Online rsvp Anger

We've had a decent amount of RSVPs come in already, especially since the invited pretty much just got sent out, but I'm dreading the lead-up to the RSVP-by date. I'm sure we're going to have to be calling people too, and I'm really not looking forward to it. Best of luck - hopefully you get more RSVPs in the next week!

Unfortunately, this is quite common. People generally just suck at RSVPing. Honestly, I was one of those people before I knew what all went into planning a wedding. I can promise I will be one of the first people to RSVP from here on out though. You should wait a few days after your RSVP deadline, to give the stragglers time to come in. Then reach out to the non-respondents, and say something like "Hey there. Hope all is well. I just wanted to reach out, because our RSVP deadline has passed, and we did not receive yours. Our final count is due, so will you be able to celebrate with us, or have to regretfully decline? Please let me know by (insert date). Thanks!" If they respond, great. If they don't, then mark them as a no and press forward. Good luck! And know that you aren't the only one, I had close to 100 that hadn't RSVP'd by our deadline.

View Quoted Comment Thank you. It’s not fun. It really makes me question whether I’m being taken seriously or not. If I cut them after the 22nd, folks are going to say I’m mean or harsh. We have about 80+ guest RSVPS, but we had to keep bugging people WEEKLY (sometimes DAILY) just to do it. I get instant notifications for crying out loud. Stop with the “I thought I did it...” 😒😒

View Quoted Comment Wow. You have the patience of Job. I00?! That’s insane. I guess I’m just a stickler for timeliness, so I don’t like to keep others waiting. I only slack off if I’m the only one who will be affected, but I get that everyone is different. I think your idea about a few days after is reasonable, but my mind is just like NOOOOO!!!! Come June 22nd, I’ll be itching to switch their status to “decline.” I’m sure that sounds super controlling, but I am doing this all myself. My FH has been helpful, but the details and the organization are all me down to the number of tables. I just wanted guests to be considerate of that.

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I get it. I've planned our entire wedding 95% myself. Very little to no help from anyone, not even FH. We invited 245 guests, so 100 in comparison is...eh. But like you, I wanted to just mark them as a no and move on....but luckily I didn't, because I would have had a lot of people show up that I didn't plan for. The majority of non respondents, I'd say a good 90%, said they were coming after I reached out. I got the typical responses of "so sorry, I forgot...." or "so sorry, I was waiting to see if I'd be able to get off work...." I'm just like, ya ya ya just tell me yes or no, lol.

A lot of people do it. Why not have a bridesmaid or groomsman do all of the calling? A lot of people like to assume you know they're coming (which is super annoying lol). I had my bridesmaids do the calling for me and it alleviated a lot of the stress. I don't know how your website is set up, but they just called people and filled out the little questionnaire online so I just got notifications with everything written down.

Yeah, I feel ya. I had so many people not rsvp with their invites. We had to ask them. It happens a lot. People for some reason think weddings are like another party and don't take it as seriously as we would like. Weddings take so much to plan and they don't realize that we have to do things by a certain time and we put much effort planning by person.

View Quoted Comment Sheesh. 245 people? That’s a big amount... at least for someone who invited 100 less people. I get those same sorry responses too. Like I said before, I hope there’s no hard feelings when they do something big, and I’m not concerned about their timeframe. It comes back!

View Quoted Comment I didn’t get her to call because my MOH is already doing so much, but I’m sure she wouldn’t object. Also, they might not pick up if they don’t recognize her number. My FH has managed to get more people from his list.

My site is set up so when a person goes online from any device, they type in their name, their spouse or children (if any) will pop up, they can select their attendance as well. The second they press “done” I’m immediately notified. It takes like 2 minutes. I even text people the link.

View Quoted Comment They sure don’t. It just lets me know how inconsiderate people are. The final count is crucial. I can’t wait on you to decide. If you can’t just say something. I’m not the type to sweat that!

Honestly, it's typical (which sucks). We sent out RSVPs in our invites that were addressed/stamped AND gave everyone an online RSVP option. Our RSVP date came (Monday) and we were waiting on 61 people. Tuesday we reached out to all of them, and are still waiting on 27 people.

As you have said, they still have 9 days until the deadline. You shouldn't be bugging people about RSVP's until AFTER the deadline has passed. That's extremely rude to be doing that. They haven't done anything wrong, nor have they been rude since there is still time to respond, so there is no reason to be angry with your guests at this time.

View Quoted Comment There’s got to be a way to stop this. Everyone’s story is the same/similar. I just don’t get it. No one should be waiting on 20+ people. That’s too many.

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My photographer said she noticed it's a lot worse this year than previous years (at least from what her brides tell her). We heard from 160 on time and waited on 60.

I UNDERSTAND. holy crap. I did online RSVP and two days before they were do I had to reach out for 45 people. HOW ANNOYING.

View Quoted Comment You are certainly entitled to your opinion, but I vehemently disagree with you about my actions being “extremely rude.” That’s excessive. The majority of the guests who had not RSVP’d did not have a valid reason aside from sheer forgetfulness after ASKING to be a part of this day. Furthermore, I will not be “bugging” anyone after the deadline because deadlines are definitive just like any other event. If you forget or take your precious time regardless of the reason, you will not be permitted to attend. If anything, reminding guests of a deadline that has all but slipped their mind is an extreme courtesy. A guest’s responsibility is minimal; you are being asked to attend a free party in celebration of the bride and groom, with or without a gift. All you need do is provide a “yes” or “no” especially during the final week. Opening up the lines of communication early and providing serious expectations prevents unplanned guests.

View Quoted Comment My point exactly. That’s a big number. Waiting until the “final hour” is a bit much. You can tell who’s never had to plan anything.


I won’t be terribly disappointed if someone can’t attend. I told one of my best friends that I will be there the morning of her wedding this year and not the day before because it’s my birthday. A BIG birthday. I was honest and upfront.

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I was surprised at how many of the 30-40 year old couples waited so long, especially the ones we have been to their weddings in the past 4-5 years! I left myself 10 days until we needed our final count for 1 vendor from our RSVP date, so plenty of time to contact everyone, but I was still annoyed to have to do it. It really only took us about an hour to send out all the texts though so it wasn't too bad.

View Quoted Comment Yes, it is. I’m glad you understand the nature of people. The odds of the guests I’m waiting on responding by the deadline is low. I know them. I know how they roll, and I know who has communicated with me about what they are doing. Those are the people I leave alone. The ones whom I have not heard from give me pause because they won’t say if they received their invite after I ask. I can’t rectify situations like that without communication.

View Quoted Comment I’m surprised too, and I get that it might not have been too bad. It just confused me how everyone replied so quickly with addresses, but didn’t rise to the occasion later. This date has been around since October.

I know I won’t hear from a chunk of people even after, so I think I’ve washed my hands of it.