One Pissed Off Bride

Maybe you should talk to him about why this bothers you and explain it's not about the money but him being interested and wanting to contribute. And if you have and he doesn't listen, maybe you guys should work on communication because it's really important and you can't start off a marriage with lack of communication.

Breathe in, breathe out hun. I'm sure this is very frustrating, especially if you're becoming overwhelmed. Maybe try writing him a little note to express how you feel. Hope things get better for you sweetie!

What worked for us is me narrowing whatever down to three options which I liked, then asking him which he preferred. If I bombarded him with lots of options, he got overwhelmed.

In my opinion, it just different personalities on what you/him perceive as urgent. When my fiance asks me to do something wedding related such as look at prices for honeymoon, i know i can get that done in 40 min max. So if you want him to help on something, give him a date when you want the colors finalized by xx/xx/xxxx, and dont be discouraged if he waits until the weekend before the date to ask question about what he was assigned to do

I agree with kiwiderbybride. My FH is almost as bad as i am with making decisions, so i have to simplify it for him to really be helpful. But we split the planning, so I'm taking care of the wedding planning, and he's planning the honeymoon himself.

If I had left some of the heavy lifting to my FH back when we were planning our wedding (35 years ago), I shudder to think what it might have looked like. He's brilliant, assertive, and has the ability to negotiate unheard of prices with just about every salesperson under the sun -- but the bigger question would be, "What are we getting for that amazing price?". He would have handled whatever I needed, but if I gave him that responsibility, I'd either have to live with his choices or I'd have to try and find a way to alter them without hurting his feelings (easier said than done).

Some men have a great talent for planning amazing social events and parties, and they also have a good eye when it comes to design and decor placement. For those guys, the wedding planning is a project they take seriously. Other guys are interested in getting married, and for them, the two big aspects of the day are watching their beloved during the processional, and following that up with a fantastic party.

It sounds like you're marrying a man who truly cares, but is intimidated by the fact that aspects of something so big, so expensive, and so monumental, have been left in his hands. There are many brides on this forum who have a hard time getting their FH involved in the planning, at all (he may have a few must haves, but many times, those "must haves" are passed to the bride's to-do list).

The next time he implies that you need his money, don't feel the need to defend your position. I'd get rather serious. I would tell him, "I never said all I needed from you was your money. Never. But, I never told you that I could pull our wedding together without it. If you think our wedding -- an event in which you are one half of the hosting couple -- is going to magically create itself without exchanging money for services, then we need to go back to step one. Nobody gives away weddings -- unless you want to be a contest winner and exchange wedding vows on the sound stage of some network gossip/pop culture show on a Wednesday morning (featuring co-hosts who are drinking wine while the rest of us are drinking coffee). Of course WE need your financial contributions to pull off OUR wedding, just like we need MY financial contributions to pull off our wedding. I love the fact that we can discuss our wedding so frequently, and it's exciting to witness your optimism and anticipation, but it has to be more than pillow talk. I need you to be my partner, speak your mind, and help me -- financially and emotionally -- with an event that we will remember for the rest of our lives." He has to know that he's either involved in the planning or he isn't, but either way, his financial contributions are a requirement.

Let him know that if he isn't willing to follow through on promises he's made, then he's forfeiting his right to deflect from the issue at hand in an effort to make it sound as though he's an ATM funding YOUR wedding vision. Practically speaking, if his job is to secure a DJ, and he doesn't, then it falls back to you -- but he needs to understand he's subsidizing the cost of the DJ that you've chosen (because he didn't).

Make it clear that you want his tastes and his choices reflected on your wedding day, and explain to him that you want to be able to tell people that this perfect aspect/that perfect aspect of the wedding was his idea. Remind him that you want to look at your wedding album, 25 years from now, and while pointing as something memorable, you can say, "Yes, he picked that. Isn't it great?". It's not all about him taking jobs from your list and paying for them. In fact, with less than eight months to go before your wedding day, this is his last chance to either play and pay, or just pay.

