Older Brides

Hi Rebecca! Congratulations!
I get it. I am 47 - and an "encore bride" to boot. I get hung up on both of those things while trying to plan. I feel like someone should write a book adressing these issues so that we can reference them while trying to plan amongst the lovely younger ladies. By the way - 37 is an amazing year and not at all old. You won't know that until you are 47. ❤😊

Getting older is not so bad if you consider the alternative- not getting older.

Rather than mourn what you don't have, what you can't do, or what seems inappropriate, do what makes you happy. Other than outright breaches of etiquette, most of what goes on at a wedding is purely a matter of choice and affects no one.

Not sure why this got filed under attire lol.

Honey, I'm 45 he's 54. Second marriage for both of us. At first I thought we'll just get married by the judge or something. Then I thought about it again and no. We're having a wedding ceremony and reception, I have a dress I had made that I ordered online that just happens to be white. Our adult children are our wedding party. We've got about 45 people invited and it's going to be a nice wedding done our way. I don't think age should have ANYTHING to do with it, this is a special symbolic day for both of you so do what you want the way you feel comfortable and however you two will be happy.

Gosh we could be sisters in a lot of what you are saying.
I'm 39, fh is 44, and we're both divorcees, no kids. I've got a lot of anxiety too and we're planing a family ... he says he only wants one because that's all we can afford. I disagree, but he agreed to reconsider after the first one is born.

We're not doing the bouquet/ garter toss, assorted obligatory dances, and other rituals. They seem contrived and I'd rather spend my time eating, drinking and mingling. We almost didn't have a bridal party, but decided to after all. I'm still wearing a fluffy dress because they make my normally tomboy heart happy, but i told my two bms to choose their own dresses. No showers, and as far as i know no bach parties planned.

I'm trying to keep it all low key, but not just because of our ages or the fact it's a second wedding - just seems that fits who we are better.

I totally identify with what you are saying! It's ok though, because we found our One who makes us happy, and while being almost 40 is disheartening at times, it's also crazy because i don't really feel that old (except when my bad knees hurt, lol)

Just keep going and make your event one that feels right for you! That's what I'm trying to do.

Okay Char, yes I do not plan on doing many of things you aren't doing lol.

Originally we planned on eloping to Hawaii, but my guilt got in the way...I'm my mom's only child (my sister and I have different mothers) and when I told her we were planning on eloping at some point, I could see how sad she was knowing I wasn't going to have an actual wedding and have her involved with things. I told her we would just have a nice reception when we come back from our honeymoon and she felt like that's rubbing it in her face. I ended up deciding that a small simple restaurant wedding in the end was something I preferred doing...not my 1st choice but a happy medium. My fiance and I were planning on paying for the wedding since we both work, but because we decided to keep the wedding local, my mom surprised us by gifting us some $$ towards the wedding so we all are happy lol.

Oh and forgot to add, we feel geriatric at times!! We stopped seeing evening movies because we are too tired, and we rarely are out after 8pm lol.

We opted out of the reception just dinner and cake after. I'm 44 and he is 43, this is my second, his first. I'm letting him have want he wants most and the invites are most of his family. We are only doing what makes us happy! I think that is the difference in age. Younger brides are doing things to make family and FH family happy. Us older brides are making ourselves happy. Just my opinion!!

The longer you stay on here the more you'll see that there are a lot of us "older" brides. I'm 41 and he's 44. It was a second marriage for both of us. We went all out but put the focus on our guests. We had a semi-DW over Christmas weekend in Sonoma and paid for our guests' accommodations. We splurged on them all weekend. I had my dearest friends as my bridesmaids and he had his brother as his groomsmen. It was extra special that my best friend from college had her 4 kids as my flower girls and ring bearer (so sweet)! They threw us a couple's shower and my girls took me out for a spa day for my bachelorette party. I had my dress and veil custom made and didn't feel like my age changed anything about how i felt as a bride.

I'm 38, he's 40. Second wedding for both of us.
We're skipping the bouquet & garter toss. As well as many of the family/father/daughter dances. We won't have a bridal party either.

Also I'm walking down the aisle alone. I'm not a fan if the traditional aspect of giving me away ... let's face it, I'm pushing 40, I've been 'away' for a long time now.

I will be 37 on our wedding day and FH is 52 (my first and his second).

