Officiant first meeting

Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't Catholic ceremonies have to be performed in the church? If you're meeting with a priest, they may not be able to marry you unless you change venues.

Apparently he is an ex-Catholic priest so he does ceremonies outdoors. Not quite as strict as a priest in a church. And yea, my family is paying for 80% of the wedding so their opinion matters. Also we are driving 2 hours away to meet him. He is located 1.5 hours from our venue. Wondering what sort of questions he will ask?

Yeah, we are going through pre cana and you cannot have a valid catholic ceremony if it is outdoors. We were nervous about the first meeting as well given my FH is atheist and im Catholic. Be prepared that at a later meeting you will take the FOCCUS test. Its not difficult nor uncomfortable. They just want to know that you have had the conversations that married couples have. We also (arlington diocese) have to attend a conferece with other engaged couples for pre cana. It shouldnt be an issue that he isnt religious but it can really just depend on the preist and how strick he is on the beliefs of the couple.

If your family is adamant about a Catholic ceremony and is paying for the vast majority of the wedding, how are they going to take the news that you will not be having a Catholic ceremony? I'd be more concerned about that if I were you.

I think you need to have some real conversation with your family and FH about what you, he, and they want. As for the meeting, most officiants are just looking to get to know you, ask you why now, talk about how and what the ceremony will look like. Don't worry about that too much- if you're honest with him, it will go fine.

I believe you can have a Catholic ceremony outdoors if it is at a shrine. But those aren't terribly common imo

Where do you live OP...I'm curious to find a similar kinda guy.

You need to have a couple of conversations. A real Catholic priest is not going to marry you outside at your venue. There are plenty of people who are escaped priests, priests of the ancient church of the mortally embarrassed....all kinds of guys who will SAY they are Catholic priests, but as sacraments go, that doesn't fly. It won't be a sacrament. It'll be a Catholic flavored ceremony, but it's a little like light beer.

It's not about being 'not strict'....it's about not really being a Catholic ceremony, which it won't be.

You could have a civil ceremony and then get your union blessed in a convalidation, but this route? As Catholic ceremonies go, you might as well have us do it.

^^^^ "Catholic flavored" best comment!

I ran into the same issue. I am Catholic, my FH isn't. He has no desire to get married in a church or convert. However, my parents really pushed for a Catholic priest. In the end, we found a Reverend to perform our ceremony. He's also an "ex Catholic priest" that left the priesthood to get married. He didn't try to BS us, flat out told us that our marriage would be seen as legal by the Catholic church, but not sacramentally valid. However, we are able to get the marriage blessed by the Catholic church after we are married, it's just a matter of proving we were both baptized as Christians and have a valid marriage license. That was good enough for me. My parents still aren't thrilled, but quite frankly - oh well. It's my wedding, the ceremony will still be lovely, and at the end of the day...we'll be married.

ETA - deleted double post.

Just be yourselves! Make sure to bring your paperwork (baptismal certificate, etc). A deacon is officiating our ceremony so he asked us where we lived, my home parish and then conducted a pre-nuptial interview. It was a series of yes/no questions about marriage that my FH and I had to answer aloud. We did have the choice to do the interview separately but we decided to do it together. The Deacon also mentioned that we need to take pre-Cana classes (which we will be doing at the beginning of February) and then during our final meeting before the wedding we will discuss ceremony details (vows, readings, etc.)

This is one of those moments where you need to take a big step back and ask yourself if their financial assistance is truly worth it. Conceding to having yellow napkins instead of white ones because mom and dad are paying is a whole different ball game from someone feeling forced to have their marriage ceremony be a religious when they're not observant. I would feel insulted by your parents if I were your FH. If I were in your position, I would turn down the help and save up so we could have the wedding that we want.

I'm totally okay with having a "Catholic flavored" ceremony that is not "truly" Catholic. My parents and fiance are fine with this as well. I was hoping to get a convalidation at a later date. We've just recently moved to this state (DE) after moving around for the past 3 years. Not sure how I'd obtain a baptismal certificate...he didn't ask us for any documents of proof.

If you do need any documents, I'm sure you can call the church where you were baptized and arrange them to be sent to the current church

Again....where are you Kathleen P? I have an officiant at my home church (the Pastor and I have known each other for years), but FH is Catholic and I would love, for his sake, if a priest or "priest" would come and co-officiate. That wouldn't happen, I know, because it's not a Catholic Church we are marrying in. But- just curious. No one's pushing for it otherwise.

Talk to your officiant about incorporating in religious touches to please your family, if it's okay with you and your FH. There are definitely ways to have a religious ceremony without it being in a church. Some of DH's family (also Catholic) were concerned about our ceremony being outside and not in a church, but I think they were pleased that it was still a religious ceremony (DH and I are religious, just didn't get married in a church). However, if you or your FH don't want those religious touches, then stick to it. It's YOUR ceremony, not your family's. Now that I'm married, I truly understand how important the ceremony is. It really needs to be personal and special to you and your FH!

Um....where do your fiance's wishes for the ceremony come into this pageant?

So far, it's all about your parents and putting on what is truly a pageant; a Catholic style ceremony that is not truly Catholic; it's play acting done by someone who is not a priest. And anyone who truly IS Catholic will know it.

There is so much down talk about people here who get married first, secretly and then have a big ceremony for their friends; they're called 'liars'.

This is the ultimate lie. It's totally different to have a religious ceremony than a Catholic one.

My FH and I were both raised catholic, had all our sacrements. I was married once before (not by the church, so, according to the church I was not married and have not broken any sacrements.

HOWEVER

I have left the catholic church.

Our venue is outdoors and, according to the priest, we cannot marry outside the church and have it count as a valid catholic marriage.

HOWEVER (again)

we can have what's called a Convalidation Proces (blessing of the marriage) after the legal ceremony. It would occur within the year of the legal signing of the license and validates the marriage in the eyes of the catholic church from the beginning of our marriage, not just from the time of the blessing. Its like a vow renewal that occurs in the church.

My FMIL is highly religious and so is my mother. They were both *thrilled* that we would be fully validated by the church (the priest knows I'm no longer catholic)

I am almost certain Catholic priests only perform ceremonies at the church. I am getting married in a Catholic Church and I didn't even ask since I didn't think it was possible.