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Chelsea W.
Dedicated October 2020

Officiant dilemma – advice needed!

Chelsea W., on May 21, 2019 at 7:00 PM

Posted in Wedding Ceremony 28

A little backstory: My fiancé and I hired an officiant we found on WW for our October 2019 wedding back in December 2018. The contract agreement was for us to pay the officiant fee (50% up front to hold the date), remaining 50% on the wedding day, a hotel room for the night of the wedding, and...

A little backstory: My fiancé and I hired an officiant we found on WW for our October 2019 wedding back in December 2018. The contract agreement was for us to pay the officiant fee (50% up front to hold the date), remaining 50% on the wedding day, a hotel room for the night of the wedding, and travel to and from the venue (he’s coming 1.5 hours away from where we’re getting married.) He would arrive 1.5 hours before the ceremony on the wedding day, perform the ceremony, and possibly stay for the reception dinner.

In February 2019 my fiancé and I decided to push our wedding back to October 2020 to allow ourselves more time to plan and more time to save money. We notified our officiant of our change in plans as soon as we made the decision and asked if he would be willing to transfer the paid deposit to our new date, as our venue and catering did with no problem.

He told us via email that he was cool with moving the deposit to the new date, but didn’t send us a new contract reflecting that. This past weekend we followed up with a request that he send us an updated contract with the new date so we could sign it and make our change official. He wrote back, “Please see attachment below. There is a small update.”

We printed the new contract with our new date and cross-compared it to our old contract.

The change is this – He now wants a hotel room for two nights – the night before the wedding and the night of the wedding for two people. In our contract he wrote, “I ask for a double night stay at the hotel since I do not want to travel back home in the evening. When I do destination weddings, they are usually for two nights, no other meals, etc. I do not know if anyone will travel with me at this point, but can we leave that option open?”

It’s important to note that we’re getting married on a Saturday, 1.5 hours away from where he lives. Would you consider that to be a destination wedding? Also, he had no intention of going to the rehearsal before the wedding. I’m not sure if that is now his intention.

I’m not sure if this is normal or not, especially since he isn’t my childhood priest or my fiancé’s childhood pastor. He’s a stranger at this point who was hired to do a service. I kind of feel like we’re being taken advantage of, like we’re paying for a weekend getaway.


Any advice/thoughts/feedback will be greatly appreciated!

28 Comments

  • thisismrsb
    Expert June 2019
    thisismrsb ·
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    Maybe you can tell him that the second night is outside of your budget for an officiant, especially since he has already declined to attend the rehearsal diner, which you would have paid him for. If he is not attending the rehearsal dinner, then there is no need to pay for a two night stay for him. Maybe he forgot that he had declined the rehearsal?
    • Reply
  • Tris
    Expert August 2019
    Tris ·
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    So glad you made that decision. If you don't feel comfortable with him or the contract imagine how awkward it would be for him to officiate such a big day in your life.

    I agree that he was out of bounds. 1.5 hours isn't very far. So weird!
    • Reply
  • Andrea
    Master January 2021
    Andrea ·
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    Wow, what a crazy situation. As some pps have mentioned, it seems that this officiant wants to have a mini vacation. 1.5 hours is not a destination and for 2 nights? 2 nights??? LOL oh heck no, doesn't make sense. Sorry you've had to go through with this. I hope everything worked out for you, have you been able to secure another officiant?

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  • L
    Savvy August 2020
    Leslie ·
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    I would get a different officiant. This screams sketchy to me and he is supposed to perform a service for you, not use your wedding as a personal vacation weekend. I would try to get the deposit back but bottom line is to just walk away from this guy.
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  • Lyndsay
    Dedicated September 2020
    Lyndsay ·
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    I just had to pay for travel for an officiant that will have to travel to provide his services. There were no mention of a hotel room and if there was I would not be ok with that. Maybe try having a candid conversation with this gentlemen and explain that while you are all for paying reasonable costs what he has asked for was a bit over the line. What amount did you give for a deposit? Is is feasible to walk away from it? If you decline an additional nights stay would he still perform the services he agreed to?

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  • Chelsea W.
    Dedicated October 2020
    Chelsea W. ·
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    ** UPDATE - We got our deposit back! We sent a professional email stating we did not agree to those terms in our original signed contract and with the sudden change in requirements we asked for our deposit back. To our surprise he mailed us a check for the deposit amount and there were no issues with it!

    So, if anyone has any suggestions for an officiant in the Philadelphia area please let us know.

    Thanks again for all of the feedback on the post!
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  • Torrie
    Beginner May 2022
    Torrie ·
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    Cut the loss and find somebody you vibe off. This guy is shadyyyy
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  • J
    Master October 2022
    Jana ·
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    1.5 hr drive is not a destination that requires a hotel stay. It's a regular daily commute for many people. Either get that resolved asap or eat the deposit and find someone local. Thumbtack.com has suggestions for your area.
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