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Master August 2013

not sure whether to invite half-sister. again.

kahlcara, on June 26, 2013 at 10:23 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 5

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I keep changing my mind about this. My mom has specifically asked me not to invite her and said she almost caused the breakup of my parents' marriage. I think my mom is being crazy. my brother and I didn't know about her til I was 12. Dad won't talk about it (she's his daughter), she's 12 years older. I talked to my grandmother and she thinks half-sister will understand if I don't invite her since things are weird between her and my mom. I would like her there but I'm not sure our relationship is strong enough to deal with any family drama that may come from it. She has an almost 2 yr old that no one else in my family has bothered to meet (I went to his birthday party and my brother sent a present). I've met her 4 times.. would like to be closer but super awkward and I'm afraid whatever I do will make it worse. My parents are paying for the wedding (and I will be staying with them that week). I want a way to resolve this without my mom or sister being hurt.

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5 Comments

Latest activity by kahlcara, on July 2, 2013 at 11:45 PM

VIP November 2023
LadyCrystal · on June 27, 2013 at 1:08 PM
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Do you want her there?
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Master September 2014
Barbara · on June 27, 2013 at 1:16 PM
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I think in this case, inviting her may actually put a bigger strain on your relationship than not inviting her. I can't imagine she will be treated nicely by your other guests during the day, in which case she won't have a very good time and this may affect how she sees you. In addition, it doesn't sound like you know her *very* well, and you don't want your wedding to be her avenue for confronting your parents/family for how they've treated her. I do think she would understand why she is not being invited.
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Dedicated August 2013
Jesica · on June 27, 2013 at 3:15 PM
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What does your dad say?
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Master August 2013
kahlcara · on July 2, 2013 at 11:43 PM
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My dad doesn't say anything.. he'll answer questions about her when asked directly, doesn't usually talk about her. seemed happy when she and I were chatting at family stuff and was relaxed until my mom arrived. I *think* they talk occasionally. I finally decided to invite her when we mailed invites, we get along well and she's a really cool person. FH and I don't want her to feel excluded, and I would like to be closer to her. I still haven't told my mom though, and I may wait until we find out if she's actually coming or not (although my mom is pressuring me for a guest list). I don't want to have the huge fight this will probably bring if sister's not coming... at the same time, it might be better to have it out now instead of closer to the wedding. I don't think she actually did anything, my mom's just being crazy. seriously, she was 8 when my parents got married. I do have aunts/uncles, etc on my mom's side who don't know sister exists and that my dad was married before..
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Master August 2013
kahlcara · on July 2, 2013 at 11:45 PM
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I am planning to FB or text sister and let her know the family situation so that she can take that into account when she's deciding whether or not to come. haven't invited the 2 yr old.. don't want to pressure my dad into meetng his grandson for the first time in front of 100 ppl. I really hate this situation. FH and I really do want her there, I'm just not sure how awkward it will be and I feel like we won't be able to spend much time together.

I basically decided that I can't let my mom continue to refuse to have her at family events if I want a relationship with her. At some point I have to stop it. Otherwise we'll be dealing with the same thing for baby showers, etc forever (I went to hers). I'm not expecting my mom to invite her over for Thanksgiving, but she's got to be ok with me involving her in stuff..
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