Only brother not coming to wedding because we're not inviting his new girlfriend

To be honest I probably wouldn't come either if it was clear my relationship was not being respected. I completely understand the attachment the family has to the ex but people who have kids with each other are allowed to break up. It's really not anyone's place to judge this new relationship while expecting him to come to an event that's literally all about respecting and celebrating someone's relationship. If he chooses not to come because his girlfriend is not invited respect his choice.

His family are being assholes. It's not up to them who to invite or not invite. You need to talk to your FH and decided for yourselves whether or not you will invite her.

In my opinion, not inviting her is ridiculously rude. They are in a relationship whether or not you approve of it.

It doesn't matter how much they loved the 1st girlfriend, the relationship has ended and they need to respect his decisions and be open to whomever he chooses to bring home, serious or not. That doesn't mean the family can't still remain close with the 1st girlfriend, but her position has changed and she needs to take a back seat to the brother and whoever he is with. It sucks, but it's life. I know, I use to a 1st girlfriend.

Don't be a b*tch, just invite the "new " girlfriend. No one wants to go to a wedding alone.

I don't understand why people "don't allow" grown ups to move on. If I were him, I would be upset too. You should re-evaluate your decision and the reasoning behind it.

Thank you so much Allysia. And thank you everyone for responding... I think because this relationship is still fairly new (starting dating in april officially, but he was hooking up w/ her earlier in february and TOLD my fiance not to tell me..., so i guess the relationship is probably 6 months old) everyone is having a hard time respecting it. But like i said, she is nice and i've met her before the drama and liked her, its just HORRIBLE TIMING!!!! But she is causing a large rift in the family. I'm also kinda mad that he's using our wedding to bring her out, its supposed to be about us, not their petty fights and drama, which now people are focusing on.

Also worth mentioning, i'm not inviting dates unless they've been together over 1 years or married. I just don't want a bunch of extras I don't know. I've said no so far to 3 people who have asked me, and they were okay.... but this one is by far the hardest...

I have said it a thousand times, and I will say it again. You cannot expect someone to come celebrate your relationship, if you blatantly disrespect their relationship.

I guess if the situation was to be flipped, imagine how you would feel if your FH's family would refuse to acknowledge you because they liked his ex better. It sucks, huh? Now, imagine that you are the one causing these hurtful feelings to a person who really hasn't done anything bad to you.

Your FH's family is being incredibly childish and disrespectful by not respecting the guy's decision to break up with the girl and build his life as he sees fit. And you, by catering to their demands, are no less childish and disrespectful. When you say you feel bad, I hope it actually means something to you, and you realize that what you are doing is incredibly painful to your FH's brother and his girlfriend, especially because the pain comes at the hands of family.

The family needs to grow up and suck it up, and you need to invite them both, as a couple.

I just need the strength to deal with the drama if I invite the new girlfriend. please stop calling me rude. I just need support on what to do if I do have to invite the new girlfriend. I didn't want to invite new girlfriend because I don't want my good friend (his ex) to be uncomfortable.

Oh, here we go...

I guess I will quote:

"I'm also kinda mad that he's using our wedding to bring her out, its supposed to be about us, not their petty fights and drama, which now people are focusing on."

Where did you get the idea that he's using your wedding to "bring her out"? She's not a prize horse that needs to be paraded around, you know. And he doesn't have to keep her locked up like an ungodly embarrassment, he's dating her, and he's proud of it. It really sounds like your FH's family is feeding you bullshit ideas, and you're buying it.

"Also worth mentioning, i'm not inviting dates unless they've been together over 1 years or married."

...because a relationship that is 11 months old is somehow less valid than one that hit the 1-year mark. An arbitrary cutoff sounds like a tried and true way to show respect to your loved ones.

This is his brother, not just a guest. And I actually can see him using the wedding as the perfect time to bring his girlfriend. It's a big event with no pressure. And I can imagine his frustration at the idea that his ex is still being invited to family things. If it wasn't going to be the wedding, it would be the next family holiday.

