them twice a year so whatever. The other one I was pretty pissed off about because our family's are really close but what am I going to do? Both had to drive a little over an hour to get to the wedding. The married one sent a card and apologized with no reason why they didn't come and the other pretty much swept it under the rug. His parents told us it was because he was working (hes a mechanic and someone had an emergency, don't really believe it) and they brought his card. Oh well I guess.

I'm rather surprised at how many out-of-town guests no-show, but I guess that's a difference in how I look at RSVPing. I'm like @NowASeptMrs, if I say I'm coming, I will be there period. Doesn't matter if it's a wedding, a house warming party, a happy hour, or anything.

@Reese, 97% of our guests are out-of-town (I made a graph and everything), and was just wondering. Not actually worried. Thanks for comment though, gives me hope that some people follow through on an RSVP

I didn't have any unexpected no shows. I had 3 OOT people call and apologize for not being able to come because of the blizzard, but I don't really count that because snow. I understood that people didn't want to drive 3+ hours in those conditions. It was a risk we took having a winter wedding.

I agree with Celia in the guest list being the key factor in no shows.

We invited 201. We had 132 RSVP. 3 No shows, all local. 1 was a date of an invited guest and the other 2 were a couple who decided not to come, and apologized for "missing it" in a comment on someones photo of the wedding on fb. I stand by my observation that people are monkeys and you can't predict human behavior. If you think someone from OOT won't come, give them a call. Our catering number was only due a few days before the event, so if people called or texted the weekend before, we were able to easily change the number. The venue boxed up the uneaten meals and left them in the fridge in our room. We actually had a couple who were on their honeymoon crash our wedding to dance. I said if they'd crashed 2 hours earlier, I'd have fed them!

We had two local no shows, but they don't really count because they told me ahead of time. The one girl's grandfather got very ill, so she went to see him because their family thought it was the end (he's doing much better now). Since she was more the connection to me, her boyfriend stayed home. They actually doggie sat for us, though, and the boyfriend dropped Archie off and picked him after the ceremony so he could do the ring bearer gig (they live about 10 min from my venue). They offered to pay plates as well, but it was a total non-issue because these things happen, and they were still helping me out with Archie.

0 no shows. Agree with Celia that this has a lot to do with the guest list. We had 95 people, so pretty small. We did have two declines the week of (one was in the hospital with pneumonia and the other's mother died a couple of days before the wedding--I'd say those are legit excuses), but no actual no shows.

I had 1 no show.. The couple broke up the night before the wedding and she let us know via group chat that he won't be attending (They got back together 3 weeks later).

I had 1 crasher - Young cousin brought a girl and didn't even bother to ask or tell me beforehand, but it worked out in the end.

@jaklyn this sounds horrible. I'm so sorry.

We had ZERO "OOT" no-shows. There was only a few In town no-shows, and it was mostly Invited guests' plus ones that didn't come. Which still irritates me!! Ugh! Don't tell me you're bringing someone and then don't bring them! haha!

We also had some "un-invited" guests come...someone brought their kids, which turned out to be the most obnoxious ones! (The invited kids..were so well behaved!!)

Think we covered all the "fun" bases! haha.

I agree/disagree with Celia.. I think its okay to invite distant cousins, as long as you know their name/face at least. But the neighbors' friend of a friend? uhh..leave them out.

Some Random Coworker of DH's no-showed, but I don't even remember his name, we were under our 'minimum plates', so we didn't bump anyone we really wanted for him-- just really couldn't care less. There may have been others, but I didn't notice, so clearly didn't care.