Open Ceremony & Closed Reception: Wording on Website

I think the steps you've already taken are great. Regardless of how many things you do, some people just aren't going to get the hint (just like bringing a +1 even if the invite doesn't say "You and a guest are invited to..."). I think if you do what you mentioned, if people still take liberties and RSVP to the reception unenvied, you will just have to call them and clarify that you would love to have them at the ceremony but unfortunately are having a reception that is completely separate.

Putting my feelings on this aside, I think you should take the reception info off your website. If you can't invite all the guests, it might be best to keep it on the down low.

Personally, if they're not invited to the reception, don't invite them to the ceremony. But if it's what you have to do, here's what I would do: have separate invitations for each crowd. If they are only invited to the reception, send them an invitation for the ceremony only. If they are invited to both, have an invitation giving info on ceremony and location for reception.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this somewhat normal for Hindu ceremonies? I ask, because if this is the norm in that culture, it can change the responses you'll get.

@Katie: Great idea.. My problem is that I always feel bad to say no!

@KatieM520: That's what we did. We have a pocket style invitation with inserts for the wedding and pre wedding events. Those not invited to the reception won't get the insert for it.

@Eleanor: We wouldn't mind doing that, but it makes it so much easier to keep track of the meals and numbers that way.

@Just Reenski: Yes, it is! Unfortunately though, not everyone understands.

We would absolutely love to have everyone at the reception, but we already have 450 at the wedding and 350 for the reception (we both have very large families and a lot of extended family that we're very close to). We have even paid to have our DJ come in for a couple hours after the ceremony, for those who are not coming to the actual reception.

Dont list the reception on your website AT ALL, that was the ceremony and lunch is what everyone goes to, then mail the reception invites to the attendees, that way there no problem.

Or make a separate website for the reception only

Are the lunch and reception two different things? Are all the ceremony guests invited to the lunch and then there is another reception? I'm a little confused about that.

Hi Eleanor,

Yes the lunch and reception are separate. Our ceremony is long and traditional, and takes up a day on its own. Our reception is the following day. Everyone is invited to the ceremony and lunch.

That changes things a bit. I didn't realize you were still hosting something for all your guests. If possible I still think you should take the reception off the website but it would be hard to communicate in another way with 350 people. Bottom line is that while what you're doing is ok, you still run the risk of offending some guests. Especially those who aren't farmiliar with traditional Hindu ceremonies. Right or wrong, you should be prepared for that.

I wanted to do that. But I felt soooooo bad. It was like saying " u are important enough for the ceremony but not for the reception....go home".

And they would feel like "guess I didn't make the list"

@ Niecy: yes but that's why we went to the trouble of having a small scale reception (which is part of the tradition anyway) we just took it a step further and hired the DJ as well.

I would simply make it very clear that the ceremony is open to all, but you would like to have a more private reception and ask everyone to please respect your wishes to have a smaller reception and thank them for being a part of your day. Also, try to make it clear that those attending the ceremony perhaps are not expected to bring a gift if not invited to the reception (may make the sting a little easier). I completely understand about limiting the #, we are doing a beach ceremony with immediate family and just a few close, mutual friends. We ended up planning a reception for a few weeks after we returned because so many people were insulted that they weren't included. It's not an offense to anyone, if they had to pay they would understand. What I did was set up two separate sites for wedding and one for reception and made it clear that both were invite only. We are not mailing invites for the wedding since its a small group , but will do invites for the reception and require RSVP's.

Thanks @Future Mrs. Kennedy! Yes, we definitely do not expect any gifts from either event actually. I'm only registering for my shower. We've approached our wedding as a celebration of our love and joy. We want people to come have fun & not feel obligated to bring a gift. I mean it's always an added bonus if they do, but it's never a requirement

Don't invite people to the ceremony and not the reception. Reception is to thank your guests for coming to your wedding. It's one thing if you have a ceremony at a church or a park, where people can come in without an invitation. But if you're inviting someone to your ceremony, and then not to the reception, that's a bit off. Especially since those guests will see everyone else going to the reception afterwards, and they'll be left out.

@Stephanie: I wish I could, but it's just way too many people. 350 is a huge amount as it is.

I think it's fine since it's a two day event, send out invites to everyone with the date of the first day and only those invited to the reception an invite with both dates

Uhhh I beg to differ that this is the norm in Indian culture. For everyone I know, the whole wedding is a huge event and everyone is invited to all events, unless the bride chooses to have a women-only mehandi. Don't blame it on the culture or religion. It's your choice to do it this way, but I think it's rude to have the information on the public wedding web site. How would you feel if someone waved it in your face that there was a party you're not invited to? I think the considerate way to do this is to remove it from the web site or add it to a password-protected page. It goes without saying that separate invitations should be sent to each group of guests.

ETA: You will get RSVPs for the 2nd day reception because guests are confused, not because they are just trying to be rude.

@Fluffy

Thanks for the input, but in Hindu ceremonies, it's the norm to have a lunch etc after the ceremony. I never said it was the cultural or religious norm to not have everyone at the reception. If that were the case, I wouldn't have this dilemma.

"ETA: You will get RSVPs for the 2nd day reception because guests are confused, not because they are just trying to be rude."

Like I mentioned, it's a wedding wire website, which allows us to restrict people from rsvp-ing to events they're not invited to. And we also mentioned that they won't be getting an insert for the reception details in their invitation. The concern is people trying to invite themselves.

As mentioned, I know it's not something everyone will agree on. For us it makes the most sense because as mentioned it's not a wise financial decision for us to have over 450 people at a formal wedding reception. We are paying for the wedding ourselves and we just bought a house. If we had an unlimited budget, we gladly would, but unfortunately that is not the case.

@Ryan & Samantha Except you don't NEED to invite almost 400 people to your wedding.

Oh, I thought you were saying the large ceremony, small reception was the norm.

I have no advice, I agree with Fluffy that more than likely, people will be confused. Not to mention, you're running the risk that guests will be offended after the fact if they find they were not invited to the reception, particularly if any of your guests are accustomed to traditional "American" weddings.

I have no advice, as saying to cut the guest list is generally not so easy for Hindu weddings, from what I've read. And other than trying to explain the financials to those asking for a large wedding, I don't know what you could do. But I would prepare for the guests that can possibly get upset.