Officiant rules

Hey welcome! Change your profile pic from the rings so you will get better feedback. I was at a wedding for a friend who didn't meet their officiant until the day of..he ended up being late. I think a lot of people do not meet an online officiant before but I would. ETA: I see your pic now

Hi Mailena - don't forget to change your avatar to something other than rings - people associate that with trolls, and you'll get more posts if you replace them with something else.

I would NOT not meet the officiant! Ours offers Skype sessions if you can't meet him in person for some reason, but he REQUIRED it, and I'd expect that, personally. It doesn't mean that the officiants weren't really 5-star officiants, rather I would guess that means the people who booked them had other priorities/criteria than what you do.

Stick to your guns, look at the officiants websites and see how they write, what they say, and then keep looking... if they don't want to meet first, don't bother with them because for you that's not what you want. You seem to want some kind of connection with the officiant, and I don't blame you! We did, too. And we LOVED our guy - best homily ever. If you're in the DC area, he's Jim Burch, and he's one of the top rated and featured on WW.

I would say unless you are having a very short and sweet or cookie cutter ceremony, yes - most will want to meet with you. I only emailed one, we met with him and his wife, and we adore them. Maybe they are confused why you want to meet this soon, though? Your wedding is over a year away. I met with our officiant at the end of May, so just about a year out, and he said he had just started meeting with a couple other spring brides.

Mailena, I'm not an officiant, but I am a human being. I would not be comfortable meeting with the officiant on the day of my wedding. You need to know if you feel chemistry with the person who will be conducting the most important part of your day -- the ceremony joining you together legally as husband and wife. Some people can write beautiful emails and ceremonies, but when it comes to performing at your wedding, they might be horrible (and it is, on a basic level, a performance -- an officiant needs all of the skills inherent in public speakers who can hold the attention of a crowd).

Many officiants do Skype interviews and consults. It makes it easier for everyone as most couples work full time and their down time is seriously limited. It would be best to meet face to face, but if that isn't possible, at least ask for a Skype consultation so that you can familiarize yourself with the officiant. You need a personal connection with this very important figure. If they're not willing to do that, pass on them.

Thanks guys! We are in the process of saving/ looking for a house by next March and we aren't the best at planning so we are just trying to get these kind of things out of the way. Also, I will be the MOH in my best friends wedding May 2016, and she will also be the MOH in my wedding so there is a lot going on at once. Seems early for this stuff I know, I just don't want to go insane while planning.

Getting married the day after you and I have almost every vendor booked. Don't apologize for being ahead! You need to be looking for officiants now. It's one of the first pieces you book!

Stick around, Mailena. Keep us updated on the planning. There's nothing wrong with crossing off items from your wedding "to do" list, even if the wedding is 16 months away (it will fly by). If you hang around, you'll have lots of brides (and vendors) counting down the days until your wedding. You'll make a bunch of on-line friends who are as excited about your wedding as you are. Vent, update, ask questions...whatever. You've found a great site filled with excellent people.

NJBride2016, cool! Ive heard that Im doing too much too early but those people arent married, engaged, or wedding planners, so thx. None of the officiants we emailed were opposed to meeting us at all, but just seemed like it was weird I asked. One is doing a wedding at our venue the month before our date and apparently they were fine with booking her already and meeting her the day of. To each his own I guess.

Sorry if you thought I was saying you shouldn't do things early - I'm on the early bus too! I just was pointing out that could maybe be the confusion. I had family members who didn't want anything other than the standard ceremony though so they just met a few days before and the day of; I definitely get wanting something more personal and was wholeheartedly committed to meeting whoever we picked. Hope your planning and house buying goes well!

Don't apologize for being ahead; I just booked the weekend after yours yesterday. Ahead is better than behind and good officiants book up fast.

Now, on to the question. I used to meet everyone we marry (I have a group of six officiants; we marry upwards of 300 couples a year) in person, but the reality of my couples' and my officiants' lives has made this rare, (plus we work with couples from all over the world....) I think I met two couples in person in the last six months.

