LOVETTE
Just Said Yes August 2021

LOVETTE, on October 24, 2019 at 10:56 AM Posted in Planning 1 29
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What do you do when your fiance' leaves all the planning for you, even when you ask him for his ideas? I just want his input, but he says "whatever you want is fine"

29 Comments

  • Taylor
    Super October 2020
    Taylor ·
    • Flag

    Plan everything how I want it and then tell him to shut it when he complains about something. You don't want to help, you don't get any opinions. lol I deal with the same thing too. I've grown to like it.

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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
    • Flag

    I just don't feel that a complete lack of interest is healthy. He may not care about centerpieces and color schemes, but a partner should be your partner in all things. Ask him what parts of the wedding he wants input on and let him know nothing is not an option. Ask him to contribute to those things like looking at venues or listening to a DJ. You may present options to him so he doesn't feel overwhelmed, but he should be able to offer an opinion. You should not have to plan everything alone.

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    My husband is super easy going & would have been happy with pizza & beer at our house after a courthouse wedding. So it really was way more planned by me. He did go on venue tours & catering tastings, then if I couldn't decide on something - an example is the two blues I was deciding between for bridesmaids dresses - I would show him 2-3 options and see what he likes best rather than asking general questions or not giving him options.

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  • Shelby
    Devoted November 2020
    Shelby ·
    • Flag
    Mine is the same way lol. He says whatever you want is fine! However I still try to involve him, so for instance I looked up venues myself, narrowed down to a few, and then narrowed down to ones I actually wanted to visit. I visited our venue we picked with my mom and then took him back on a different date where we gave the deposit and set the date ☺️. He wanted to upgrade food and flower package so I let him have that one. Now I’m looking for a cake baker and I’m going to do the same, narrow down and then reach out to them and make appointments and we’ll go do tastings and ask any questions we may have.
    Good luck, trying to get these guys involved can be tricky but eventually he’ll understand he needs to help a bit too. 😊
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  • V
    VIP July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    I picked all of the venues were toured and I selected the photographer, videographer, florist, and DJ by myself. He said just to pick good ones. In order to get his opinion on other stuff I sent him options to choose from. Then he would select what he liked best. For songs, I sent him a list of songs I liked for each thing then he picked the ones he liked. The songs were easy because I love Taylor Swift and I told him every song was going to be a Taylor song if he didn't look at the list I sent him and he didn't want that so he looked at the list 😂
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  • Rose
    Dedicated February 2020
    Rose ·
    • Flag

    My fiancé is all for me planning things. I've been asking his input and asking for help when I need it and he helps every time.

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  • Z
    Dedicated November 2019
    Zoe ·
    • Flag

    My FH is very analytically minded so I asked him to do the tasks that require excel lol. He handled organizing the guest list, meal choices, tables etc. His other biggest concern was with food so he took the reigns on that as well. He legitimately didnt care about any of the creative details and wanted me to love everything, so I ended up just making decisions and right before pulling the trigger would just asked if he hated it. I think its a matter of involving him with aspects he cares about/feels like he can actually be helpful with.

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  • Allaura
    Devoted April 2021
    Allaura ·
    • Flag
    Plan everything how I want it. And then when he says something about it tell him “you said however I want it”.

    I told my fiancé he’s in charge of food and cake lol because those are the things he’s interested in. Everything else I’m making decisions about on my own.
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  • M
    Savvy May 2020
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    I would talk to him and find out what parts of the day mean the most to him. Have him take the lead on those. There's got to be something he has an opinion about. Maybe his his groomsmen attire, fun songs for the grand entrance, groom's cake, food choices, bar choices, etc.
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  • 2d Bride
    Champion October 2009
    2d Bride ·
    • Flag

    I would just tell him that if he doesn't do half the planning, there will be no wedding. The alternative is that he learns that if he just decides not to do something, you will pick up the slack. And that's a bad precedent for future housework and child rearing.

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  • Emma
    Dedicated April 2020
    Emma ·
    • Flag

    This is so common. Give him some narrowed down choices and say here are things I want which do you like best. Give him a specific task cake, caterer, etc. and have him do the legwork on that. Even better, if there is anything that he is particularly excited about give him the task of taking care of that. I

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  • S
    Beginner October 2020
    Sabrina ·
    • Flag

    I think this is fairly common...lol I know my fiance is semi involved. Luckily i have about a year to plan but more than anything the first thing he asks is "well how much is it?" lol since we are paying for our wedding ourselves.

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  • A
    Savvy October 2020
    Angel ·
    • Flag

    I don't think anything is wrong with him leaving it up to you - as long as you enjoy that. I love planning the entire thing myself, my fiancé also says to choose whatever makes me happy... and what's better than that? He has input in important things, like the venue and our first dance song, etc. He's most excited for the cake tasting lol! I agree with the others, if there's something you really want his opinion on just ask him to choose from your fave options.

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  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    So common. I kind of just choose what I want and tell him ahah. Like colors and little decor details I didn't care to tell him. But things like food I'd try to get his input in
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  • Jennifer
    VIP September 2020
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    Plan it. I am in the same boat. But then he will complain about the cost or the thing and want to have it “his way”, it won’t really tell me what they is.

    We are having a “Harry Potter” themed wedding in upstate NY, September 19,2020. Outdoor ceremony- he wanted, indoor reception- I wanted. Also have if videographer, photographers( professional is a friend of mine!), DJ & photo booth... Cocktail hour will have “Harry Potter Wizard Chess” and other easy games out as well as a tarot/rune/feather reader...

    Traditional to a degree and then fun and whimsical af!
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  • Eri
    Expert October 2020
    Eri ·
    • Flag

    This is very common, and applies to my FH as well. He has always said that he would be happy going to the courthouse, but knows that the big celebration is something that I want, so he's glad to do that too.

    I'm a planner, very detail-oriented, and weirdly particular. He doesn't get fussed with little details, and will be genuinely happy with what I pick. When he says things like 'whatever,' 'I don't care,' 'up to you,' it's not a reflection of the relationship or anything like that, lol. Planning on this scale just isn't his thing.

    He has been great about giving me opinions and thoughtful answers, though! I'll typically give him a small set of options to choose from, which makes things less overwhelming.

    We've met our vendors together, did our venue walk-through together, and have made all of our decisions together. I've just done all of the research, logistics, communication, and presented him with with minimal information. Instead of giving him all the details of the 30+ venues I researched, we talked about 3-4 in-depth, and only visited 2.

    You might be surprised about what your FH actually does end up having strong thoughts on. For mine, it was the cake, of all things! I honestly would've guessed that'd be the wedding element he'd be least interested in, but it's the one that I found myself compromising the most on. Smiley smile

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  • Kendra
    Devoted July 2020
    Kendra ·
    • Flag
    I think you should ask him what details are important to him. This way you will only ask him about things that are important to him and then you can plan everything else the way you want it. Unfortunately most men don’t really care about the details and wedding planning process.
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  • Kendra
    Dedicated November 2019
    Kendra ·
    • Flag
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    I love this! Just had a discussion on our colors because he didn’t want to put an input in a year ago lol
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  • Monique
    Rockstar December 2019
    Monique ·
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    This exactly! 🙌 this worked with my fh. He had an opinion about his suit, the food, and the cake flavors. He did not gain these opinions though until he attended tastings with me or I would send him suit photos that he didn’t like at all. Just find his interests.
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Champion March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    • Flag
    I told my hubby I was lonely planing all by myself and wanted us to create it together. So over wine we brainstormed ideas and then he was excited and a 50/50 partner. 🎉
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