Well no, I've been the "new" girlfriend before, my fiance was with a girl for 5 years before me and I had extremely big shoes to fill.

I've learned that when people hurt me, I try to understand WHY and their situation INSTEAD of trying to be a bitch and hurt them back.

Honestly, even if it was a 30 second old relationship, I wouldn't come alone if my ex was there and my family wanted to pretend we were still together. He's just looking for closure from his family and hopeful respect. This exact situation happened to a friend where she was the ex the family still loved and his family essentially disowned him for leaving her. Politics are hard but having a bumper (the new gf) is helpful

I'm sorry, but if it looks like a dog and barks like a dog...

It's rude and disrespectful to invite only half a couple, because it shows that you think their relationship is somehow flawed or less important than yours. You can think all you want that you are not being rude, it doesn't make it so in the end. You already indicated that he will not show up if only he is invited, and guess what - he would be totally right in doing so. Why? Because you disrespected his relationship.

Look, I get that you're stuck between a rock and a hard place, and are worried that any decision you make will offend someone. The only non-rude way of handling this is to invite them both, or don't invite them at all. Since you made it clear that you value the ex's comfort above being respectful to your FH's brother, the best solution is to not invite them at all.

I feel like you need to extend an invite. It's awkward for the new girlfriend already--imagine how she feels that the ex is invited and she's not. I think it's isolating her even more. And it's not her fault that brother and baby mama broke up... so it shouldn't be taken out on her. I know it's an awkward situation for you but I think you should take the high road here and invite her.

How does the mother of his child feel about that? it's not her decision, but if a big part of the issue is that you are concerned about his discomfort, maybe she's ok with it all.

I would ask her how she feel then go from there on your decision.

It's his brother. If it were anyone else, I would maybe think differently, but it's important that he's there. It doesn't seem like you are the one who has anything against the new girlfriend, and his family will get over it. I totally get not wanting strangers at your wedding. My brother has a new flavor every 6 months or so and he brought his new girl to my wedding but whatever. Just make sure she's not in any really important family pics in case it doesn't work out and let it go.

Thank you guys, i posted here because I wanted an impartial answer and someone to talk to. My fiance will do whatever I want him to do, i just don't have anyone to talk to about this. I can't talk to my friends or family because she too has bonded with them. I just don't have any unbiased advice from them. i know in the end my heart will tell me to invite her. it's not like he's "just another guest", or just a friend from college, he is family and his family is so small to begin with. i am really hurt by the mean things people are saying about "being loyal to an ex", esp when they were friends with you for your entire relationship to your fiance.... i do like the new girlfriend but i guess there is no nice way to do this. and yes, i do feel bad, i'm actually crying as i'm writing this because yes, it means that much to me, i'm not a exclusive petty bitch who is purposely trying to disrespect my future brother in law. I just needed help for this very hard situation.

Nobody was saying that you were an exclusive petty bitch. Everyone understands that it's a tough situation. But in every tough situation, there's a right way to handle things, and a wrong way. You considered doing something rude, we told you it was rude. It wasn't mean, it wasn't harsh, but it was the truth. Isn't that what you were looking for?

Invite the ex-girlfriend. She has a daughter, and is therefore family.

Allow the brother to bring the new girlfriend. He wants her there, your husband probably wants him there. Be the bigger person. What if he ends up marrying this one? You can't control other people's feelings.

By the way, I completely disagree with your "1 year rule." My husband and I were attached at the hip pretty quickly. If he was invited to a wedding and I wasn't because we were only dating 6 months, then he would not have gone either because that's just rude.

It means that much to you right now, but I swear on my wedding vows, when the day comes, you won't be focused on it, you will be focused on how happy you are. If you think the presence of one person, that you don't even dislike, is going to really ruin the whole day for you, then I would sit and really think about what this day is really about to you.