More often, we schedule a nice, relaxed Skype or Face Time video call (I'm prepared to spend at least an hour and go over the ceremony in detail) on an evening or a rare weekend that I'm not working. My personality, my delivery, my sense of humor comes through loud and clear, and I think 281 five star reviews here underscores that. If they are working with another of my officiants, we schedule a second Skype or FaceTime with them too.

If a couple really wants to meet me after we've Skyped, I am happy to try to do that, but we are so busy every weekend (as any good officiant should be) that by the time it can happen, I'm very often booked.

The bottom line is your comfort and confidence, and a good officiant should make you feel that way instantly, as in from the first time you call, as in the first time you look at their website, as in you "click". Not unlike you and your fiance, as corny as that sounds.

You'll know when you found the right one; don't let the lack of an in person meeting get in the way, but definitely do a video call and take all the time you need with them.

Our officiant normally met with couples. The only reason he didn't meet with us was that we live in Maryland, and he's in Massachusetts. So he sent us lists of questions, corresponded by e-mail, talked to us on the phone, etc., to make up for not being able to meet with us. We checked out his web page. And then he came by the place we were staying the night before the wedding to meet and talk with us in person.

Ours was a rabbi, so he was probably more conscientious than a normal wedding officiant. But I think I'd want at least to talk with an officiant before deciding to go with him.

I started looking at venues within 2 weeks of being engaged. Things book so quickly! There was no way that I was going to miss out on the vendors I wanted by waiting.

Also, we were in your boat. We decided to have FH's uncle get ordained online and marry us. I just wasn't comfortable with someone we didn't know doing the service. I would definitely require a meeting!

I started looking at venues within 2 weeks of being engaged. Things book so quickly! There was no way that I was going to miss out on the vendors I wanted by waiting.

Also, we were in your boat. We decided to have FH's uncle get ordained online and marry us. I just wasn't comfortable with someone we didn't know doing the service. I would definitely require a meeting!

I met our officiant to see his portfolio and to see if we would mix well together. He suggested it. I feel confident in our choice. Im not tech savvy, i probably would feel safe with skype.

I started planning in February. I had my venue booked in march, my dress in may, my bridesmaids dresses in may, my photographer, DJ, and caterer in April. My officiant is my cousin. We are six months out and she wants to meet to go over vows, readings and the ceremony. For me I would want someone special. I thought about becoming an officiant because that's such an amazing piece of the wedding.

I know this isn't normal, but in California you can have a friend deputized for a day, meaning they can marry you. Maybe check if your state has this as an option? It will be about the same price (maybe a bit cheaper), but way more personal

The whole "I don't want a stranger to marry me" think has been discussed her a million times. A really good officiant is not going to feel like a stranger; in fact, they will take so much time learning your story and writing your ceremony well, they may know you better than some of your relatives. Many, many of my reviews mention that the guests thought I was family....

There is also something else to consider; your ceremony is (in theory) the most important and FIRST part of the day. It needs to be constructed well, delivered well and legally filed. That person needs to captivate the room, entertain and inspire, and write a ceremony that is not only legal, but good storytelling. Very few people can do this well; I spend a lot of time covering relatives who have bailed.

This is not to say that it's impossible for a relative to marry you; in many states they can get legal in a heartbeat. Your guests will be more forgiving because they know it's Uncle Phil. But it just might not be the best choice.

It a little like (and unlike) the "I'd love to have my uncle cater the wedding; he's a great chef". That's only one part of the skill set, and very often when it becomes evident that it was a bad choice, it's too late.

I'm with you-- I think it's important to meet your officiant before hand to make sure your personalities mesh! Actually, the officiant is one of the few vendors we met with in person before we booked!

Our officiant actually required that we meet with him before he would agree to marry us. In addition, he also wants to do 3 counseling sessions as well, before we get married. He's a Reverend so that makes sense. I can't imagine the awkwardness of having a stranger (if you've never met them) marrying you. It's so strange to me that the ones you've researched haven't required meeting... But yes op, you are definitely correct!

I met with all of my vendors before I booked with them. One thing brides have to understand is most wedding vendors are busy on the weekends. It's not that don't won't meet with you. It's that most time brides want to me on a weekend. If you want to meet with your vendors especially during wedding season be prepared to take a day or two off of work during the week to do so. Once I told my vendors I was able to meet during day on a weekday all of them was open to it.