Our struggles and frustration throughout the wedding planning process

It's good to be able to vent on here. Why are you embarrassed by your bridal party?

I am NOT alone after reading this....I have a list of struggles and one of them is getting things done without the help of my MH! Bridesmaids dresses are not picked out yet and some decorations aren't either.....My ideas clash with others (although I can care less...a little) and some major things are missing....I too feel like eloping but a non refundable reception place is already paid....mind you I live in FL and the wedding is in 6 months in PR!....Help!!!!!

There are so many times I wish I had eloped. In fact I actually tried to but Matt (husband) refused to. Our not eloping and other bad decisions led to maids without dresses the day of (their custom dresses were so poorly made they couldn't wear them), a self absorbed, vile and any other horrible word you can use to describe a person of a groomsman and his completely hellish children did a number on our dessert table and overall experience of the reception and a planner that made our wedding party do most of the work and didn't do a lot of what she was paid to during reception hours. Most women hate it when their wedding day is over whereas I'm celebrating that mine is. I can now breathe and focus on my now husband and our family.

I got so frustrated over the guest list. It blew up our budget full of people we didn't know and I was resentful of having to spend money on them.

Oh my goodness Veronica we can relate.. I live in FL and my wedding is in NJ. Because all of our family are from NJ/NY. We only moved down not even two years ago!

Natalie - to answer your question.. okay here's a long story short. Two people of the bridal party have backed out over the past 6 months. So we were able to replace them. That's #1. #2 is that my MOH (who I expected to exceed my expectations.. is not.) hasn't gotten her dress and it's driving me insane. Everyone else has their dress, all is needed is alterations. When I asked her to get the dress back at the end of April, she practically was disrespectful to me and told me the dress was not a priority. So now, my entire family knows of this situation and is basically losing respect for the MOH. She mentioned the first week of June so I'm going to do a follow up this weekend and see if she even got to it. #3. The bridal shower is in 3 weeks. The MOH's only job was to order invites and send them out. It ended up being done by a BM rather than the MOH. It's just a fucking mess and the wedding isn't even here yet. Lol. Just makes me want to scream. But I've been leveled.

Future Mrs. koa - omg I read your post the other day. My expression was just .. expressionless. I couldn't fathom what the fuck happened at your wedding. But I think I'm about to get to that point.. where I can't wait for it to be over and finally focus on my FH.

Jenny - I can kind of relate. My MOH requested for her family to be invited. Now I wish I could've just put my foot down and said no. But it's too late to do that.

I feel the same way sometimes.....I let my FMIL talk me into getting married at their Catholic church which I never should have and I regret it constantly. So when going through the ceremony book and I realized how strict it is and how it won't be what I wanted I cried to FH. I'm also have bridal party issues (shockingly only my sisters are giving me trouble) My best friend who had premature twins last year and my aunt who lives in GA have been more involved than my sisters. My sister threw a huge fit about the dresses we picked and she has thrown fit after fit about pretty much everything even though I have only asked her to come to the fitting to order the dress and that's it. So frustrating sometimes

Weddings are the only occasion I can think of where it is proper etiquette to spend thousands of dollars on people you don't really talk to or never have met before.

It starts in small increments. Want to invite one close cousin? Gotta invite all the cousins, and if you're inviting the cousins, you should invite the uncles and aunts., Want to invite a friend? Now your aunt is mad because you didn't make room for her children from her previous marriage before she married your uncle, etc. etc. Then add in everyone's significant others, and by that time, if you're inviting all those people, better include a plus one for the single people so that they don't get bored because they don't know anyone with the huge crowd. Between etiquette and family drama, we ultimately couldn't take it anymore and decided to just go with our immediate family.

Surprisingly it has cut down the drama dramatically. We thought people would be up in arms (after all, they were about certain invites to relatives), but apparently what matters more is that all extended family was treated equally.

Melaina - I'm just so surprised about the outcome of the bridal party. The ones that you've been with your whole life turns out to be the opposite of what you expect and the ones that you've become great friends with in such short time shock you in a good way.. my friends who I've became good friends with over the past few years are more excited with me comparing to my MOH. It just disappoints me that it's really making me re-think our friendship and whether if it should even go on after the wedding. Keep in mind - I've been best friends with the MOH since I was 3 years old. That's 20 years!

