Officiant rules

I've emailed back and forth with my officiant but we haven't met face to face.

The majority of my weddings are destination weddings. They check into their hotels on the weekend, go to the courthouse on Monday to get their license, and I marry them any day that week. There usually is not an opportunity to meet beforehand. But, I'm available by phone and e-mail to answer any questions they may have and to ask any that I may have. I e-mail them a form to provide me with the info I need to put together a ceremony for them.

On my website are pics of me and even a condensed video of one of my weddings. So, they can see what I look and sound like. Unlike my avatar, I do not have 8 feet (wouldn't that make me a spider?)!

Like Celia, I'm frequently asked by guests, "How long have you known the couple?" They are surprised when I reply that I just met them (face-to-face).

Oh, and I just booked a wedding for next June, so it is not too early to book your officiant (if you have your date nailed down with your venue).

Mailena,

I would suggest that you meet with your officiant a few times at least before your wedding date. You will be more comfortable and it will be more personal if you have time to build a relationship.

There is also another thing to consider here; if you're using a pastor or minister from a church or a rabbi from a temple they MIGHT do 10 weddings a year.

I did 128 last year personally. It's all that I do.

It makes a difference.

I have seen this as well from officiants I have looked into. I don't feel comfortable booking someone I have not met in person. I would be so paranoid that the officiant would be late, or drunk, or lost, or just a complete dud. I suppose some of those things could happen regardless if you met them or not but it just makes me more comfortable seeing someone in person first. You officiant drives your entire ceremony so it would be a shame to have a dud officiating your marriage ceremony.

I think this is normal. I "interviewed" 4 officiants, 2 of which I spoke to on the phone, and the person we chose was via Skype with video.

Ooh I was wondering this too! We said we wanted to do our Pre-Marital Classes in person with ours after he said most use skype.

Drunk, late dud officiants?

Then you didn't do your research.

Sorry, duplicate.

Lauren, a pro has his/her reputation on the line, unlike Uncle Phil who may get cold feet about officiating, get drunk, be late, or get lost.

I never drink before a ceremony (sometimes join in a champagne toast after), allow plenty of time to get to the ceremony venue, and get directions if I have not been there before.

If any of you can't meet your officiant beforehand, read their reviews. Other couples will tell you if the officiant was late, drunk, etc.

Ok, so Im on the right path, lol. Thanks a lot guys, this wedding planning deal is ridiculous.

Rachel, that just doesn't really make sense. I would rather have an officiant with rave reviews, who works every weekend and even some weekdays, than one who hardly does any and is awkward and not personable. Even if the pastor or whatever "knew" me better, I can already tell my booked officiant is a much better fit than I would have found trying to find a church to fit me and my fiance.

EDIT: Just because someone officiates a hundred weddings a year doesn't mean they don't meet or talk to whoever they are officiating for, and because they do it so often they are pros.

I did not meet my officiant, but based on the recommendation from my venue, years and years of experience, great reviews, videos and our long telephone conversation I feel confidant in my choice. I agree with the others who said if you make sure you get a professional and research them, you should be fine without meeting. Meeting the officiant beforehand would not necessarily make them not be a "dud" or late or whatever...

I think it's important to meet or at least some form of video chat (as Celia stated). I had the opportunity to meet with 3 different officiants and most of them had offered me a full "meet and greet" through Skype! See if they could at least offer the video chat?!

Most of my couples do not ask to meet prior to the wedding. We normally "meet" via emails and occasionally, phone calls. When they do ask to meet, it's no problem, and I normally meet them for coffee or iced tea for 20 minutes or so.

They can read a lot about my values on my website, read my reviews, and then get to see how I treat them as we email back and forth.

As Rachel said, there is no right or wrong answer. It's what your comfort level is.

I was booked last summer for a Halloween wedding this year. The bride and I hit it off over email, and then we met over iced tea, and we were both comfortable (well, we already were). It's a steampunk costume wedding. I'm looking forward to it. And I will be in costume.

However, my other weddings this year - for officiant, planning, and floral design - I did not meet or speak to until the day of the wedding. And it was just fine! We conversed via email and we had confidence in each other.

We met ours over coffee. He interviewed us as a couple as much as we interviewed him. He is a retired minister and told us he doesn't marry couples he does not think will make it. He also offers premarital counseling if we want. I feel so assured meeting our officiant and we knew right away that we wanted him to marry us! Even though we are not getting married in a church, we want our ceremony to be special and I have not worried about it since that meeting! Good luck!

I did not meet my officiant (a judge) in person before the wedding, and only talked to her for a minute on the phone the day before so she could confirm the exact place our ceremony was taking place. Everything was set up through her receptionist. Granted, I wanted an extremely short, basic ceremony, but she did a fabulous job. I have no reason to believe that if I wanted something more personal that she wouldn't have done a great job with that.

IMO, a true professional will be able to do their job without spending a lot of face time with you.

We are planning our wedding long distance (we live in Tucson, AZ and are getting married in Pacific Grove, CA). This summer we did a family vacation to the Monterey/Pacific Grove area. In addition to fun family stuff we did wedding planning (not sure how often we'll be able to go back and forth). We met with 2 officiants. One was a little off put by us planning so early, the other had no problem at all. Along with meeting face to face we got to build a comfort level. We're going with the second one because he was just that wonderful, and fit and understood our personalities. We had our daughters (who are in the wedding) with us, and they also love our choice. I think at the least if you can't meet with them, then call or Skype, just to get that vibe.

Rachel, go and read my reviews; (not all of them, it'll take you all day). Almost every one of them comments on how personal an experience it was. You have no idea how my process works; each wedding is made up of about 12-15 hours of communication and I am available 24/7 to my couples to talk about vows, readings, license fine points, and then followup. Please don't characterize what I do as a factory situation, since you clearly haven't spoken to anyone like me.

We don't "turn out" weddings every weekend. Part of what makes my officiants so incredibly good is that the have the chance to write so many ceremonies, with so many different couples and so many different family/religious/non-religious situations. We don't show up and read the same stuff we read last week, though many busier officiants do.

The bold-face fact of the matter is that a professional officiant, who does this full time (and incidentally, will give you much better, faster service than part timers ) has to do upwards of 100 ceremonies a year to make a living. If you want a hobbyist, you'll find you have a different kind of experience. Is it more 'personal"? It depends on how you would categorize that.

And on another note, Shauna, I'm glad you liked him, but how cavalier to think HE can decide who might or might not make it and thus decide to marry them or not. . Couples have different chemistry, and that is not for the officiant to judge.

We met our officiant the day of, but had a phone meeting initially and did everything else via email. It was fine.