one bridesmaid doesn't want to participate...

She doesn't know them. the girls message eachother to chat and such so they can kinda get to know eachother and she also doesn't respond to them. Lol I'm telling you doesn't make sense

If it's not the BMs and she participated in activities in the last wedding then there is definitely an issue going on with her that you don't know about. It may be you. It may not be. How do you know her finances? Maybe she's just not telling you she's in trouble. Did she recently go through a breakup? Fight with a friend? Fight with parents? It could literally be anything in the entire world that would make her not want to participate if she's just not in the mood.

Could there be something else going on with her? Is she pregnant? My cousin's MOH was completely non-participatory, but we found out later that she was preggers and had terrible morning sickness all day long. It was all she could do to get out of bed.

So this is where I'm at.... I'm planning for Friday breakfast then mani/pedi then we have to make the flower arrangements.... then any other last minute wedding prep and that night do the rehearsal. ill let her know where we will be and at what time and if she doesn't want to come then don't. I don't wanna deal with the bs. it's making me anxious

Maybe express to her that it would really mean a lot for her to be at those events. Maybe she's just chalking it up to so much going on that she wouldn't be missed if she didn't participate.

I'm a straight forward person- my first question if she veto'd going to everything would be.. "what's going on? This doesn't seem like you."

I could understand not wanting to get nails done, hair etc if she had to pay for it. I'm in a wedding this weekend where I have to get nails done and hair/makeup the way the bride wants, but I have to pay for it all myself which kind of cheeses me since I don't even get to pick what I wanna look like. Also I find getting nails done super unnecessary for bridesmaids and I've never even been to a nail place. All this is costing me about $250.

HOWEVER... in your case, much different. You are paying for those things which is generous, and providing breakfast. Sounds like fun to me! I may not be impressed with having to do so many wedding related things, but if you were my close friend and you were paying for it, I would be more than happy to do so. So it sounds like she's a bit of a negative nelly.

She is a social worker in the upper salary bracket as she has told me. she took a job per diem in the hospital just for experience. We talk often and see eachother often. Maybe she isn't telling me something.

She may not know the other bm's personally but maybe something was said during their messaging that rubbed her the wrong way. when i was flying solo away from the other bm's in my brothers wedding it was mainly because i didnt know the other bm's and when i tried talking to them or getting to know them, they were absolutely rude to me and i couldnt stand being near them, so to make sure the bride wouldnt have to deal with tension in the room, i stayed away

If it makes you feel any better. My FHs sister is acting the same way and simply plans on meeting us at the church for the ceremony, leaving right from the church to go home. Then meeting us at the reception. I think it is because she can't stand someone else having the spotlight for a day.

When I first read this, I thought maybe she is uncomfortable with the other bridesmaids or in new social situations. This might just be her way of managing something that's uncomfortable for her. Or maybe she feels weird that she's the only person in state and everyone else knows each other (or something else?) I would just talk to her, from a place of concern, not annoyance, to see if you can figure out what's going on.

Hmmm it's funny how they do that eh? I would talk to her. Ask her if anything is up and hiw much it would mean to you if she came. But year she doesn't sound close or interested in you wedding honestly

Doesn't sound like she's a close friend. Close friends would want to participate in this stuff - especially if you're paying. It's not required, but I think BM's should do this stuff unless they truly have a scheduling conflict here or there.

As far as getting her hair, makeup and nails done somewhere else maybe it's who she usually goes to and feels more comfortable going there.

I'm a MOH at my friends (20 yr friendship) wedding. I have to say with all the demands and expectations it is frustrating! I don't want to participate in her wedding! My time, money and my life are valuable too.

It is nice that you are paying for a lot of her expenses but you last statement is interesting... "Money isn't the problem, she has lots of it..." Even if she was a millionaire, no one should dictate how one spends their time or money. I think you need to approach her and ask her what's wrong and truly listen! Try not to get defensive or upset. Try to listen and see her side.

I have a friend who has pretty severe social anxiety. She tends to bow out of a lot of things that involve groups and tends to show up for an event right before it is about to occur and leaves as soon as it's done. Maybe she just uncomfortable

If she is a close friend, be blunt and ask her about it.

I would definitely have a talk with her. This pisses me off. I get that BM are not our little puppets or slaves or "should do" what we say, but I also think that when you accept to be a BM, you have to think that it may consist of doing activities with the bride and other BM's and such. I don't get why people agree to be a BM/MOH and they don't do their part, then they give us the brides ANOTHER thing to stress and worry about, like we don't have 1million other things to worry about. That shit makes no sense to me and it pisses me off, which at this point if I were you I would have talked to her already. I'm very impatient and dont' have time for nonsense.

I would just talk to her and make sure that she is ok. We all have that friend/party member that doesn't carry their fair share of the work. Make sure that you are open and honest about what you are needing from everyone and if she doesn't want to participate, that is on her.

I have a BM that doesn't want to do hair or makeup with us. I told her that was fine, she has to have her hair in X style, and her makeup needs to be X. I know what her deal is and why she is not wanting to participate that day and rather than fight with her about it, I'd rather make sure that the time I do have is with people that want to be there.

I cant imagine having a best friend like that?. My best girl and i talk about everything from flowers to pooping, daily. I can talk to her about anything, and have. If my bestie said no to me, other than her having her own responsibilities like her kids or work that she just couldnt get out of, i would simply say... why? I feel really bad that you dont want to be with me, whats up? And she would tell me, and we would work it out. She's like a sister to me. I just cant get my head around some of the peoples choices of bp.