Officiant dilemma – advice needed!

That seems very odd. Our officiant is traveling about 1.5 hours as well and he is performing the ceremony then driving back home. He will be attending the rehearsal and we had to pay extra for him to, but that was fine by us. We told him he was welcome to attend our reception or rehearsal dinner along with his wife, but he felt that it was our time to be with our family and politely declined. I have never heard of an officiant requiring you to pay for his hotel room or anything like that.

Yeah, I have never heard of am officiant requiring hotel stay. And 1.5 hours is not a destination wedding. I understand a slight upcharge for travel, but not a hotel room. That's crazy.

Sounds too shady to me. See if you can get your deposit back. You have plenty of time to find someone else. An hour and a half isn’t a destination wedding. I think he is trying to play you guys for a free trip.

That's a little too much in my opinion. Agree with PPs.

Yeah, that's weird. My photographer is traveling 2 hours each way, and while she has a travel fee (understandably!), she didn't ask for a hotel room or anything of the sort.

I would push back at least on the second night and second person. Since you originally agreed to one night, I don't know how much you'll be able to renegotiate that. But if you don't want or need him for the rehearsal, there's absolutely no need for a second night. And a second person? Almost every place I've worked with a travel policy has the rule that you can bring along your spouse/kids/whatever, but any extra expenses you incur for them (plane tickets, hotel rooms, etc) are covered solely by the employee in question. That should be how it is for him too - if he wants to bring another person a whole 1.5 hours away, he can pay for them. Not you.

I would find someone else. You’ll likely lose your deposit, but I wouldn’t agree to that unless the wedding was really late in the day and/or they had night driving issues. What are his reviews like?

Get that deposit back if you can and find someone else. He seems a bit shady for sure.

That seems like you are being taken advantage of. I wouldn't necessarily call 1.5 hours away a "destination" wedding! I would also think it's his duty to be at the rehearsal, just seems very odd. Is it too late to get your deposit back and look for another officiant?

I’d fire him

This seems really shady to me. Seems like he is trying to have a weekend away. I have NEVER heard of an officiant requiring for the bride and groom to pay for their hotel stay.
I could obviously see something like its requires you feed them, but a hotel stay for 2 nights? No

Is the second person staying in the room, or getting a separate room? Because 2 rooms for 2 nights would be a definite no for me.
I would also require them to come to the rehersal if they are coming and staying the night before.

I dont know that he's trying to screw you over, but his requests are very odd.

I would find someone else. Sorry you have to deal with that but definitely worth it to find someone who isn’t going to do that to you

Find someone else.. I agree with a lot of the other brides that have already commented. Better to lose a deposit then spends hundreds on this person..

Yea I agree, that us odd. 1.5 hours is hardly a destination wedding.. I agree that yes, possible extra money for travel, but not a 2 night stay. Sounds shady.. Get your $$ back if you can and get someone else. Good luck

View Quoted Comment He had previously said a full/queen bed (?) so I’m assuming he’s now asking for 1 room, 2 nights.

My friend said the same thing - maybe consider giving him a hotel for the Friday night only if he attends the actual rehearsal earlier that day.

View Quoted Comment His reviews are amazing and that’s the most frustrating part. He apparently gets to know his couples and makes the ceremony extremely personalized. We talked for two hours via FaceTime to “meet” since I live 4 hours away and couldn’t meet in person. He was so nice. He has a 5.0 rating and has been awarded the WW Couples Choice Awards every year from ‘13-‘19.

This just seems really weird and not like the same person I spoke with.

Sounds like someone wants a free mini vacay. My officiant is also traveling but they have an additional fee for their travel ($50). We invited them to stay for the reception and they will go home afterwards. Seems sketchy to me.

My officiant did none of this.

My officiant charged a flat fee upfront. Her contract didn't have any conditions like hotel rooms, travel, or food. She did make a request for a single parking spot.... But while limited is free. It was the dead average for the area rate.

She also gave me a 14k words word document to read to give ideas to personalize the ceremony... This was a tad overwhelming. I didn't have to memorize or read it all but it's here are samples document and a rough outline.

And we still need to schedule a Skype meeting. We're dropping the ball on our end on that but meh. We got time.

If I were in your situation, I would cut my losses and find another officiant (of course only if you can afford to). That's super sketchy and you are definitely being taken advantage of. Is he elderly? Then I could understand about the hotel room for one night. But 1.5 hours is certainly not a destination wedding, in my opinion, and now all of a sudden he wants a second night at a hotel and with a guest of his own? I wouldn't was someone to officiate my wedding when the thought of them puts the taste of vinegar in my mouth.

Thanks so much everyone for your feedback! My FH and I are going to be looking for someone else to officiate our wedding.