organist

Hard to know without knowing him personally. Could you maybe have them both play - one does processional, one does the recessional? My dad is an organist and it was very important to me to have him play something during the ceremony - obviously he couldn’t do the processional or the recessional, but he played for the hymn we had and also while we were signing the register and the church’s organist did the rest.

Good suggestion of yours - that family musicians should share in the ceremony. In fact the family member in question has played recitals at West Point Chapel and Washington National Cathedral (for some soundbites, simply search "miliggi organ"...

My sister-in-law is a bagpipe player. I wasn’t planning on asking her to play at the wedding. She brought it up to me asking if I would mind if she didn’t play so she could enjoy the wedding.

Hi Douglas!

There is no set etiquette about who you would ask to do wedding music if you have professional musicians in the family. I think the previous poster has given a brilliant suggestion.

You could ask the uncle if he would like to play something during the ceremony, however, you don’t expect him to, and that way he would feel thought of but not under pressure to say yes!

And if you want to go in a totally different direction for your ceremony music that’s fine too! There’s no expectation that you must ask family musicians to be part of your wedding, you can simply invite them to enjoy your ceremony as guests.

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Many thanks, Cliodhna!

As a Professional organist myself - and having been asked to play at the last six family weddings to which I was invited - I would expect, as a matter of courtesy, to be asked if I would be willing to play if I were included on the guest list - with the option to decline for any one of several reasons.

Protocol provides that the regular organist is entitled to claim (or waive) his standard wedding fee, whether or not he plays for the service - and has a right to satisfy himself about the competence of any guest organist invited by the family.

Colleagues to whom I have spoken about this say that it would be an extreme discourtesy if a non-family guest were invited to play without asking the family organist first. If in doubt, the best plan in such a situation would be to share the playing.

Many thanks for your comment.

In fact the uncle is an internationally acclaimed recitalist who has played concerts in USMA West Point Cadet Chapel, the cathedrals of Chicago, Orlando, Indianapolis, Memphis as well as twice each in Washington National Cathedral, St. Mary's Cathedral SFO, Cathedral of Our lady of the Angels, LA, Princeton and Harvard Universities... as well as in many iconic European cathedrals.

Would he be upset, maybe, if he were passed over...?