Officiant advice

It's not your FFIL's wedding. Picking an officiant is a very personal decision and you guys have made your choice. You should go over the ceremony scripting together anyway, so there won't be any surprises. If there's anything you're uncomfortable with, you can ask her to rephrase or remove it.

Use your friend! Of the many weddings I've been to, the ones that were officiated by someone who knew the couple always stood out. It will be much more personal and warm. I'm sure you could talk to her about not making the ceremony too "liberal" if that is a concern!

I understand it doesn't feel good to feel like you are disappointing your loved ones or not meeting expectations. Your FH should frame this with his father as more of a generational thing - it's now very common to see weddings officiated by a friend or family member!

I agree with PPs. And if you think it would alleviate some of FFIL concerns, and take some stress from the both of you, you could always let him know that you will address his concerns with your friend and be certain the script is perfect for the two of you.

Use your friend!!

My parents are very catholic. I was raised very catholic and I know deep down they want me to get married in a church but we are not. They are contributing financially but they are letting us do what makes us happy. They know that times are changing and not many people are doing things super traditional anymore.

We are having his best friend officiate our wedding. We plan to let him know what type of crowd he will be in front of so he can plan personal antidotes accordingly....

It will add a personal touch and give you a way to make her part of your special day.

I am also a people pleaser but right now is the time where we get to please ourselves...(LOL).

Use your friend!!! You have the right to make your day special to you and your husband, not your FFIL. I am a wedding officiant that sees this with couples all the time. There are plenty of ways to get what you want out of the ceremony and keep it subtle enough to quiet to objections from any family member. I would suggest you and your FH sit down with your friend to discuss what you do and do not want said at the wedding to make sure you all feel comfortable. Sometimes even adding a reading that means something to you and appeals to your FFIL creates the moment that leaves everyone happy. But unless you plan to bow down to the more conservative views in your marriage, I believe it is important for the two of you to stand up for how you want your life and your marriage to be.

It's your wedding. I felt the same about my wedding. I wanted someone who knew us personally and would be able to make it about us. That seems more meaningful to me than having someone marry you who you don't know. We are self uniting technically because shes not an officiant. But she is leading the wedding. She sent me what she wanted to say and it looks really good and exactly what I wanted. I would go with your friend!

Same! We are having my brother officiate. My parents were definitely surprised at first but are fine with it. I think my aunt may have a meltdown however when she finds out haha. But it's our day!

I say use your friend! You'll feel more comfortable up there. To alleviate the concern for the FFIL, ask for a script of some sort, or tell her to to keep it neutral or the sake of him. We are also choosing a friend to officiate and I know I am going to feel so much more comfortable up there!

I would use her but give her a script she can go off on. i have a pastor for mine but i gave him a script i want him to stick to because regardless, it is your wedding and you get to be able to dictate how they officiate it too.