I did the same as KiwiDerby, but I'm a big planner naturally whereas Jon is very much "along for the ride" so it worked out. Talk to your FH and see if there are certain things he feels very strongly about, then have him work on that while you do other things. For my H he cared a lot about picking the music.

Ultimately you need to get on the same page with planning and probably will have to adjust both of your expectations.

As usual @Rachel has the most amazing advice. Definitely read what she's saying. I find in my personal experience that direct questions help and so do getting your FH involved in outings. Go see two venues together and then ask him two or three direct questions about which he liked best. "Do you think venue x can hold all our guests?" instead of "what did you like about venue x?".

Ask him what decisions he wants to participate with. My H wanted to weigh in on food and music, but had no interest in flowers and table linen. I did the main planning and research and made lots of decisions solo, just updating him on the final decision before putting in an order. When I did need his input, I narrowed down options to A, B, or C, any of which would have been acceptable. You really just need to talk to your FH and agree on what part you're doing together and separate. Most dudes have no clue/interest in wedding planning, so cut him some slack if you say it's time to pick out centerpieces and he doesn't jump up excitedly.

@Rachel, you're amazing! Thank you sooooo much!

And everyone else, thank you! Glad to know y'all see where I'm coming from. But of course, it's not about color schemes and flowers. It's more about the big things like food, photography, invites. But I see what you mean and I appreciate your responses!

My FH is 8 hours away finishing up college, so I'm mostly planning on my own anyway. I've asked him a few times if there's anything specific he wants to have a part in putting together/something he wants to see happen; his only response has been as long as we're married at the end of the day I don't really care, you can do what you want xD

My FH hands over the card and is happy having zero to do with it, i don't mind either. Dont stress about it , it's not his thing let him pick what he wants . FH only cared about the cake and food so that's all he did.

I just gave FH some jobs based on what I knew he'd care about.

For example, he was in charge of DJ/music, honeymoon and food menu (I had input of course).

I took venue, photog, transportation, colors, decor and invites (most with his input - he doesn't quite care about decor and colors).

He really liked having jobs and being responsible for certain things. Other stuff, id narrow it down to two choices then ask him to choose.

I think the men always get a little overwhelmed some days i think all the planning and costs stress my fiance out...but i catch him on days where we're laying in bed relaxing&go over ideas&stuff&he's more engaged....i still do all the ordering of stuff&etc....i think naturally as women we just care more....the guys,they just wanna get married lol

Hope u feel better hun

Rachel, brilliant as always.

My relationship with FH is similar to this. I've learned my way of keeping him involved is, like PP said, to narrow down my options and let him make the decision. Honestly FH doesn't care much about the planning and I don't think that's uncommon. Literally he things all he has to do is show up, lol.

My FH isn't involved in any planning... More room to have things my way..Lol try not to stress! This should be fun!

Most guys aren't into wedding planning. I told my H, "Just show up."

FH doesn't really care too much until I narrow it down for him. I started compiling lists and showing it to him for photographers and DJs but he didn't have anything to go off of and didn't want to sit and look at everyone's site to look at their pictures so his default response turned into "which is the cheapest" so I changed my approach to picking out a few and having him narrow down by asking him if there was something he didn't like about their work which seemed to get more of a response from him and then I did phone interviews and based on that set up meetings in person. Once he met with them in person, it became easier for him because he could see their personalities and determine if he thought their personalities would work with our guests. It was the same with venues, he would say he didn't care and to just go with the cheapest one until I actually set up visits so he could see them and I was surprised at how much he started to care.

Your FH may just be overwhelmed if you give him too many things at once, try approaching him with one thing at a time and narrow down the choices so he can really focus on 2-4 vendors and pick between them. Also make sure to spend time with him that isn't focused completely on the wedding and how much things cost, spend time together working on your relationship so it isn't 100% focused on planning your wedding 24/7