I will probably say the guest list as well. We have some family that FH only wants to invite because their "family" yet in the 6 years we've dated I've never met them nor our 4 yr old son. Hate the idea of meeting most of his family for the first time at my wedding. FH family is a bit torn so that explains the delay in meeting his extended family.

ETA: spelling

Jenny - LOL yes so accurate. When I started the guest list, I just did the intermediate. Then my parents chimed in and was like NO NO NO we need to invite the extended cousins!! My thoughts were "WHAT THE FUCK.." just wanted to explode. So I can tell you right now that approximately 30-50 people on my list are people that I haven't seen, or even met..

Future Mrs. J - you and I are in the same boat. I only met like 10-15 people of my FHs family. 20+ that I haven't met are invited. That just makes me SUPER nervous.

@Jenny I am in a similar boat. FH's mother wanted a bunch of family members invited whom I had never heard of. When FH was getting addresses he had to introduce himself first as "so and so's son" just so they would know who he was. I thought this meant maybe these people wouldn't really be interested in coming but I seem to be wrong. Of course this can change between now and the wedding as invitations haven't been sent yet but we will see.

I also thought I would be super into wedding planning but I get so many questions daily from my BP, family, and particularly my mom that I realize I just don't care about. For example, I cannot bring myself to give one single fuck about centerpieces, card box, guest book... idk all these things just seem pointless to me. I wanted to elope, FH said we really should do the big wedding for our families and so we don't regret it but I really don't think I would have. I am so so excited about marrying my best friend but I just don't care about the details!

It's sometimes nice reading these and not feel alone. This is suppose to be fun and happy time and it seems like people always get in the way.

I learned to just literally turn off listening to anyone. My mom, I just had to say no too. I have more of her friends at my wedding than my own. I finally had it and just said no to everything. I keep telling Myself I have two days in life I am allowing myself to be selfish. My wedding day and birth of a (hope) child. Stay strong!

As I am reading other's I am noticing a common theme with the FS's family lol

Nguyen - lol we all have our preferences and whatnot! But yes, the whole guest list and the additions are annoying as fuck.

Sarah - it really is nice. That's why I decided to start something to allow everyone to vent without feeling alone and feeling relatable. Because to be honest, we don't want to talk off our FHs ears. And clearly, nobody else but the brides give a shit about their weddings.. so this is the only place to vent comfortably. When I first got engaged, I got super excited and couldn't wait for the planning.. that was over 2 years ago. I'm fucking over it and just can't wait for the day to be here. I'm at the point of "fuck it. Whatever it is, it is." For example, if my MOH doesn't get her dress.. guess who's not going to give a shit and tell her that she can't be involved? ME. I'm at that breaking point.

I can honestly say it hasn't been too bad so far. I have done most of the planning and the D.I.Y. stuff I wanted done. I think the only thing frustrating me is that I can't get either set of parents to talk about the wedding to figure out plans. More like timing on stuff and little things that I have time to hash out. My parents are hosting the rehearsal dinner, but literally that is all I know so far. I don't think they have thought much past they want to host it. Which is fine. I will get it sorted in the next month or so. Oh....I guess the infamous cookie table could be added to that frusration. Apparently it's a thing and a tradition where I live. It's oing to drive me batty I am sure. But until then I am going to stay my laid back self and just do what I do.

Jenn Bell - lol I can kind of relate to the parent thing. Our wedding is in 3 months. I've been promised multiple times by my dad that he would help us out financially for the wedding.. this has happened occasionally within the past two years. Nothing has happened yet. Just hearing my mom go "wow, this wedding is really bringing out the true self of your family.. some people are useless.." like.. how do you even respond to that knowing that it was about dad? I just feel absolutely terrible because my mom is the only person that's truly contributing towards the wedding. Like flowers, DJ, limo, bridal shower, rehearsal dinner.. I didn't even ask her. She offered. It just doesn't make me feel good knowing that she stepped up dramatically and my dad basically is the fish that doesn't want to be caught in helping out.

You know,you really do have control over the process, right? You don't have to invite people you don't want and have an out of control guest list. You don't have to have giant bridal parties that require flowers, gifts and a rehearsal dinner with a guest. You don't have to buy into all the shit that pinterest and the Bridal Industry tells you that you HAVE to have or your wedding will suck,right?

You don't need most of the stuff the industry tells you do; you need a great partner, a cool venue, food, alcohol, a terrific officiant and great music. That is really it.

Everything else is a bonus.