There are a lot of more “traditional” aspects to the wedding/reception that we have totally done away with for our day. We are having a cocktail hour before the ceremony so our guests can have a light bite and a drink. After the ceremony, the entire reception is cocktail style. There is no dancing, no bouquet toss, no speeches, no cake cutting, no bridal party. It’s really going to be a very simple affair designed for our loved ones to gather without the wedding standards. It’s mostly a family party where we happen to get married in the middle. 😆

View Quoted Comment Haha! Glad I'm not the only one who doesn't do late movies anymore. I can't go to the movies after 7pm anymore because I doze off. We are actually night people and stay up late, but there's something about a dark room... I'm 40 and FH is 46. First marriage for both of us, no kids (We are hoping we can have one or two through whatever means). I think there are things we aren't doing because of our ages, but that's mostly because our priorities are different than they would have been 20 years ago. If younger, i likely would have felt pressure to have a larger, more traditional wedding, spend more on a dress, invite more family/friends, have a big bachelorette party, etc. Our wedding party is small with friends we have each had for 20-30 years, we're forgoing a number of the traditional activities/dances, we're having a relatively small wedding. For us the wedding is about bringing our families together, not about us. At the same time, we don't really have family pressuring us to do stuff a certain way and at 40 it's become pretty easy for me to say no.

Hey don’t give 2 cents what other people think or feel and you do what is comfortable for you. In the end you and him is all that matters. I’m 35 first time bride but I feel young n look young so I’m doing things I want. Didn’t have a Bachelorette party because my friends live 6 hrs away and we’re all busy and no bridal party cuz I have no one to throw me one so ya. However I’m ok with all that.

Hey Rebecca!!! Second time bride, early 50's and same age for first time groom. We are having a low key outdoor wedding with a lunch reception afterwards (no dance) because that is what WE want. If we had gotten married to each other when we were 25 our wedding would look the same, truthfully. I am wearing a white dress because hey - there is purity in my heart, lol! Plus I have two kids - the jig is up! My kids are my attendants, his cousin is Best Man, just a chill vibe. We are having a few short toasts, but nothing else, really. Just visiting, talking and eating!

Celebrate the way YOU TWO want to!!! It will be a great day! YOU GO GIRL!

We never thought of eloping, we wanted to celebrate with our families and friends.

I was an older bride.(42) We didn't do any of the tosses but we wouldn't have done the tosses even if I had gotten married at 21. Nobody gave me away but I did have both parents walk me down the aisle.. I had a father/daughter dance. I had bridesmaids who threw me a shower and a bachelorette. We're both low key people so we had the wedding that fit that but I didn't pass on anything just because of my age.

I'm older than most on this thread (FH and I both just turned 47), but we're still doing a lot of the traditional things. We originally wanted a small beach/destination wedding with just our immediate family, but I'm an only child and it's my first marriage (his too), and my parents would've been really hurt and disappointed by that. So, we agreed to a big wedding to have a happy occasion to celebrate with our family and friends.

I have gotten some side-eye and snide comments, especially from FMIL, about wearing a white dress and, I guess, having such a big event, but I try to not let it bother me. We're not doing garter/bouquet toss, but are doing the first dance, parent dances, cake, etc.

I can say, it's been really amazing and overwhelming feeling the love from the rest of our family and friends. I think they're so happy that we finally found each other, maybe especially because it took so long.

I’m 41 and will be 42 in June (getting married in less than a month). Similar story to you—career focused. I don’t know if what I’m doing is based on my age, though I definitely appreciate that I can pay for my own wedding and get what I want. I probably would have been less inclined to have a small wedding if I were younger. I used to suffer from FOMO before FOMO existed.

As you can see, you are not alone as "an older bride". I am 41 and FH will have just turned 45 when we marry. We are doing whatever the heck we want for this wedding. My first, his second. We wanted to go small but I am an only child, so we did give in a bit to my parents on the guest list. We are skipping some traditions like the bouquet/garter toss and line dances. We (guest inc) are just not into it. We made our wedding a weekend event with a family beach day the day after at Lake Tahoe. we adjusted some of the common language used in the ceremony such as "giving away", "obey" etc. We are most likely having a joint bachelor/bachelorette party.

Do what you and FH want and enjoy! Congrats!

I’m in the same boat- I’m 38, he’s 39. We chose small wedding parties and are skipping the garter and bouquet toss because most of our friends are already married. Some of the perks: no one has blinked an eye at “no kids”- they remember how expensive weddings are and most assumed they’re kids aren’t invited; asking our wedding party a year in advance was not a problem- we’ve now been friends for 20+ years and these relationships are not changing; being able to pay for the wedding we want.

I'm glad I'm not alone in this! Many of you are doing (or not doing) what I plan on skipping- dancing with parents, garter toss, bridal party, tossing the bouquet (I would have done that if I were younger though and had mainly single friends). No bachelor/bachelorette parties either.

I easily would have done an appetizer only reception (love that idea) but it is more expensive for us than having a meal.