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Savvy October 2020

Officiant advice

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Kristin, on June 7, 2019 at 7:29 AM

Hi everyone, wanted to get some opinions. FH and I have been planning to have a close friend officiate our wedding. She knows us very well, and I know she'd find a way to blend sweetness with a little humor during the ceremony.
However, FH's father thinks our ceremony might be less dignified with her as an officiant, and suggests we use a minister. FH and I are not churchgoing people, so no minister would have the relationship with us that our friend has. Plus, our friend is quite liberal while FH's father is more conservative. He likes her fine, but thinks she would "liberalise" our ceremony somehow.
It should be noted that so far, he hasn't committed to a financial contribution towards the wedding. So maybe he doesn't have the right to an opinion.
FH still wants to use our friend, but he's a people pleaser, especially to his dad, so he feels caught. I believe it's our wedding and we should do what we want. Just thought I'd get some advice. Thanks!

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27 Comments

Savvy October 2019
Ms. M · on June 7, 2019 at 12:26 PM
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We are in the same boat as you two! Our friend will be officiating our wedding. I have received some backlash from some family members on my side, but I’m doing my best to not take it to heart. It’s my wedding, not theirs. I would rather someone who knows us as a couple marry us instead of a stranger. It’s more personal that way. I’ve been to weddings where the couple didn’t know the officiant and you could tell.
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Master September 2020
Jessica · on June 7, 2019 at 12:33 PM
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We are having a close friend officiate for us and we will all three be collaborating to write the ceremony. Our friend has also officiated several other weddings before for his family and another pair of friends, so he’s completely comfortable with doing it. It is more important to us that the ceremony is meaningful to us and speaks to us as a couple rather than pleasing anyone else. My FH’s family is very devout, but they respect our wishes and haven’t given any pushback or made any comments about not having a church wedding. Good luck.
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Super September 2019
ASMini914 · on June 7, 2019 at 12:35 PM
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Is it your ffil that has the concern, or your FH? It’s also your FHs day, so he 100% has a right in the actual ceremony (FFIL not so much).

That being said, we are also having a close friend officiate. We are essentially writing the ceremony out ourselves, but leaving him some room to create something on his own at the beginning (a 5 minute welcome/share a nice story about us). There will still be tradings and a seriousness about it. On the other hand one of my cousins had their friend officiate and the whole thing was Harry Potter and Star Wars quotes. It’s really just about trusting your friend to make it what you want it to be.
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VIP March 2019
Yoice · on June 7, 2019 at 12:43 PM
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It is your wedding and is your decision. Your future father in law should have no say in it. I personally would use a minister because I would want a religious ceremony but an officiant would work just fine specially if is someone close to you. I have seeing more special wedding hosted by a family friend than those at churches.
One thing I learn is to go with the flow. Tell people what they want to hear be like ok we would consider it and then make your own choice. The less you talk about wedding planning the less they ask for details and the less opinions they have.
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Beginner October 2020
· on September 21, 2019 at 8:26 PM
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I have a question for you, as an officiant what do you use as a mic and speaker? And where did you purchase it? Thanks!
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VIP October 2019
Ivy ORP · on September 22, 2019 at 11:09 AM
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I do not provide my own. The few times I have been hooked up to a wireless microphone they came from the DJ. If you are hiring one to play music during your ceremony, ask them what equipment they have for this and let your officiant know in advance. I had the embarrassing moment of having a DJ try to help me place a mic on a dress that didn't have a place for the battery box.
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Super October 2019
Cassi · on September 23, 2019 at 2:05 PM
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If thats what you guys want I vote you do it. That was FH biggest stipulation. he wanted his best friend to marry us. This was really hard because TN doesn't honor any online ordains. We ended up finding a minister that will witness the ceremony (letting the friend marry us) and then submit our paperwork for us. We had some push back from family on this (mostly FH side really) but ultimately it was our choice and what we wanted to do.
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