Opinions on not living together immediately/soon after marriage?

Thank you Ash. He does currently stay 6 or 7 nights a week, and like I said previously he has lived on his own and when he did, I was there often so I know (or at least hope I know) his quirks and habits now. I'm sure new ones will come up but I don't think there would be much of a difference between what we have now and moving out together (habit wise, obviously I know there is a difference in other aspects). I talked to him and he likes the idea of getting a short lease together until we can get to Virginia.

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Can I ask WHY do you guys want to get married if you won’t/can’t live independently? Whether it’s in your home state or in another....
I don’t understand the plan to share space with other couples especially if married.

I know plenty of people who have room mates when they bought a house, but second they married those room mates were gone.

I was 30 when I met my FH. He was 39. After 18mo of dating we moved in together. I refused to get married without moving in first and testing the waters. Why?? Because at that time he had a 17 and 11 year old and I had a 13 and 10 year old.

I never ever ever would have married my first husband if I would have lived with him first. And I was 18 and 8 mo pregnant with his child and a few months after marriage and baby, at STILL 18 I knew I shouldn’t of married him first. (Even though he pretty much lived at my moms house with me all week-moving in as totally different)

View Quoted Comment I’m trying to give genuine advice here because I was in a similar position and thought moving in together wouldn’t be that different. It is for most people. FH and I were long distance for a while and would spend weeks at a time together when we did see each other (grad school, so between semesters). We’ve been living together for a year now and while it’s great, there are issues that I didn’t expect. He’s actually currently out for a walk cause he’s frustrated by how I don’t keep the kitchen as clean as he’d like. Just small things like that. Nothing that threatens our relationship or anything, but I just wanted to say that you might find it to be very different.

Me and my FH moved in together right at 8 months together and we've been together almost 5 years. Living together is a must. IMO it's strange to not live together before or even after marriage. I can understand as others have if it's due to work travel or deployment. Living together is key to really knowing your spouse and is key building blivk for your relationship. Have y'all thought about living with one of your families if only temporarily?

So you’re 23 and 25 (not young) yet still live with your parents and then plan to have roommates when you move? I guess I don’t really understand the “why” in all this. If you’re adult enough to get married, you’re adult enough to get your own place without parents or roommates. But that’s just my opinion. I my case I was a mom already at 22 so I guess I have a different outlook.

I would postpone the wedding until you can live together. How can you budget for a wedding if you can’t afford to pay for your own living expenses? What is the point in getting married if you can’t build a life together?

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If he stays that many times a week he should just move there. hes wasting money to drive back and forth and paying rent

You have to do what is right for you, but your plan involves you sharing some of the most beautiful and emotionally intimate years of your married life with people who aren't a part of that intimacy. You can't have romantic dinners, just the 2 of you, when your mother or friend will be there all the time. When he has a bad day at work and needs to just be comforted by his wife, there will be other people everywhere. You won't have the freedom to just relax and learn who each other is. This might feel normal right now because you've been basically doing it, but honestly, this is a time of your life that you'll never be able to get back.
If I were you, this is what I would do (and I mean this respectfully and without judgment, only based on my experience)

1. Decide whether I'm truly ready to start building a life with just my husband or whether I want a few more years to be in my 20's and share life with friends. Nothing wrong with that.

2. Leave my friends and family out of it. If I want to move with my husband to... anywhere... its based on our decision and not based on my friends' plans or my family's plans. Because I've left them to join my husband wherever we go together.

3. Decide where I need to be in order to make the finances work. Am I on the career path that I want to be in order to start a new life? Is this really a good possibility for me? or should I wait to get married until i've gone back to school or gotten the career path that I want, etc.

Now, I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about me. The path that you're talking about would lead me to be less serious in my marriage and more likely to get a divorce. I personally work very hard on creating a path for my future husband and I to stay together for life.

No matter what you decide, whether you agree with me or not, I wish the best for you and your man.

I’m not moving in with my FH until we get married. I want there to be something special about being married, something different. Yes I’ll have to deal with his idiosyncrasies but that’ll happen even if you move in with a roommate. Yes you have to learn how to live with the person but you have the rest of your lives together to do that, there’s no rush. No matter what people say, moving in together or not, it’s your choice! Do what’s right for you as a couple!

Having him move in with you and your parents is a fine idea as long as everyone’s on the same page! I live with my FH and his parents right now as we had some big unexpected expenses when we were going to get our apartment and really it’s almost the same. It is a little different and odd at times but it won’t be for super long so I’m sure you both can power through it! The key is just to have everyone on the same page

View Quoted Comment Having kids I feel makes you grow up and mature I think.
I had 2 kids by the time I was 23 and I was married at 18.i wouldn’t have married my ex if I got to live with him first and even at the immature naive age of 18-19 I knew that. We probably would have just lived together for a few years and then split.
By the time I was 29 I matured and changed so much I outgrew the marriage and relationship.
So off my 12 and 8 year old and I went!

Who cares? Do whatever you want I think it makes sense. We moved in after dating for less than a year and we bought at house after dating for 2. I'm kind of the opposite end of the spectrum.