Opening mailed shower gifts, using shower gifts before the wedding?? What are the rules?

I don't know the rules, but we haven't opened up any that we've received. When they are delivered, we just put them in the guest room. Did send thank you notes, though.

Strange they were offended? Def write all your thank yous as you receive things, so you arent cramming post shower/wedding

All etiquette aside… If i got gifts before my shower that weren't wrapped i would definitely open them and use them… Same with after the shower. What are you soposto do? Leave everything out and then when you get back from your honeymoon figure out where everything should go?!

At Future Mrs. D-

Did you open the box to see what they were to put in the thank you note? Or did you just write a generic thank you for the gift note? How about people you knew were coming to the shower, did you bring those gifts with you to the shower?

Thanks!

I manage our registries online and I'm able to see what was purchased and shipped directly to us. My shower won't be till May, but I'll probably bring the gifts with.

General etiquette: Send a thank-you note immediately, and don't use the item until after the wedding. One exception is if the wedding gift is something that's meant to be used before/for the wedding (for example, if someone offers to pay for a wedding expense, or they buy you toasting flutes for your wedding).

One of the MAJOR reasons you should not use wedding gifts before the wedding is that if the wedding is cancelled, you need to return the gifts. Obviously, if you're planning a wedding, you are NOT planning to cancel it, but sometimes, things happen. Maybe one of you gets sick or injured and the wedding is postponed indefinitely. Maybe you break up, or you decide to back up and stay in the relationship but not get married yet.

If those things happen to you, you should get in touch with everyone who's given you a gift, and offer to return the gifts.

That's why people get upset if you use a gift before the wedding. I don't think that the person expected you to, like ... wrap it and bring it to the shower and unwrap it. Just that you would send a thank-you note and wait till after the wedding to use it.

@stephanie is right but I started using shower gifts as soon as I sent the thank you notes, about 2 months before the wedding. We got stuff we needed for our new house so I figured if something crazy happened I would have sent people the equivalent $$ for anything I couldn't return.

@Kate - same here. I had a very early shower and we can't just store the boxes plus some of the stuff was really useful. If the wedding is called off, I would pay for the items.

Yeah, I mean ... most of the time, people aren't going to KNOW if you've used a gift. Plus, if you get a check, you should cash it immediately. Once that happens, the gift-giver can't prove that you've spent it, you know?

Waitttt a minute. I thought that typically if you get gifts shipped to you, they are from people who can't come to the shower? Or is everything that is bought online automatically shipped to our house?

This is my opinion.. if it is a possible registry item do not open it. If it is from your bridal shower you can use it now. My bridal shower is in less than 2 weeks. I am really excited about it!

Congrats on getting your first gift!

Bringing this up again as I have had many gifts arrive at my house that were purchased through my registry. (Macy's)

First gift, there was no card or note and it was unwrapped. On the receipt, I could tell who purchased the gift, so I had my mom contact my aunt to find out if she had even intended to send it to me. She hadn't, so that crisis was averted and I gave the gift to my mom so my aunt can wrap it and bring it to the shower (In two weeks).

Second gift, I got home to find four massive boxes on my porch (weird, right? Anyone could have walked off with them!) I opened the boxes in search of cards, and found cards from those who purchased and DID intend to send them to me. One of them was from an aunt that has RSVP'd that she IS coming to the shower. I don't know if I should send her a thank you now, or after the shower. My mom says I should wait.

The other that had a card was from a cousin, and the gift wasn't even boxed as it is towels and bathroom accessories. I could REALLY use this now. I feel like I should and hope she won't be offended. I don't know if she is/isn't coming to the shower at this point, or if she went in with her sisters (they are my second cousins) for the gift.

I really hope the rest are just given at the shower or the wedding, because it's another stress i'm having over etiquette and cards to send out!

I have received three gifts so far (my shower is August 5th) and I have opened all three so far. The first one caught me off guard because I haven't looked at my registry since I made it (wanted to be "surprised" lol) and I guess it didn't click that people send gifts to your house. Well, I opened them and wrote thank you right away. Not sure if they aren't coming to the shower or what the deal was, but I put the gifts aside. However, my fiance is already living in our house (I am not until after the wedding), but wegot towels as a gift mailed to our house, and he is literally living with only two bath towels right now, so I told him he could use them. Seemed silly not to, but it's honestly hard to follow every rule of etiquette...