Old Facebook album

I absolutely see your pain in this!!! that is so uncomfortable. but i will say though - maybe she isn't aware that's up? i mean, a lot of people aren't super aware of what's still on their profiles. you can express it to your partner and have them speak to their mother to private the album or something if you feel uncomfortable.

View Quoted Comment She knows it’s there. My fiancé has spoken to her and he even tells me it’s just an album but she has spoke to me saying she won’t remove it because it was such a great day.

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Oh my gosh that's so uncomfortable i'm so sorry.

i do feel like maybe she's not disrespecting you directly but that she's not exactly being sensitive to you either. i think your fiance is trying to downplay it and in the end i do kind of think it's rude of both of them to downplay it so much - it's way easier for her to private some photos than it is for you to NOT feel uncomfortable. you can't help the way you feel.

could she at least private the album? or private the photos where his ex wife are in them?

View Quoted Comment That’s rude in my opinion, but what can you do... That’s very upsetting. Sorry, Ashley. At least your FH moved on.

I may be in the minority here, but I wouldn't get too upset over it. That was his past and his past made him who he is today, so I don't believe in deleting everything off of social media. I still have pictures of my ex and I on both my Instagram and FB. Obviously they're buried with years worth of new pictures and content, but just because we ended doesn't mean I want to "erase" my entire relationship. I guess if she's not actively flaunting it (by bringing it up and posting it as memories), I wouldn't really care. If she begins to repost those pictures, then I would definitely have your FH intervene with his mother because that's overstepping the line.

Unfriend your MOH
Try not to overthink
Live your best life !Remain positive leading up to your special day ! And beyond !

Report the album block and report her im spiteful and wont even use facebook

View Quoted Comment You can’t report the album, because of this reason. It’s just that as a MIL she should’ve deleted it out of empathy. She can keep the album “privately”, without deleting it if that’s a better solution.

It would make me uncomfortable as well, and it sounds like she's doing it out of spite if she knows it makes you uncomfortable and doesn't care to take it down. I'd just bring it up to your FH again and see what he thinks.

Ugh! That's rude of her. They obviously divorced for a reason. No reason to keep those memories or at least shared publicly. My family voluntarily took down all photos of my prior marriage upon entering a serious relationship. I was very thankful, but my mom still had some old pics of exes of mine on her FB and I spoke with her several times to delete them. Finally I had to SNAP. She then deleted them lol. I wish your FH was backing you knowing how uncomfortable it makes you... If its not an option, as PP said, I'd block her and try to move on.. Although that doesn't help the thought of how little she respects you. (MIL troubles over here too who has zero respect for me and her son). Sorry you're going through this! I hope with time it gets better!

I still have my previous marriage albums on FB. Honestly I never really thought about it, but if my FH said it made him uncomfortable I would absolutely remove it. I think it's rude that she knows it bothers you and refuses to do anything about it, but I'm not sure there's really much you can do.

Probably an unpopular view, but I don't think you have any right to decide what is on your FMIL Facebook pages and albums, any more than she has a right to tell you who or what you can choose for your wedding decisions. She is FI mother, and will be your MIL, yes. But she lived through the time when her son was involved with this first wife, and did accept her as family, and built a relationship. Accepted their marriage, and likely it was a big day in her life. The fact that her son and his wife fell out of love or fought or whatever isn't anything they had her permission to do. She had to accept the fact of their divorce. But she does not have to erase several years of happiness, or any current good feelings she has about her former DIL, just because you are on the scene now. Maybe after your wedding, she will put another album of pictures up, her son and you , all the wedding stuff
And will have another chapter in her life added to her pages. But that does not mean she needs take down previous chapters if she wants to remember them. It has nothing to do with you. She is posting about her life, things that are or were important to her, on her Pages. If you don't like seeing them, never turn to her pages. There is no reason to erase, or take down, her memories, for you. And absolutely no disrespect it remember in past happiness before you came along. I think you need to be respectful of her boundaries, and recognize that her Facebook pages are about her, not her son, not you. It is not up to anyone else to pick and choose her memories.

View Quoted Comment Considering her previous daughter in law hates her I’m not sure why she would want to keep the album. She will flat out tell people she hated the in law.

