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Alison
Savvy August 2020

Opinions on parents paying for wedding?

Alison, on February 22, 2020 at 7:30 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 99
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My fiancé and I are getting married this August and my mom and his parents have given us some money to help out with expenses and I asked my dad if he would be willing to help us out because he has offered before the engagement and he said that parents helping pay for their children’s weddings isn’t a thing anymore and if I can’t afford it I shouldn’t be having one and I’m just wondering what other people think of this? Did any of you have your parents help you pay for any of your wedding?

99 Comments

Latest activity by Lauren, on March 5, 2020 at 7:51 AM
  • Allie
    Rockstar November 2021
    Allie ·
    • Flag
    When we got engaged, we went into it thinking that we’d be paying for it all. My fiancé’s parents have given us a good chunk of money, but my parents have not contributed. It seems to be the thing nowadays where parents don’t help as much. So I’d say plan for what you can afford with what you have and what you were given.
    • Reply
  • Mandi
    Master October 2020
    Mandi ·
    • Flag
    We just went in assuming we would be paying for all of it. What my parents have chosen to chip in has just been a bonus.
    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    I don’t think there’s a right or wrong or a “normal” but I do think with people getting married older and into a more established career it’s become more common for people to pay for their own weddings. I think if people offer to contribute that’s awesome and you should be grateful but I wouldn’t expect anyone to give money. Everyone’s financial situation is different and that’s why you see so many different types of weddings! I would move forward in planning with the money you have.
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn Online ·
    • Flag
    We paid for our wedding 100% on our own and we wouldn’t have asked anyone to pay.
    • Reply
  • Kathryn
    VIP August 2020
    Kathryn ·
    • Flag
    My FH's family are giving us a chunk of money, but we started planning fully expecting to pay for everything ourselves. I think it's become more common now. My parents certainly haven't offered. Think of any money offered as a gift, and plan for the wedding you can afford.
    • Reply
  • Kathy
    Master July 2010
    Kathy ·
    • Flag

    My ex and I paid for our daughters wedding. The couple did not ask us for anything, we did it because we wanted to, and could afford to.

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    The only 2 of the 9 of us that parents gave money to, use for a wedding or a house or to help start a business, were one who did not attend college , only 1 year commercial cooking school. And one educated while in the military. Because with the rest of us, after our working and saving and scholarships, our parents paid the rest of college plus first year or 2 of grad or medical school. So none of us had loans til mid grad school, if then. They are not big wage earners. But felt it was fair, and the rest of us agreed. After the last tuition paid that they had agreed to, they saved for a sum to the two who got zip for school. Hubby and I had just started our career type jobs post grad school when we met. No overtime available. So we both continued our previous jobs from paying our way through school. Our last load s were paid, or tuition paid( his) and separately we each worked for savings. When we got engaged, we pooled them, and when we hit $20 K worth of nursing shifts and ambulance shifts, we quit our 70 hour a week schedules. Back to 45 hours and 1 job each and set a $15 K budget. Hard work, but happy we did it. Went into marriage debt free with 4 months rent and utilities banked, and 2 junker cars. We moved in together for our 5 month engagement. That helped, too. Our of Boston area, into NH. I don't think parents owe their kids a wedding. And the sis and bro who took the money, had modest weddings and put most into starting businesses.
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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
    • Flag
    Both of our parents are helping with the wedding. When we started planning we were going to have something much smaller but now we are having a larger event. While I'm excited about having a larger wedding at an awesome venue. I would have been just as happy with what my FH and I could of afforded without the help. We really appreciate the help our parents are giving us though
    • Reply
  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
    • Flag
    I mean my grandparents offered to pay for a large portion of ours which was super generous and appreciated, but I definitely wouldn’t have expected them to do it or been upset if they didn’t. We just would’ve had a much smaller and simpler wedding that we could’ve afforded on our own.
    • Reply
  • Keah
    Savvy March 2021
    Keah ·
    • Flag

    My mom, fiance's mom, and some of my family (brother, aunt, cousin) have helped us out tremendously with out wedding. My brother is paying for the photographer/videographer/photo booth. My godfather is paying for my wedding dress. We didn't ask but all of these things were offered to us. I'm grateful for all of the help I am receiving but wasn't expecting it.

