Old friend requesting to be a bridesmaid

Honestly, just go with that- you've already picked your bridal party.

As I'm re-reading this... She's putting a ton of pressure onto you. It sounds like emotional blackmail to me, "you can make it up to me in one simple way". You have nothing to make up for. If your heart says let her be in the BP, then by all means do that. But if you're not sure this is the right thing to do, then don't. And do not let anyone guilt trip you or make you feel bad about your choices. She made hers. She needs to live with the relationships that suffered because of them.

Breezy she sound genuine but if I were in your situation, I would tell her you know we go way back we parted ways and it's not that I made new friends, I just afford to make any last minute changes. Everything has been set with vendors and I can't do any last minutes changes. But I would be happy to have you there as a guest.

As others have said, just tell her that the time is already past, you've already chosen bridesmaids and it is too late to add any more. But maybe you'd be willing to include her in something else, like for example if you're having a church wedding maybe she can lead the prayer or read one of the passages

Is there anyway you could incorporate her in the wedding? I totally understand your and your FH stance. Maybe ask her to help usher? Help with food, flowers?

If not hopefully she understand where your coming from, it also can't hurt to ask your parents for their advice, as they were close to her family.

Just tell her the truth- you already have your bridal party picked, but you hope that she'll be able to be there as a guest.

She left it open to "or just someone in your wedding" so you can go with that if you want to. Depending on the kind of wedding you are having she could do a reading, tend the guestbook (you'd be surprised how many people don't actually sign it, whatever form you choose to have, be it book or not) your personal attendant, maybe someone here will have an idea. Since "all the Bridesmaids positions are filled" there may be something else where she can feel a part, but if anything happens it won't be crucial to your day.

This is what I replied with..

(For those of you that can't see the letters in green, it's kind of hard to read.)

So... I already picked out my bridal party, but I would love for you to be there at the wedding as a guest still. I know that's not the answer you want and I'm sorry I can't give you more, but I have to be honest. It's not that I made new friends to replace you, but we lost touch and I can't change that.

I'm so proud of the path you've taken.

I don't know much about what you can or can't do regarding going back to Florida and I don't want to put you in a toxic environment, but we are having our wedding in LM Florida. I don't know if going there will trigger anything, and if it will it would mean more to me that you are mentally stable than for you to come and be subjected to relapse.

I would love to celebrate our wedding with you there, but it's going to have to be as a guest. I'm sorry, Nichole.

You added some words that could potentially hurt. I don't know, the mentally stable put me off a bit. I don't know that whole paragraph kind of ....maybe I'm just sensitive

She said "or anything"

If you want her included Can you make her a personal attendant? It's more of an honorary position any ways or someone whose helps you into the dress. I wouldn't give her a lot of responsibilities that way if she does flake you aren't stressing.

I'm sorry, this is a really tough situation to be in..

Just tell her no, but I would try to find something else for her to do.

I think your response was very well written, honest, and sensitive. I hope she can understand where you're coming from and doesn't escalate her response. Good luck.

We've talked about her mental stability. The area I'm getting married in is 20 minutes from her stomping grounds where she has all of her hook ups.

I don't want to be the reason for a relapse. I meant it respectfully.

Maybe I'll ask her to be a part of a reading or to help me get ready. I have to think about it.

Just give her another job to do so she still feels included. But tell her ur BP is set already. Maybe she can help get ppl seated for the reception or help with setting up decor...idk....but u have to let her know u have already chosen ur BP....

The only person responsible for a relapse is the addict and don't let anyone ever tell you anything different.

And we're having a kid free wedding... This isn't getting easier. Lol I have no clue how to respond.

You don't need to feel obligated to include her as a bridesmaid and she needs to understand she's putting you in a very tough position. If it's weighing heavy on your heart, perhaps give her another job in the wedding? Or maybe include her in your bachelorette party? I had a similar situation with my cousin. We used to be very close and I was her maid of honor but in the last 5 years or so, she's changed and therefore our relationship has changed. I know I hurt her feelings by not including her but this is YOUR day. Do what feels right to YOU and if she can't accept that, then I question her friendship with you.

Breezy, just stop texting her for today. She's going to keep adding stuff. And don't let her know the dress color. I feel like she's starting to turn into one of those people that will insert herself into the wedding and make everyone else uncomfortable- this is just an outsider's perspective, obviously. She has a ton of issues to handle. Don't take it upon yourself to make her feel better. When she gets the invite, she'll see the no-kid thing and then you can handle that at that time, too.

You have two choices: either you want her apart of your wedding and thus need to find a position like reader or greater or personal attendant.

Or you don't want her a part of it and you need to say "Sorry, Bm dresses have already been ordered. I look forward to seeing you and your husband at the wedding but just a note, it's an adults only wedding"

You've never answered the question: aside from BM do you want her in the wedding at all? Or you don't want to have her?

"Theme of the wedding is no kids!"