View Quoted Comment It means something to FMIL, and it is her Facebook page. Let it go. I am pretty sure you feel no need to have her permission or approval for your Facebook pages, or wedding website, or anything else. They are yours, and your decisions to make about what you post. Why concern yourself about her stuff? Why care what she does or thinks. It is clear you don't like her. Let it go.

View Quoted Comment This is such a lovely response - Thank you ❤️

Speaking as a divorced person, with some friends and family who still have my first wedding photos on social media, I don't think you should let this get to you. You really have no right to control what pics other people show on their page, especially when you're not even in them. Plus, like it or not, that's part of your fiance's past and helped make them the person you love now. It seems a little silly to take offense to part of their past.

If FMIL is as spiteful as you say, it probably IS intentional, but she can only get to you with this if you let her. The surest way to irritate her is say nothing and act like you don't care about it.

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I mostly agree with this. If your FMIL is reposting those photos or bringing them up that would be disrespectful, but to have them there buried in the background is including a part of history. It doesn't have to make you comfortable, but I don't know that you really have a right to ask her to remove them, even if they are set to public. If anything, I'd think your husband's ex-wife would have more of a reason to want them removed since she appears in them.

Way back when I had an ex that would periodically bug me to remove photos of him from Facebook. He was not tagged in any of them, he and I weren't FB friends, and all of my albums were set to private. However, he'd find me on messenger and ask me to remove them because he said his current girlfriend didn't like them. I never met his girlfriend, and since he wasn't tagged and we didn't have any friends in common the only way she could even find them was by stalking my Facebook profile and seeing photos that had been my previous profile pics from years prior (since those photos and cover photos generally remain public). My ex was in most of my photos for an entire three year period of my life, and I wasn't willing to just erase all of them because they made his stalker girlfriend uncomfortable. Now if I had been reposting those photos and using them as current profile pics that would have been weird and my ex would have been in the right to ask me not to do so, but in no way was I forcing his girlfriend to dig through my FB profile to find evidence of our past.

Also, I don't know the specific situation here, but I'll throw out there that both myself and my FH have very few photos of us with our parents at all past childhood, and the ones we have are bad and definitely not anything you'd put in a frame or display in your home. In general, I think a lot of older people just take fewer photos of themselves, and most families take few "family photos" of older couples with their adult children. It may be that these are some of the only photos she has of her with her adult son, or of them together looking nice for an occasion. I'm sure his mom likes the idea of having photos of her and her son all dressed up, even if it's from a previous wedding. Growing up, my best friend and I went to different schools but ended up dating friends from the same school and were able to go to a prom together. We still look at those photos - not because of our boyfriend's at the time - but because it was such a fun memory for the two of us!

At our wedding (if we actually get to have one) I'm going to have the photographer do a few "one side of family only" photos - just me with my fam and just my FH with his, that way we have those separate photos. I'm not planning on getting divorced, but I could see his sister, for example, wanting a photo of just her and her brother and parents, and I'm fine with that!

Also, keep in mind it is possible that once you and your fiance are married the photos from your wedding will replace those old ones from his previous marriage, as his mom will have new "dress up" photos and good memories to look back on. I'm sorry the photos are upsetting you, but I would try not to take it too personally.

If it bothers you I would discuss it with her in private, and explain to her that it makes you uncomfortable, or however it makes you feel! If you can't talk to your future fam about small issues like this then I feel like there will be much bigger problems in the marriage down the road.

Ok so maybe I'm not the norm but its memories. maybe she liked the day it was special to her. It's ok its his past which lead him to you. let it go stay off the MIL's page why are you lurking through her albums. He choose you and even if she wants to have a relationship with the ex that is ok. Why does she have to divorce the ex and her memories because you came along. Out of empathy really??? I'm sorry I'm not agreeing with you on this one. You have the man you love and it shouldn't matter what the MIL has on HER FACEBOOK public or private its hers she cant tell you what to post what to tag its hers you can only control her son not her. I think you are reaching here. Sorry to be the debby downer but this isn't a real battle worth fighting.

View Quoted Comment I’m not lurking her albums. She shares pictures from it often. And it’s none of her and the family it’s him and his ex. His ex has even requested she stop. The ex actually doesn’t like her. The ex hasn’t spoken to her in 5 years other than asking to stop sharing pictures of them from the wedding.