    • Reply
  • Maggie
    Super April 2020
    Maggie ·
    • Flag
    My parents gave us $10K as our wedding present, if our wedding was more we would pay the rest, of it’s less than we still get the whole amount, if we wanted to put only some of it towards the wedding, some towards the honeymoon, etc etc
    • Reply
  • Nicole
    Super August 2020
    Nicole ·
    • Flag
    We didn’t expect our parents to pay for anything. We’re paying for everything on our own. My mom did say she was going to gift us 5k but other than that it’s all us.
    • Reply
  • Tia
    Savvy April 2021
    Tia ·
    • Flag
    My mom is buying my dress, but everything else we are paying for ourselves.
    • Reply
  • Neeva
    VIP September 2020
    Neeva ·
    • Flag

    It varies so much but a lot of parents are not able to or choose not to help their children with their wedding. My parents are paying the majority of my wedding.

    Seems like your dad doesn't want to help out financially so I would just budget for not having any monetary help him from.

    • Reply
  • Andrea
    Super May 2020
    Andrea ·
    • Flag
    We are paying for our wedding completely on our own.
    I wouldn’t say “it’s not a thing for parents to help” I don’t think that’s true, it’s less common than it was 30 years ago for the parents of the bride to pay for the wedding. But it’s definitely still done.
    • Reply
  • Laura
    VIP November 2019
    Laura ·
    • Flag
    We paid every penny ourselves and expected nothing else. My mother and father couldn’t contribute, H’s parents specifically told him they were “not paying one cent” towards our wedding. Great, we got to choose everything ourselves and no one else had any say. Which was exactly what I wanted anyway.
    • Reply
  • Jasmine
    Rockstar January 2022
    Jasmine ·
    • Flag

    Parents not paying for their children's wedding is pretty much the norm nowadays. FH and I are solo. Some parents are still nice and well off enough to help but that's not the case for everyone. Even if parents are able, some just choose not to.

    • Reply
  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
    • Flag

    Our parents paid for the whole wedding, and we paid for the rehearsal dinner for all of the out of town guests. My parents and my husband's parents split the cost of the wedding evenly down the middle. Both of our parents wanted a fancy wedding and they knew that if my husband and I paid for it ourselves, it would have ended up being a more casual DIY affair since we're trying to save money for our future.

    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Rockstar October 2019
    Meghan ·
    • Flag
    We were lucky in that both sets of parents, mine & hers, offered to help pay for our wedding. However, we did not expect money from either set of parents, and went into the wedding planning process expecting to pay for it on our own. Having the gifted money was a bonus and a much appreciated gift.
    It’s a tough pill to swallow coming from your dad. But at the end of the day, no one is responsible for your wedding but you and your fiancé. So, I’d be thankful, and grateful, for the money that has been offered to you at this point. With him offering no money means he has no say in your wedding, so take that as a silver lining 🙃.
    • Reply
  • A
    Dedicated September 2020
    Alys ·
    • Flag
    We’re paying for our own wedding. I would never ask or even accept money from my parents for my own wedding. (1) I’m an adult, so I should only host as nice a wedding as I can comfortably afford and (2) goes against my culture’s tradition. In our culture, the groom and/or his family are the hosts for the entire wedding. My parents think it’s hilarious that the American custom is for brides family to pay. However, in this day and age when people get married when they’re older and working, that doesn’t make sense either, so we decided going that would would pay for it ourselves. Parents don’t have to help out financially. Its nice and generous if they do, but I personally wouldn’t expect it. It’s an outdated tradition most people don’t follow anymore. But I can understand if you’re upset if your expectation has been they would help. Think about this way, our parents raised us. The cost of that for at least 2 decades is more money than a wedding will ever be.
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